Another Year

Two days ago, I got the best Christmas present. My paper was accepted by the Psychology of Women Quarterly. After over a year of trying, I'm finally getting published!!

Crazy to think in a few days it'll be 2007. I'm sitting in my aunt's living room in NYC by myself, enjoying some some alone time for the first time in days. Alone time is rare during family vacations. Maybe I'll even go out for a walk on this remarkably warm winter day!

The year 2006 was pretty tumultuous and eventful. A lot of changes took place in my life. I feel like I changed a lot, yet at times, it seems like Christmas 2005 was just yesterday and I'm still the same person. This time last year I was in NYC, coming up with my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. I remember actually accomplishing quite a few of those tasks before scrapping the whole idea.

Making resolutions is one of my favorite activities of the year. I think this year, I'll make 5 goals each month to accomplish.

January:
1. Do data analysis on my research study and begin drafting a manucript for publication.
2. Be at work by 8:30 AM at least 4 mornings a week
3. Stick to a workout plan: cardio 3x/week, yoga 1x/week
4. Sleep at least 7 hours a night, 5 nights a week
5. Finish the book "The Five Points of Calvinism"

Ethan Lorac Gonick

Today one of my dearest friends of 7 years gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! Ethan was born at 3:25 AM weighing 7 lbs, 11 ounces. I'm so proud of my Marta!!

Here's the little man. He looks just like his daddy!













Gazing up at his mom.













Baby Ethan meets Auntie Tracy for the first time!

Today...

...the sad reality of leaving Michigan next fall has set in. It's ironic - I spent the last 3 years dreaming of how I would escape from Ann Arbor. Although Ann Arbor is a great place to live (containing museums, a great music scene, restaurants and night life, talented artists traveling through, great libraries), after living here for over 4 years I started to get bored with the town. It's like I've seen and experienced Ann Arbor, and I just wanted to move on. I wanted to reside in the Big Apple or Sunny California. But just as I am on the brink of leaving Ann Arbor, I'm falling in love with the town all over again.

There's a big part of me that still yearns to spread my wings and live somewhere outside of the midwest. I know once I get there I won't regret the move and I'll be excited to make new friends and begin grad school.

But there's a part of me that is realizing what I'm leaving behind. I've never lived more than 30 miles away from my parents. Living close to my parents is like a security blanket - although I don't take advantage of their proximity enough, just knowing they're within a half hour drive away is comforting. As my close friends are increasingly non-students or at least off-campus, Ann Arbor has become a new city to me. I'm getting to know Ann Arbor as more than just the downtown. Not only that, but after being away from the downtown area this past year, I'm starting to see the shops through different eyes. Coffee shops are not study areas; rather I appreciate them for the yummy drinks they sell, their decorations, their music. I've started thinking like a townie, dreading the annual Art Fair while taking pride in local perks like the Farmer's Market, Artisan's Market, and Zingerman's fresh-baked bread. I actually have time to take strolls down the streets and windowshop at mom-and-pop shops and local boutiques on Main Street. I'd be leaving all this behind. I'd also be leaving K behind.

Over the next two months, I'll be hearing back from schools. I applied to 9 schools, all far away from here, and last minute I submitted a 10th application to the University of Michigan. I guess I've been operating under the assumption that since I've submitted that application, I'll have a choice to stay. Reality is, I most likely won't have a choice of staying in Ann Arbor. My program does not like to accept its undergraduates, and on top of which UM is very competitive, ranked 2nd in the nation. Maybe it's a good thing I don't have to wrestle with the decision of staying in Ann Arbor. But I wonder, if I got in, would I choose to stay?

1 Corinthians 1

This morning I woke up overwhelmed by the brokenness in this world. I was saddened by how difficult it is for myself and close friends around me to truly grasp the concept of Lordship and what it means to desire Jesus to be Lord of our lives. I was saddened by the struggle between the mind and the flesh (Romans 7:21-25) and how we often allow our flesh to win out. I was discouraged by the struggle between self-righteousness/pride and an acute awareness of hypocrisy and sin in my life. I was also saddened by how little I really understand love as explained in 1 Corinthians 13. I was overwhelmed by how difficult it is to be Christians, redeemed by Christ, but still living with sin, on this side of Heaven.

I don't know what led me to read 1 Corinthians again, but it brought me so much encouragement.

1. Who we are is a result of God's grace. Our understanding and knowledge of Him, our ability to live for him, our being made Holy is a result of Christ's death on the cross. So the promise that "He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ" is able to come true because it is not dependent on my efforts, but on Christ. No matter how far I've fallen, no matter how broken I am, Christ is able to keep me strong and pressing on toward His holiness. And He is faithful.
2. Christ is unity. We are called to be in unity with one another. There is no room for pride and self-righteousness because all we know is by the grace of God. This is an urgent reminder for me as I'm in the middle of conflicts within a Christian group I am involved in. One thing I need to keep reminding myself is that the only boasting I can do is in the Lord. It is a call to humble myself and vigilantly watch my own motives. It also is a call to rely on Christ for the unity He calls us to.

Scripture is so life-giving and encouraging. It is also convicting. I began this morning discouraged, but now I am encouraged. The power of the cross of Christ is something that I feel I am barely starting to grasp. How nature must have groaned for the coming of Christ and the fulfillment of the law! Maybe I'm finally beginning to appreciate the Advent season.

Winter Evenings and Budget Dates

WINTER EVENINGS

I wish I had a fireplace.

Since yesterday I've been wanting to just laze at home, eat a bowl of steamy clam chowder, munch on gummy dinos and watch TV. Maybe that's what I'll do tomorrow to start my weekend off.

DATING ON A BUDGET

Last weekend was a lot of fun. K took me on a budget date consisting of the Fleetwood for dinner, walking around downtown, browsing Borders, and then movie at the dollar theater. We went shopping at Twelve Oaks on Saturday and with the sales and my coupons, he got a lambswool sweater for $15 and I got a sweatercoat for the same price. I love how we're cheap...er, I mean, frugal. That's how we started off - our first date ever was the dollar theater (where I snuck in a box of Gobstoppers) then appetizers at Applebees. We're breaking that trend next time and going somewhere pricy for dinner before the Firefly Club. Any suggestions? Pacific Rim? Blue Nile? Zingerman's Roadhouse? I'm unfamiliar with most of the expensive restaurants in Ann Arbor.

FRANKENMUTH

Having lived in Michigan for 11 1/2 years (wow has it been that long?!), I've actually never got around to visiting Frankenmuth. I'm going on Saturday with some friends. Anyone have any suggestions or advice about where to eat or what to visit??

WHITE ELEPHANT CHRISTMAS PARTY

I never know what to get for White Elephant gifts. I have to get a gift by Sunday. The goal is to be funny, but the last time I brought something I thought was hilarious to one of these things, no one got it. I'm also making my butternut squash pie again. I made one for a potluck last week and it was a hit.

It's snowing

Hello winter

Simple Devotion

There's been a stirring in me lately.

Two years ago I went to Kansas City, MO for the One Thing conference put on by the International House of Prayer. The conference was lifechanging, making real to me the concept of the church as the bride of Christ and introducing to me what it means to be in a love relationship with God. The International House of Prayer focuses on sitting at the feet of Jesus in prayer, silence, or reading the Word, oftentimes for hours at a time. Sometimes we get up still feeling empty. Sometimes we get up with new truths imprinted on our hearts. But the important thing is that we worshipped God.

How far I've come from that! One of the lessons that has been coming up in my life is "garbage in, garbage out." I find that my lifestyle and choices have allowed me to get to a place where I can't sit still for even 15 minutes. I have to make a conscious choice to go back to basics, and it's a choice I can't put off anymore.

I'm listening to Misty Edwards's song Simple Devotion. It's one of the most beautiful and purest songs I've listened to:

Simple Devotion - Misty Edwards

Over and over and over and over again
I will stir in my soul to lay hold of You
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir in my soul to lay hold of that which I cannot comprehend
Over and over and over and over again
Over and over and over and over again

And then I'll just kneel in the sovereignty
I'll embrace a mystery
I'll just rest in You
As I bathe in truth

Over and over and over and over agian
This is my simple devotion, my walk of faith, and day by day
Over and over and over and over again

And then I hear You say as You gaze over the balcony of heaven
I hear You say as You peer through the lines of time
I hear You say as You stand in Heaven
I hear You say as You rejoice over me

"Oh angels oh angels look and see, through that dark night of faith she is gazing at Me

Oh angels oh angels look and see, through that cloud of unknowing she's gazing at Me
and you have ravished My heart, My sister My bride with one glance of your eye"

Research Updates

I've been running a research study since the beginning of September and it's finally yielded enough data to do something with it. I love coming up with the study, not super excited about actually running the study, but getting all the data feels really rewarding. I spent this past week staying up late at night analyzing the data and feeling a little overwhelmed by just how much I stil don't know about research. Now I've gotten to the part when I spend the next month or so drafting up a summary of the results. For some reason this is when the study comes together for me; I can't quite wrap my brain around what I'm doing until I put it down on paper. I don't consider myself a writer, but writing is my favorite part of the research study. That, combined with data analysis.

I've been feeling discombobulated all week. I think I'm going through that phase again when I don't feel quite awake and I'm tired all the time. My house is a mess and I miss hanging out with my girlfriends. Anyone want to come spend time with me while I clean?

On another note, I've been watching Friends straight through from Season One and just finished Season Eight. I think I need to take a 2 week hiatus from watching TV.

Lessons from a back injury

My back has been hurting a ton lately.

Apparently through bad posture and heavy books/bags, I've sustained a chronic back injury through high school and college. I spent the first months of this year going through physical therapy, doing seemingly endless stretching and strenghthening exercises, icing and ultrasound therapy (I still to this day don't understand how ultrasound treats the back) in order to realign my back. I was told I should stay away from running. Finally by spring it seemed that my spine had straightened out and my therapy days were over.

Disregarding advice from my therapist, I stopped stretching regularly, became more lax about my posture, and even began running again. Needless to say, my back has been getting worse again through this year. Still, I stubbornly tried to return to "normal life" with "normal habits" as if my back has never been injured.

I was recently talking to my friend Mel who tore her ACL 3-4 years ago and had to have surgery on her knee. Although her knee has now healed completely, she was telling me that while trying out a dance move, she noticed that her old injury still limits her flexibility and range of motion. She then concluded that although she's healed as much as she could, her knee will never be 100% healthy again, and she can never do things with it that normal people could. She then added the same went for my back. Although my back healed, I can't be stubborn and treat it like a normal back. I'll never be able to slouch like normal people can or carry bags as heavy as everyone else. It stinks, but that's what injuries do.

I started thinking about how this translates to matters of the heart. Sometime over the last year or two I developed a policy of living life at its fullest. I became rasher and more impulsive, made big plans and tried everything once without thinking through consequences. But as much as I want to believe that mistakes are necessary for learning (which they are), I have to realize that what I choose to do and risk - decisions I make today - will affect me for the rest of my life. As much as I can brush aside heartbreak and disappointment (in all areas of my life, I'm not just talking about relationships) knowing that I'll be okay at the end, these very heartbreaks and disappointments will not leave me untouched - they change me and form my worldviews and perspectives and even affect the decisions I make in the future.

This also translates to sin. Although rebelling and committing sins can lead to true repentence and a better understanding of what it means to follow God, and although Christ already bore the punishments for our sins so that we aren't paying the consequences for them, our choice to sin will affect our daily lives and the relationship we have with God, others, and the environment around us. That's a pretty heavy thought. It emphasizes that there is no trivial sin - in both the sense of the seriousness of sin and the consequences of sin.

So after the New Year I am heigh-hoing back to my physical therapist's office with my tail between my legs. I will take her advice and even stop running. I will know that how I choose to treat my back, no matter how trivial the decision seems, will affect my abilities for the rest of my life. There's no more denying that my injury is here to stay.

Evil within Us

Read this article online today on Reuters. Here's an excerpt of it:

LONDON - Elton John has said organized religion should be banned because it promotes homophobia and turns some people into "hateful lemmings."

"I would ban religion completely, even though there are some wonderful things about it," the British singer said in an interview with the Observer newspaper on Sunday.

"Religion has always tried to turn hatred toward gay people. It turns people into hateful lemmings and it is not really compassionate."

The singer, who tied the knot with long-term partner David Furnish in a civil ceremony last year, said he admired the teachings of Jesus Christ, but disliked religious bodies.

"The reality is that organized religion doesn't seem to work," he added.

Articles like this make me really sad. It's difficult for me to see the church attacked in such a way, because in many cases, the accusations are true. There's a lot of hypocrisy and sin within the church, and too often we don't keep in line with the teachings of Christ as we ought.

I'm reading Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard with Cat and we just finished a chapter on evilness. I'm convinced that one of the barriers for Christians to pursue the character of Christ is our inability to wholly accept and recognize the extent of our fallenness, or as Calvin states, the total depravity of man. There is a certain pride in us that undermines our admittance that we are incapable of goodness and righteousness on our own. This is reflected in our use of the word brokenness: we say we're broken to communicate how our experiences have left us downtrodden and weary, almost implying that we are somehow victims. Yet, brokenness really is talking about the inherent evil within us as a result of the fall. We are not victims to the circumstances we have in life. We have by nature evil within us that inhibits us from worshiping God fully. Willard points out that one of the things that is hardest to swallow about Christianity is the importance it places on the human individual. We are created in the image of God and it is our greatness that makes our evilness so tragic.

For anyone who has talked to me lately, one of my struggles is finding when I compare my "Christian friendships" to my "secular friendships," I find more realness in the secular friendships. This shouldn't be the case! I think it's because a lot of Christians, especially young adults my age, have this expectation of spiritual growth and maturity that becomes a barrier for us to truly accept one another and ourselves for who we are. I feel that too often we put up a front because for the most part, we know right from wrong, and we hate admitting that we can't live up to that. I feel there is a certain superficiality created from this facade of spirituality.

We're broken people. We're fallen. And although we need to spur each other on toward growth and striving for perfection, we need to also accept each other for who we are: broken, fallen, evil people caught between our fallen nature and the glimpse of the Heaven we've received through Christ's blood. If the church can be honest about its brokenness and focus on being sinners supporting each other through the grace of God rather than being this sanctuary of holiness amid an evil world, what a witness that will be!

Random Thoughts

After a crazy month, I'm unable to put real thoughts together - so here's a string of thoughts I currently have:

• God is faithful. Although there's a lot in my life to be thankful for right now, nothing in particular is inspiring me to say this. It's just a renewed sense of trust that I've been feeling lately that He has a plan for me and will be faithful to carry it out.
• One of the women in my small group gave an incredible and inspiring testimony last night. I'm excited about the friendship and trust developing among the women in my small group.
• Relationships are hard. I had a surprisingly difficult conversation last night that still has me in a slight funk. When a normally unemotional person becomes emotional, it really touches my heart.
• Work has been getting busier. I'm really excited about going to DC (as I know I've stated before). My responsibilities at work have also become increasingly more difficult, which both frightens and excites me.
• I'm throwing a baby shower for one of my best friends this weekend. I have no clue what I'm doing as I've never thrown a baby shower before.
• I've been craving cucumbers lately. Hm, strange. I like to sprinkle raw cucumbers with salt and munch on them.
• The Footprints feature on Xanga scares the beejees out of me. Now everyone will know I stalk them!
• I've been listening to Nick Lachey's latest CD. Nick, I know Jessica did a number on you, but your lyrics are a bit on the pathetic end.

November Changes

Grad Schools
Well, I just turned in the last of my recommendations for grad schools so I'm officially done applying. Also, I submitted my fellowship application at midnight last night. Now it's just sit and wait until April. It'll be nice to have a lot more free time to invest in my friends, though!

Finances
For those of you who know me, money's not a huge deal for me. I'd like to think I'm thrifty and careful in spending money, and although I catch myself eyeing expensive and fashionable items, if I don't got the cash, I don't spend it. As grad school becomes more of a reality, I realize I have to start looking at the money I have NOW and start thinking long-term with it. I lost my USB flashdisk on which I kept my budget (and ALL my research, by the way!!), so I had to rework my budget recently. I'm also signing up for a class to better understand and rework my 401k. I realize I have to start saving up for moving costs for grad school and other "grad schooly" things like updated software for my laptop, a nice school bag (my Kenneth Cole bag broke last week), and car fixtures (no way on earth I'm taking my car at its current state if I'm moving somewhere like California). It's a good time to be in a Sunday School class called Money, Money, Money.

Traveling
I also have a lot of traveling to look forward to this month. This weekend I'll be volunteer staffing IVCF's Cross-Training retreat. I'm pretty excited about spending the weekend studying scripture, leading worship, and praying with friends I haven't talked to in awhile. I'm also excited my rooming situation and about getting to know new friends better. =)

I will be making another trip to Washington DC except this time it'll be for business. The trip is from Nov. 15-19, and I'll get to stay at the Marriott. I'll get to see all my friends in DC, plus others who are traveling in from Ann Arbor, San Fran, and New York. It'll be another reunion with people I love, except this time, all expenses paid. I won't get opportunities like this for a long time, so I better enjoy it!

I heart Social Psychology

Today is one of those days when I'm working on my research - either editing finished papers, writing up research proposals, or researching new ideas and topics - and it hits me that I'll be paid to do this someday. I can't wait. =)

dazed and confused

I woke up this morning dazed and confused. I guess the lack of sleep over the weekend really caught up with me and I ended up calling in sick this morning and slept like a log till 10:30 AM. I've been at work for a few hours now. Work is beginning to pile up and I still feel in a funk. Hmm...there was a GRE word I learned to describe that hazy funk...what was it? Not torpid.... I don't remember.

I had sushi for lunch today. Those big pieces of tempura shrimp are my favorite. Yum.

Can't believe Enoch's wedding is this Saturday. I echo Tamster's apprehensions about seeing everyone again. I still remember back in middle school when I used to stay up till 1 AM (soooo late back then) playing N64 with him while Esther watched and ate canned peaches on the couch. Then there were the millions of times I made Esther watch "While You Were Sleeping" with me. Ha - those were the days. I remember when Jean, Esther and I would bike to the mall and buy matching everything - Jean's in purple, Esther's in blue, and mine in green or brown, depending on my mood. Our families and Brian's family used to go camping together - once we got lost in Smokey Mountains for 9 hours and got so thirsty that we drank dirty creek water. It's amazing how far I've drifted from them. Now the only one I keep in touch with is Brian and he skipped town and moved to Chicago without telling me (yes, Brian, I'm still bitter about that). Yes, I'm apprehensive about Saturday, but I'm also excited about seeing everyone again.

Anyway, since Angel was sweet enough to compliment the pictures I took at the park this weekend, I'll post some for your enjoyment. I have to admit that autumn is still not my favorite season (although it certainly beats Michigan winters), but having a camera does cause it to be more enjoyable:

I've been dying to try out my new circular polarizing lens filter






Metro Park in Dexter

I wanna go out tonight...

I've been listening to the song "Out Tonight" on the RENT soundtrack, and it reflects my current sentiments to a tee (minus the sexual innuendos). As I'm making progress on my fellowship application, I realize that I haven't been out with my friends in a while outside of the weekly viewings of Veronica Mars and Grey's Anatomy. I've been feeling really emotional and angsty, and the Asian side of me is feeling victimized and abandoned by the people around me in Ann Arbor. So finally I decided to step out from wallowing in self-pity and have a few things to look forward to this week:

1. Dancing at LIVE with my girls G. and L.
2. Apple orchard if it doesn't rain on Saturday
3. Taking pictures with S. when the weather is nice

Other things I want to do with my girls before Christmas:

1. Spend a day at Frankenmuth
2. Outlet shopping at Birch Run
3. Girl's night out at a martini bar

Also, I was pleased to find that my gym moved up their Yoga classes to half hour earlier, meaning that I'll be able to make it to classes again and still be able to watch my TV shows. =) I'm pleased as pie.

On another note, I've been reading through Leviticus this week as a result of Sunday School homework. We're examining the tenants of worship as outlined in the book and discussing what they cost the Israelites. I noticed a few things while studying.

First, in order to follow the rules of cleanliness, etc, worship really has to be a priority for the Israelites over productivity or anything else. Holiness comes before anything else: if the Israelites touched something unclean or had a disease, they would have to put everything aside and follow the cleansing rituals. This is such a visual demonstration of the holiness of God and the isolation that results from sin. Also, the idea of engraving the law on our hearts take on a whole new meaning when following the law is so salient for society as a whole. In the world we live in today, it's so easy to fall into believing God is irrelevant to our lives and forgetting about Him outside Sundays or prayers of desperation. Although as a whole, I do not envy the laws and regulations the Israelites had to follow, but I do envy the constant focus on God they result in.

Secondly, God provided the Israelites with wealth and asked them to put it towards sacrifices and the tabernacle. The tabernacle is created with their most precious metals and gems, while burnt offerings consisted of the finest animals and grain. Although the priests were able to partake in some of the offering for food, the choicest part of the animals (organs, fat) were burnt and not to be eaten. It made me think about the heart with which I give. I always want to know where my money is going and only give toward something that I feel will benefit this world the best. But here, the Israelites' gifts aren't "doing" anything. Have we lost sight of worshiping God as an end to itself? I feel that I have.

Tired and Grumpy

I find myself tired and grumpy these days. The stress of running a research study and trying to publish a paper while applying for grad schools/fellowships and working full-time is finally getting to me. I find myself discouraged about my research abilities from even the slightest hiccup in anything that I'm doing, which stinks because it seems that almost everything I do during the weekday is research related. This discouragement is affecting my self-confidence which in turn affects my relationships. Grrrrr. I've been really bad about taking time to recharge.

I guess one thing I've learned is that life is never going to get less busy, no matter what I do. Taking time to recharge is something that I need to learn to do now rather than wait for that "someday" when everything will die down. Because it won't die down. And if I don't learn to sit still and enjoy life amid the craziness, next thing I know I'll be old and senile and have wasted my entire life waiting for that "someday."

Good news is that my fellowship application is due at the beginning of November. I'm also done with grad school applications. I just keep reminding myself that in 3 weeks, I'll be done with applications and anything else with a deadline for loooong time!

Thoughts from a Red Wings Game

Yesterday at work I get a call from my beau: "Yo, I got tickets for one of those executive suites through work for tonight's Red Wing's game. Wanna go?"

Not only have I been wanting to go to a hockey game, I was thrilled to get to sit in one of those executive boxes. I cancelled my plans for the evening and was on my way to Joe Louis Arena by 5:45. We arrived there and received VIP treatment: parking in the "full" garage while everyone else had to park a ways away, getting to ride up on the special elevators to the executive suites, eating a catered dinner with yummy drinks and chatting with schmoozers clad in business suits while everyone else in the arena munched on peanuts and drank $5 bottles of Miller Lite.

I didn't think anything of it until the company let us walk down to the rink and sit in the 7th row behind the opposing team's goal. That's when I realized how drab the executive suite was. Here in the stadium seats was the action. Here, you could hear the players yell for each other, watch the ice spray as they skid across the ice, hear the puck slap against the side of the rink (whatever the terminology is). Here you could hear the cheers, witness the speed at which the players were skating, and actually feel the excitement of the game resonate through your body.

I wonder, why would anyone want to pay for an executive suite?? The rink was so far away that you might as well be watching it on television at home, you can't hear the cheers, you don't get to experience the disgusting goodness of arena food, and half the people in the suite care more about the booze and schmooze than the game anyway. You're so high above everyone else - so ISOLATED. It's amazing how much money we pay to be isolated from the real world - is it a status thing?

I walked away thinking that I hope I never lose touch with the real world. I hope I will never be consumed with the desire for status and isolation from the common and the human. Give me the nosebleed section anytime! I hope I'm never rich.

Seasonal Shopping

It's autumn and I realize I have no clothes for the fall. For some bizarre reason, I can't find the box of sweaters I put away last spring so I bought a few tops I can wear until I find that box.

Although I love shoes and bags, I have a hard time justifying purchasing new ones since I feel that accessories come second to basic clothing. But...I realize the brown shoes I've been wearing for the last 4 years are fraying and the black shoes are so worn down that I'm getting blisters on the soles of my feet, so I sucked it up and purchased these on zappos.com:

Steve Madden's NY Oliesa

and Nine West Fadashia

I haven't bought winter shoes with higher heels in a long time (I usually buy 2 inch heels or kitten heels), but they're supposed to be really really comfortable and easy to walk in according to the customer reviews.

Now all that's left on my shopping list is a nice dress I can wear to fall/winter weddings and the Toyota Christmas Ball (I don't think that's the official name but that's what I'm calling it).

10 Simple Pleasures

I was tagged by Catsi...so I guess people DO read my blog. Anyway here goes:

1. Going home on a sunny day after a full day of work
2. Having a clean apartment with a fridge full of food
3. Spending a day in the park with my camera
4. Getting a bear hug
5. Checking off items on my to-do list in my planner
6. Watching a good TV show/movie with good friends then discussing it afterwards
7. Sniffing warm towels fresh out of the dryer
8. Drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows
9. Finding and eating a good bag of gummy bears (where green = apple and red = strawberries) ;P
10. Taking a shower after a great workout

Hmm...who to tag (who hasn't been tagged yet):
ThePrefixAstro, brianchiang, AzN_homeboy, taitcha, lizaroo, Muchacha737
Write your own list and tag 10 more (I know I only tagged 6, but I don't have many blogging friends who I know read this...)

Portable Wealth

More thoughts from Sunday school.

So this past Sunday we talked about Abraham and his wealth. The question was, is our wealth portable?

My first reaction was, yeah, I have a bank account and am not a homeowner. However, as my table continued discussing what exactly wealth was, we realized that it includes social connections as well as education and experiences. That made me start to think: I've spend the last 4 years of my life investing time, energy, and money into my Psych education. Almost all of my decisions has been based on pursuing a PhD in the field - my current job and location is based solely on my career aspirations.

So...if God told me to take these past 4 years of time and monetary investments and to move to a completely new field to serve Him - could I do it? Although I want to say I could, at this point, I'm not sure I can honestly answer yes. It'll be something I have to wrestle with for a bit...

for the love of money...

Can't believe it's almost time for open enrollment for my benefits next year. I keep forgetting it's the end of September. It seems like just last week my supervisor and I were gushing over pictures of her daughters' homecoming. Apparently homecoming is coming up again in a few weeks!

I'm taking the money class for my Sunday school class this fall. One thing I love about how James P. is teaching the class is that he's not focusing so much on money itself, but seeing money as a representation/symbol of our relationship with the world around us. Last week we studied the fall in Genesis and how it severed our relationship with God (no longer walking with Him in the garden), each other (blaming one another), and God's creations (blaming the serpent, kicked out of garden, cursed to toil the earch). We studied how the end of chapter 2 described Adam adoring Eve and contrasted it against the end of chapter 4 with Lamech going home to two wives and boasting about the young man he killed. One thing I can take away from this is praying about how my attitude/use of money reveals my heart. For example, spending more than what's reasonable on fashionable clothing may represent placing my identity on appearance rather than in the Lord, pride and judgement against others, and contributing to the degradation of our environment through purchasing materials that aren't made from or processed by enviro-friendly methods. I dunno - I guess that's simplified a bit. Still, I'm excited about where this class is headed. This week we're studying the life of Abraham and how most of his life seems to (surprisingly) revolve around the accumulation of wealth.

Appropriately, last week's Time Magazine's cover story was about Christians who believe that blessings from God equals monetary riches. It makes me realize how our understanding of God is often so flawed and influenced still by the world around us.

One thing I learned on Sunday that I never noticed before is that God purposely took Adam through a journey of realizing his lack of a partner before providing him with Eve. I think that's kinda neat. I feel God often works that way: He has us realize our own needs before He provides us with the answer. I think that's why growing in our Christian walk is so difficult: before fully realizing our blessings, we must first experience what's void in lives without God.

"Spiritual Sundays"

I went skydiving on Saturday. Here are some pictures.

Having Church, Sunday School, and small group all on the same day is great - except come Monday I realize that I have a lot of "topics" to process through and have to focus on one at a time throughout the week.

Topic 1: Making Life Work
Pastor Chuck has been preaching through Ecclesiastes. This week's sermon was on Ecc 1:12-18 . His point, I believe, is that most of us are involved in the pursuit of "making life work." We accumulate knowledge and wisdom (through the media, books, school, each other) to find ways to make our lives "work". However, greater knowledge usually comes with a greater realization of our ignorance, and solutions to our problems may generate even greater problems. The reason that Ecclesiastes states "What is twisted cannot be straightened; what is lacking cannot be counted" is because we're never meant to be able to fix everything and achieve our "ideal life" through knowledge. Pursuing knowledge to this end is futile; if knowledge can solve our problems, we have no need for God.

I find that I spend a lot of my time reading magazines and newspapers to figure out how to practically arrange my schedule and lead my life from day to day. I have this idea in my head of what it will be like to live an ideal life. My language is usually filled with the phrase "I should." However, when I follow the schedule I create for myself, I tire out and start losing control over my life. Instead of getting angry at myself, I need to realize that my focus shouldn't be on what is the ideal life; it should be on living for God. Of course God values self-discipline and self-control, but instead of focusing on what I should and shouldn't be doing, I need to focus on the mission of God and how to honor Him and serve Him best with my time. Sometimes it means taking care of myself and doing things I enjoy, sometimes it means serving His church. I need to stop trying to be this ideal person living in this ideal life, and start praying about who God has created me to be and how I can best live for Him.

Pictures from DC

Baby Tai Shan trying to get to his mommy


Still trying...


There he goes.


Random giraffe

For the rest of the pictures:
Labor Day Pictures 1
Labor Day Pictures 2

Labor Day Weekend in D.C.

What a crazy vacation. I'll post pictures later!

Friday

• Flew into D. C. through the outskirts of Hurricane Ernesto - the plane was rocking back and forth even after we landed!
• Learned the wonders of the D.C. Metro system and learning about cool security things from Mel
• Lilly's goodbye party at Mel and Andy's

Saturday

• Deezy makes it to Mel and Andy's!
• Watching the Michigan football game with a bar full of Michigan alums
• Breaking my resolution to eat healthier by ordering nachos, chicken strips and beer for breakfast
• Sleeping through the 3rd quarter (I'm just not a football fan!)
• Shopping around Georgetown and rockin' the Labor Day Weekend sales with the gang and Audrey
• Grocery shopping with Mel, Andy and Deezy
• Trying very hard with Deezy to stay away from sweets
• Ended up giving in to BBQ chips and ice cream
• Cuddling up all together to watch a movie

Sunday

• National Mall with my girls: Hope diamond, Washington monument, Capitol Building, World War II Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, Korean War Memorial, World War I Memorial, White House. (We tired out and gave up before getting to Jefferson and FDR)
• Crossing the border to Virginia
• Shopping at a HUUUUUGE DSW store and getting boots for $6
• Watching Friends bloopers
• Andy joins us at the bar
• Missed the last metro back to D.C. so instead taking the cab

Monday

• Meeting up with Christine and John at the zoo
• Baby panda, baby elephant, and other animals
• Sushi for lunch
• Visiting the Embassies
• Packing and plane ride home

Still trying to get my apartment together since I haven't really felt settled back home for over 2 weeks now. Work is picking up and I'm literally swamped with paperwork - yesterday I gave up working at the desk, pushed my chair aside, and just worked on the floor of my cubicle!

Murphy's Law

This has been an incredibly stressful week!! God is faithful, and things are falling into place...although a bit more last-minute than I would prefer! 3 applications in! I'm 1/3 done!! =)

Leaving for D.C. in 2 hours...this is NOT a good time to start feeling sick!!

End of Summer

Hard to believe that students are almost all moved in. It's unbelievable how busy the streets are now in downtown Ann Arbor as compared to, say, Monday.

What a strange feeling, to see move-in yet not have the stress of NSO and other IV events. (By the way, if you ARE on campus and reading this, you should attend some awesome InterVarsity events!) At the same time the emotional stress of the last two weeks finally caught up with me and I've wanted to do nothing but sleep the last two days. But did I sleep this week? Of course not. With a visit from a dear friend and two girls' nights out this week, I'm still sleepy. And this weekend I'll be seeing more friends in D.C. So excited!!

I submitted my first grad school application this month. It's an exciting yet scary feeling! One down, eight more to go. I'm feeling more and more excited and confident - I don't know which schools I'll actually get into, but at least I gave it a shot. I miss being in school - and a year from now, I'll be a student again!!

Maybe I did over-prepare...

The first of my grad school online applications opened up this past week and I decided to fill it out to see how long it takes...

With my personal statements already written earlier this month, and all my recommendations lined up, I found myself ready to press the "submit" button within 15 minutes.

Are you kidding me??? I had to have missed something!

My Weekend in Pictures

The Insomnia Returneth

I definitely discovered bags under my eyes today.

They're moving everyone my age to another wing at work. =( I went running yesterday and my quads are sore - and my back is swollen as well. Ow. So many errands to run this week. I think I'm a wedding junkie no more - two weddings in two days is curing me of that. Learning valuable lessons about what it means to grow up. A lot to mull over. Finished the first season of LOST last night. Don't think I care for it enough to watch the 2nd season. Can't believe we're already a week into August. I'm rebelling from cubicle world by blasting the soundtrack from RENT. The lyrics still manage to give me shivers:

Find, Glory, in a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire, an eternal flame
Find, one song, a song about love
Glory, from the soul of a young man
A young man
Find, the one song
Before the virus takes hold, glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life

Central Air

Dear Diary,

Last night I caved in and turned my air conditioning on for the first time this summer. It was glorious.

Who I am

Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God. "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the LORD your Redeemer. "To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again. Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:4-10, TNIV

I had an amazing "Psychology meets Theology" moment last week. Both a Psychology lecture I attended and a book I was reading ("Renovation of the Heart" by Dallas Willard) addressed the concept of self-esteem. Self-help books and Psychological studies are always looking for ways to boost self-esteem because that's what they believe promote well-being. However, focusing on self-esteem has actually been found to be detrimental to well-being as there are pressures such as how to keep the self-esteem boosted, keeping up a front, etc. Instead, Psychology is beginning to find that the key to well-being is self-compassion: being able to accept oneself and to love oneself. Funny - that's what Dallas Willard says too in a book he wrote years ago before this was discovered in Psychology.

I found that to be extremely freeing and life-changing. Instead of trying to be something, I first have to start with loving myself and forgiving myself. Instead of worrying how others see me, I have to be okay with how I see myself. I have to start with letting go of expectations I have for myself and instead be okay with who I am. It doesn't mean neglecting spiritual formation and character building - it just means to not be bound by a self-set agenda.

The only way to have this self-acceptance and self-compassion, I've found, is a deeper understanding of who I am in Christ. And this passage of Isaiah illustrates the love relationship we have with Him - the romance between God and us (me). It's so easy to be caught up in legalism, but when you understand Christianity as a relational covenant, you find abundant grace, unconditional acceptance, and an everlasting love.

Done!!

Wednesday I finally gave my first talk about my research at a Psych conference. I've presented my poster at conferences, but that's with everyone walking around and looking at different posters and you only ended up talking to people one-on-one. This was different - I had a microphone and a PowerPoint presentation, and I was the only one speaking in the room.

I've been pretty stressed out about this for the last few weeks. People at work who knew I was doing this would ask me if I was nervous. I'd always reply no, since I don't really have a problem with public speaking. It wasn't until the whole darn thing was over that I finally realized how tense I was!

So...my mentor and I submitted our manuscript on Monday, and the presentation was on Wednesday. Only thing left for now is applying for Grad schools and applying for that NSF grant. I'm not so worried about grad schools anymore as I'm done with all my personal statements! The grant will be another thing though....

I watched "The Break-Up" the other day at the dollar movies. I loved, loved, loved the movie! It was not what I expected at all and the ending jarred me a little. I think a year ago I wouldn't have liked the movie, but it so accurately portrays relationships and unfair life is sometimes. I'm putting it on my list of movies to buy along with "In Her Shoes." I also borrowed "The Family Stone" from the library yesterday. What a poorly done movie! It was just weird from beginning to end. However, I like the theme of being true to yourself. SJP very accurately portrays just how hard it is to be around someone who's too concerned about other's perceptions of them.

Rent

Just watched the movie RENT for the first time. I loved it on Broadway, and I love it as a movie. I sobbed like crazy near the end - just as I did when I saw it the first time.

There's just something so beautiful about human nature - there's nothing more beautiful to me than when our image in God breaks through all the grime. Rent is about all these outcasts - people who are struggling to survive in this world. Yet, through all the shame of drug-addiction, battling AIDS, being "has-beens," or living on the streets, these people are simply looking for unconditional, reciprocal love in this broken world.

Ah, this is when I realize that I love being a Psychologist - I get to study brokenness, yet still find hope and goodness.

"Dying in America

At the end of the millenium

We're dying in America

To come into our own

And when you're dying in America

At the end of the millenium

You're not alone

I'm not alone

I'M NOT ALONE!!"

Friends with Benefits

...not those kind of friends and not those kind of benefits!

One of my best friends in life is pregnant and her little baby bulge is starting to show. Since she can no longer wear some of her more form-fitting clothes, I did what every good friend should do: I raided her closet. Someone has to wear those clothes during the next 6 months or so!

Her boyfriend also has, oh, 500+ DVDs. So I figure, while I'm in the borrowing mood, why not borrow some DVDs as well. I borrowed the entire first season of LOST (since I've heard it was soooooooo good) and a few movies.

So I began watching LOST, and let me tell you, it's a lot scarier than I expected! I've been watching them while at home alone, and I get really freaked out when I hear creaks and other noises. Appropriately, this morning my microwave became my phantom microwave. My microwave is pretty much the only lit clock in the front of my apartment, so when I came out to the kitchen, I immediately noticed that the clock light was out. Strangely enough, the microwave was still plugged in and the outlet worked. When I opened the microwave door, the microwave turned on and started running! It took a second to register that the plate inside was spinning and the light was on...meaning that microwaves were radiating onto my face as I was holding the door open...

I shut it immediately, unplugged the microwave, checked my face in the mirror for cancerous growths, took a breath, and scratched my head because I had no idea what to do. So for now, I'm without a working microwave. Any suggestions?

Back to Work

Oh happy Monday. I'm already counting down until my next vacation (Labor Day weekend in DC). It's been a long time since I genuinely didn't want to go back home after a vacation. Usually by the last few days, I'm impatient to be back into routine. I went to Knox for the first time in almost a month yesterday. The sermon was great and very convicting. Afterward, I stayed for the Ephesians seminar run by Jeff L. and Fred B. It's always good to do manuscript study although I have to admit exhaustion from the car ride home the night before did impair my observation skills.

Being gone for a week does guarantee work in my inbox. I'm happily plowing through some work-related research as well as resuming work on my manuscript. I realize my presentation is in 2 weeks and I haven't even begun putting together the Powerpoint slides for it. Additionally, I'm a week behind on my grad application schedule due to forgetting my USB flashdisk at work.

July is always a busy month it seems. Last year I somehow decided it would be good to schedule all my medical appointments during this month so my planner greeted me with a to-do list of appointments to schedule. Eye appointment - check! Haircut - check! Luckily I got my dental appointment out of the way before the vacation. My car is also falling apart (besides re-duct-taping it, I need to get an oil change and do a coolant flush at the very least). I did my finances this morning and feel a bit sick to my stomach. I think voice lessons and photography classes may have to wait if I want to travel at all after my Labor Day trip. Also, goodbye mall, hello thrift stores. I also have to be a bit more discerning while buying groceries. Ah, budgets - how I loathe thee.

Kiss My Lobster Pictures

Back in Ann Arbor. The trip was tons of fun and I can't wait for next year's trip already! My apartment is so quiet now that I'm alone instead of constantly being around 7 other people. Instead of posting pictures like my last post, here are links to all the pictures of the trip that I posted on facebook. Enjoy!
Photo Album 1
Photo Album 2

Kiss My Lobster Day 6

I got my photos uploaded to my computer! Some highlights of the last few days:

• Playing catch phrase
• Learning to play Texas Holdem Poker and kicking the guys' butts!
• Field trip to Portland - hiking and relaxing by the waters
• Eating lobster (yummmm)

Here are some pictures(taken on my fab new camera):

Kiss My Lobster Day 4

Happy 4th of July! Woke up at 1 PM today. We went kayaking yesterday and it was the perfect day for it. The view throughout was just gorgeous. I'm just a little sad because I lost my shorts in a river in Maine (don't worry I was wearing the shorts over a swimsuit). We also had a mishap with poison ivy, but luckily Jessi was quick enough to have us rinse our legs in the river immediately afterward.

We had a wonderful dinner of salad and lasagna and played Apples to Apples while munching on puppy chow. The evening ended with a group of us finishing the first season of Veronica Mars.

Today is lounge day. Nothing exciting is happening except for watching TV and playing video games.

Kiss My Lobster Day 3

I suppose my days are incorrectly labeled since I'm writing these posts in the morning about the day before.

We ended up not having to clean yesterday. Andy called the renter and threatened to put a stop to his check if they didn't get back to us about the condition of the house. We were especially miffed about the moldy hot tub since the hot tub is the main reason we're vacation in the woods in Maine rather than on the coast of Maine. They called us back and sent someone over to clean the house that evening. The hot tub will take a few days to fix and clean up, but other than that we're a lot happier.

We slipped back into the same schedule we were in last year: we had breakfast between 10AM and noon, lunch at around 4 pm, and dinner at 10:30 PM. We didn't get groceries until later yesterday, so we had lunch at McDonalds. For dinner, Clint grilled beef, salmon, and vegetables. This guy is a grilling machine - he carries all his grilling supplies on a tool belt. By the end of dinner, he received marriage proposals from all the girls, and even one of the guys.

Afterward we played video games and watched Veronica Mars. Not super exciting. Today I think the plan is to go kayaking.

I have lots of pictures to share, but unfortunately didn't bring the cord that connects my camera to my computer.

Kiss My Lobster Day 2

Now that we have wireless access in our cabin, I'll be updating hopefully pretty regularly.

So yesterday 5 of us drove from Ann Arbor to Maine by way of Canada. The boys were going to meet the girls at our apartments around 5:30 AM and we were going to take off by 6 AM at the latest. Now, I haven't been sleeping all that well last week and I guess my body decided it was time for me to catch up on sleep. At 6:15 AM I woke up to a group of people knocking on my window. I scrambled out of the house hoping and praying I grabbed everything I needed, and we were able to take off within 15 minutes.

The ride was lovely. We went through Ontario and Quebec, entered the US through Vermont and drove to Maine through New Hampshire. The trip didn't take as long as I had expected, perhaps because Jon and I raced each other (very safely) in Ontario, driving 140 kph in a 100 kph freeway. I haven't been to Quebec since I was in elementary school, so that distinct line between Ontario and Quebec came as a shock to me. All of a sudden, the English disappeared and there was nothing but French. We stopped at a McDonalds in Quebec and they weren't even able to communicate with us in English (among all of us, we had Chinese, Spanish, Greek and Egyptian languages covered, but not French), and couldn't take our credit cards. Since we failed to exchange currency for this trip, we had to wait till we got back to the US to eat. At one point, both Clint and I (in separate cars) both remarked that it felt like we were in a foreign country...which I guess we were since Canada is not the US.

We finally got to our cabin and it is the freakiest place ever. The three that got there earlier on Saturday ended up washing all the sheets for us. Today is going to be filled with cleaning the rooms, vacuuming, cleaning the sauna, and grocery shopping. The renter has decorated the cabin with skulls, swords, and bullets. Mel is convinced he also has the house bugged. Anyway, we're going to try to get some of our money back because it's ridiculous we have to spend a whole day cleaning on our vacation.

I've started using my digital camera and hopefully will have pictures up by tomorrow. =)

Maine, here I come!

I'm turning into a hypochondriac. I think I may have anemia which would explain my fatigue, irritability, headaches, and dizziness. It won't explain the insomnia (a whopping 3 hours of sleep last night!), but I'm getting my blood tested after getting back from my vacation.

Not looking forward to saying goodbye to a co-worker and friend of 1 year. We're going out tonight and dancing to send her off. Probably not the smartest thing for me to do since I only slept 3 hours last night. Oh well, it's almost the weekend.

Looking forward to my vacation in Maine with awesome awesome friends. Leaving early Saturday for our 15+ hour drive. Looking forward to sleeping in, lounging around, hiking, water-skiing, setting off fireworks. Here's our cabin:


Recently got into the TV show Veronica Mars. Appropriate, since last week I threw down some money and purchased this baby:


That's a Nikon D50 6.1 MP Digital SLR with a 18-55 mm lens. So I'll be taking pictures during my hikes.

I also realized I've been neglecting my other "babies." I've been playing more on my keyboard lately and I plan to take my guitar on the trip with me and spend some quality time with it.

Poisonwood Bible

I checked out the Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver to read on my way to and from work. This excerpt made me laugh out loud on the bus:

"So determined he is to win or force or drag them over to the Way of the Cross. Feed the belly first, he announced at dinner one night, seized with his brilliant plan. Feed the belly and the soul will come...The whole village feasted all day, ate, ate till we felt bug-eyed and belly-up ourselves. He performed a backward version of the loaves and fishes, trying to stuff ten thousand fish into fifty mouths, did the Reverend Price. Slogging up and down the riverbank in trousers wet to the knees, his Bible in one hand and another stickful of fire-blackened fish in the other, he waved his bounty in a threatening manner. Thousands more fish jerked in the sun and went bad along the riverbanks. Our village was blessed for weeks with the smell of putrefaction. Instead of abundance it was a holiday of waste. No ice. Our Father forgot, for fishing in the style of modern redneck Georgia you need your ice. He was not going to bring up the loaves and fishes in today's sermon, was a good guess."

It's brilliant. =)

At the blink of an eye

Ever had a week when you felt like you were living a slightly different life?

This week has been one of those. Work has been going well, and I'm been getting done all the stuff I need to get done at home. I've been busy with my own research as well as working on my personal statements. I've been working out and going to my yoga classes. I visited the UM Museum of Art's photography exhibit (LOVED it by the way and am going back again), saw a movie at Showcase (with the exception of the Da Vinci Code, it's the first time I paid over $1.50 to see a movie all year), shopped around Whole Foods for the first time today on my lunch break, and am spending time hanging out with friends. I've also been getting enough sleep every night. Tonight I'm going to visit the new Chinese market in Ypsi and buy Chinese snack foods. And it's Wednesday and the first day of summer.

Things are going smoothly this week. It's scary. I'm so used to chaos and feeling days and days behind schedule or feeling dazed and sleep-deprived. Well, I'm a bit tired today because of the rain. I kept waking up this morning to the thunder and I thought my umbrella was going to break under the pressure of the rain on my way to the bus. I'm not a big fan of rainy days unless I get to stay in all day and watch it through the window.

A few nights ago it really hit me that one day I'm going to look back at these two years of my life and treasure them as two of the best years of my life. After grad school I'll probably work in academia or at a research facility, finally settle down, perhaps have a family, and remember the 2 years in my life when I was living by myself as a young professional with little responsibility and the freedom to enjoy life. I love that I've been hopping on a plane and flying somewhere at least every other month this year. I love that I can choose to spend a week in a cabin with college friends drinking beer in hot tubs and playing pool. I love that I have the freedom to make stupid decisions like go out with friends till late on a weeknight and crash early the next night. Although sometimes it gets lonely and quiet living by myself, I have sole control of the remote and the dishes can pile up for a few days without anyone nagging or complaining. I need to learn to enjoy every moment my life and to live it fully. This is my last year in Ann Arbor, and I want to make the most of it. It's scary how fast things can change. In the next few weeks I'm going to have to say goodbye to some dear friends of mine. Some friends are getting married, others are breaking up, while others are adjusting to the reality of being pregnant. Although I feel so detached from all that, it's a reminder that life can change at the blink of an eye.

Product Reviews

The other week I was in Kroger and Yoplait's whipped yogurt was on sale. I'm usually a Dannon girl myself but I thought what the hey, I'll give them a try. Well, flavor-wise they weren't so bad except it was more like eating dessert than a healthy snack. I'm not a big fan of the whipped texture though. It was like eating airy pudding - gross! If I were an infant, I'd definitely have to be burped after consumption. Needless to say, I'm sticking with Dannon yogurt.

I also bought beauty products from Avon for the first time. My supervisor brought an Avon catalog to work and I flipped through it. I never even looked at the catalog before because my brain immediate processes: Avon: brand-name: expensive, no buy. I was surprised by how inexpensive their products were when on sale - I bought some makeup for cheaper than I would have gotten them at the drugstore. Surprisingly, the quality wasn't as great as I thought. Anyway, I may buy Avon again if it was really cheap, but not otherwise.

Work has been a lot more fun now that I have work to do. I started attending the Yoga classes at Bally's and I love love love the class. I was surprised by how much of a workout it was! I was also shocked by how flexible and strong my lower-body was (from running), and how inflexible and weak my upper-body was in contrast!

My sleep has improved this week although Tuesday night I decided to go out to the Jug with my friend Lena at 10 PM. I didn't get home till 1 AM and the lack of sleep that night put me out of commission for Wednesday. In college, 4 hours of sleep one night wouldn't have affected me at all. Now, it messes my entire sleep schedule up and I can't think straight for days afterward.

Let's Get Physical

I'm so sore. I went to my first Pilates class yesterday and I'm happy to say I think it's actually effective. I'm going to try Yoga out as well next week and we'll see how toned I get in a few months.

I also added to my home decor. My living room now has a few Picasso prints and I got some black and white photos of Europe for my bedroom. Hmm...that reminds me, I have to check out the photography exhibit at the UM Museum of Art.

I finally visited the Mallett's Creek branch of the Ann Arbor Public Library near my apartment. I had a delightful time finding books I've been meaning to reread and exploring the youth fiction section. It really brings back memories of library trips when I was in Elementary School. I checked out a few fairytales (Ella Enchanted type books) just for old time's sake.

I slept better last night than I have for awhile. I finally went to the pharmacy and bought Melatonex, a sleeping aid that's supposedly non-addictive. My insomnia got to be ridiculous this week to the point of impairing my productivity at work. I think I'm going to try it again tonight.

Yay it's the weekend. I'm looking forward to an evening at home, popping in a DVD I got from the library, knitting, calling it an early night so I can go out and play in the sun tomorrow =).

Dreamer

I haven't been sleeping terribly well this week and I'm blaming it on the Pistons and Dan Brown.

Monday I watched the game and read Angels and Demons. Tuesday I saw the Da Vinci Code. I've also been having the most vivid nightmares about the most mundane and ridiculous things. Like 2 nights ago, I woke up in a huge sweat because I dreamed that I ruined my pouf somehow and had to go to Target and buy another one for $1.99. Ah, the horror of that!

My Myers Briggs personality is ESTP although I'm starting to suspect that living alone was converting me to an "I" (introvert). Now that the red-headed girl and Jessi moved into my apartment complex, I've been hanging out with them as well as my Polish girls almost everyday. Although it's been awesome, it's taking me a bit to get used to first of all going out every evening, and second of all seeing the same people everyday. I said to Ian yesterday "Man, I just am not used to seeing the same person more than 2 days in a row. Do you think they're going to get tired of me?" To which he scoffed and reminded me that I used to hang out with the same people everyday 7 days a week while I was in college. I find myself craving time to process alone (the new "I" side of me), but then the "E" side of me trumps that and I go out anyway. It shouldn't take me too long to adjust.

One thing I've been sad about is not having time everyday to do my Chinese lessons at home. I've been listening to Rainie Yang's (Yang Cheng Ling) album Ai Mei nonstop though. I don't know why, but her song Li Xiang Qing Ren makes me really really happy.

Research Rants

As some of you know, I'm trying to conduct my own Psych study at the U this fall. I'm currently applying for IRB approval (the ethical board at the University) as the approval is required for me to interact with human subjects for my study.

After jumping hoop after hoop (complications are that I'm not faculty or a student at the University, also that although I'm a researcher at the University, I'm with the medical school rather than the Psych department), I get this email:

Dear Tracy, Could you please clarify why you are conducting this study? Also, could you please clarify the role of [omitted name 1] in this study? Kind regards, [omitted name 2]

To which I replied:

Dear [omitted name 2], [omitted name 1] and I conducted a study while I was an undergraduate Psychology student and she was a graduate Social Psychology student here at the University. We are currently working on publishing our previous study and wish to further our research on romantic relationships. [omitted name 1] will be conducting some of the research at Rutgers University (she is a faculty member there and will also be mentoring me), but because I am the principal investigator on this study, I would also like to take part in conducting experiments. I do plan on researching romantic relationships further in graduate school, but for now I am not an enrolled student. I am working for the University, hence, my desire to conduct this research at the University. [omitted name 3], a faculty here, has graciously offered to act as a resident faculty here and to mentor me on this project as well. I hope this answers your questions. Please let me know if further clarification is required. Thank you, Tracy

Sometimes, I just hate this University.

May Showers

It's been a rainy month but hopefully the sun is here to stay. I just got back from a weekend trip to Durham to see my ladies from the Pirate House. It was a short, but fun-filled weekend with spa night, tours of Duke and Chapel-Hill, a picnic in the garden, a nice dinner, relaxing breakfasts, yummy ice cream, games and movies, and lots of giggles with some of my best friends. I got up early this morning, had a nice workout, ate breakfast while reading the newspaper (a new habit I want to get into), and went to work almost on time (45 minutes earlier than I usually get to work). None of my superiors were in, but I had a little bit of work to do still. I just finished one of my grants, so big transitions are to come in terms of work. I did the only thing that made sense to me to do at a time like this: I redecorated my cubicle. =) It's been over a year since I started this job and I'm finally feeling confidant and comfortable at work. I was so nervous a year ago. I'd wear formal work-wear everyday and never walked around without my name badge. Today I threw on a black v-neck tee and green peasant skirt with sandels and I was good to go. I leave for the Big Apple Thursday morning. I'm pretty excited. I finally finished my poster this morning. I'm trying to work extra hours today and tomorrow so I can actually make it up to North Campus to print it out.

This week is busy with preparations for the conference and making time for the Pistons game. =) Then I'll finally be able to go to church in Ann Arbor again!

I registered for the (free) One Thing Regional Conference in Chicago for June 16-17 after discovering that the cheapest, seediest motel only costs $48 a night. Dunno if that's the smartest thing in the world considering that I'm presenting at another Psych conference in Ann Arbor less than a week afterward. Still, I think it'll be worth it. Anyone interested in coming with me?

Serenade

I don't know why, but this week I've tallied up a short list of songs I want a guy to serenade me with or dance with me to:

1. The Glory of Love - Pete Cetera
2. I'll Be There for You - Bon Jovi
3. The Nearness of You - Hoagy Carmichael (although I prefer Ella Fitzgerald/Louis Armstrong's version
4. The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra
5. Moonriver - Breakfast at Tiffany's
6. Blue Moon - (I dunno who sang it first, I feel like everyone sang it: Elvis Presley, Sinatra, etc)

Chicago

I had such a fun weekend!

Friday after work, I left for Evanston, IL to visit my favorite red-head. Unfortunately, I-94 is under construction pretty much all through Indiana so traffic and detours were a pain. Still, I got there safe and sound thanks to my crappy and duct-taped yet ever so reliable car Vinnie.

Saturday morning, I ran a 5-K at Northwestern. Since 5-K is only 3.1 miles, I didn't really prepare or over-train for it. It was a LOT harder than I expected, probably because I was much more conscious about the speed I was running. The whole time, I had a running commentary in my head. "Oh, I can feel the bag of Jelly-bellys I devoured last night." "Why on earth didn't I eat a balanced meal??" "Just burned off 4 Gobstoppers..." "How are tiny people with no muscles running faster than me?" Lesson learned: eat well before the race, no matter how short it may seem. My meal the night before consisted of Jimmy John's Sorry Charlie and a box of Gobstoppers. Bad idea.

Afterward, we went to the Chicago Botanical Gardens. It was so incredibly gorgeous! My favorite part of it was probably the Japanese Garden. We felt like we were in the end scene of Memoirs of a Geisha.

We walked around downtown Evanston for a bit and shopped and ate dinner. Then we drove back to Chicago to catch a show at Improv Olympic. The show was really funny and they improvised a whole musical the night we went!

We ended the evening by renting "Joe Versus the Volcano." It was Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan's first movie together and supposedly very very good. It turned out to be one of the strangest and most random movie I've watched. I wouldn't say it was super good.

The next day was leisurely. Church, then lunch at a kitzchy diner, then ice cream at Cold Stone. Then back to Michigan I went.

Now that the academic year is over, work is slowing down A LOT. I'm really looking forward to this week though. Hopefully I'll be spending my time starting some new hobbies and catching up with friends.

It feels like spring...

I woke up this morning and wished I had a summer break. Yesterday was sooooo beautiful out and I didn't get a chance to go outside because I was working. =(

I'm running my first race this weekend and I'm pretty scared. It's only a 5-K so I'm not buying any special running gear. I'm not going to think about it anymore and just run. I don't know why I keep making plans to race. I don't even like running half the time.

On a happy note, not only do I get to see my favorite Red-Headed Girl this weekend, but she's moving back to Ann Arbor in June to an apartment two buildings down from me. Yay!!

Good Friday

"When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me"

I'm still sick from this weekend.

And my hairdryer broke this morning. =(

Feeling pretty unmotivated at work today.

Last week I asked the question "can you be friends with an ex?" Well, my friends, the answer is that you can't and in trying to, you'll experience even more hurt. Well, you live and you learn.

I can't believe it's April already. The year is just whizzing by. I feel like I went through a lot of transition this past few months and I have a lot of transitions coming up including changing churches as well as saying goodbye to a community that has been my family for the last 4 years. I've felt conflict and pain in almost every area of my life (besides family, thank goodness) and have been brought face to face with who I have become over the last few years. One thing I've learned is to not be afraid of who I am because Christ's work on the cross has justified all and His work of sanctification can overcome all our weaknesses. It hit me this weekend how beautiful life is and how simple it can be. I have a lot to look forward to and will press on toward the perfection that Christ has called us to.

Task #24: Sleep in till noon. I was so traumatized from the weekend that I took a sick day off work yesterday and slept in till 12:30 PM. It felt glorious.

Task #63: Order a Dirty Grey Goose Martini. Okay I'm going to lie on this one. I ordered a dirty gin martini because I knew I wasn't going to like the olive juice and I didn't want to waste the cash on the Grey Goose. I'll order a Grey Goose martini of some sort next time to balance this one out. I was at Seva with Autry and Amanda and couldn't decide what drink to order when Amanda reminded me of this particular task. It was the most disgusting drink I have ever tried. Never again am I ordering a dirty martini.

Task #95: Devise a great April Fool's prank. Does this mean I had to carry it out? I had the best prank and last minute a few things went wrong and the whole prank fell through. Well, there's always next year!

Been meaning to blog, but everytime I do catch a moment, I have no idea what to blog about! So here's just some random thoughts:

Product review: Blistex Lip Infusion. After seeing Ad after ad after ad, I decided to be a sucker and give in a try it. Although it was nice and cool and smelled somewhat attractive, it left a waxy feel on my lips (contrary to what was advertised!) and dried out my lips completely until I finally had to cough up $2 for new chapstick. Conclusion: It was horrible. Don't buy it!

Why are relationships such a salient part of women's lives? I feel that over and over again I talk to women who have great friends and successful jobs/careers, yet their lack of relationship causes them to question everything they do have. Also, broken relationships hurt women more than they care to admit - and no matter how strong they are, that failed relationship seems to haunt women. Can a woman balance relationship and family with a career? All the twenty-somethings I talk to say you have to pursue one wholeheartedly or the other. The late thirty/forty year-olds say that when you're young and in your twenties, that's the best time to pursue a family. I'm going to take my cue from the more mature folks and conclude that it is indeed possible to start a family and still pursue my PhD. Wow - that means I only have 6 years left... Can you be friends with an ex? I dunno - but I'm finally giving it a go.

The more I get to know my boss and her thought processes in her research, the more I realize how simple my mind is. I have barely scratched the surface in the research world and I have so much to learn.

My back is officially straight again and I only have a few visits left to the physical therapist.

I also finally picked out a color for my apartment walls and it's getting painted next Wednesday. Whee!!

I also got a new cell phone so for the first time since I moved in, I have reception in my apartment!!

I have been too tired to cook lately so I bought a huge family size can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli and have been picking at it since Monday. I need to cook healthy food again. Especially since I'm finally getting somewhere with my marathon training.

Finally, I'm realizing there is indeed a difference between pursuing God and pursuing holiness. If you pursue holiness as an end to itself, your priorities are off and there's room for selfish motivation and moral filth to pollute your heart. James is such a convicting book because it urgently calls us to examine our hearts and our motivations.

Yay - I'm going to Durham in May to hang out with my foos. That's 2 weekends in May that I'll be out of Michigan. I love traveling!

101 update:

#50: Learn to play guitar well enough to lead worship with it. I don't know how well I played, but I did lead worship at church with it and no one told me that the music was horrible. Of course I had another guitarist and keyboardist to back me up, but the point is that I did it and was able to concentrate on worshiping God instead of worrying too much about the music.

#80: Open a Savings Account. I'm so tight on cash that I decided to just open a savings account and add to it every month and never touch that money unless it's an emergency.

Ramblings

I believe this is the first time I've updated by blog from home since I started this blog!

As some of you noticed, Tracy's been a bit unreachable lately. I've been bad at returning "non-business" emails. I do not really have phone reception at home, so I'm pretty much unreachable via phone. It's frustrating.

Work is going well. My boss gave me a promotion, so now I'm getting a taste of what it feels like to feel that 40 hours is not long enough of a work-week. I come home pretty exhausted and fade pretty quickly. Unfortunately, we're trying to finish the first draft of one of my Psych papers by Friday, and I find myself going home every evening staring at my computer screen in a mental stupor thinking "aren't I supposed to go to grad school to learn to write one of these things?" Eh, the week is almost over.

This weekend is the IV Women's Relationship brunch. I'm pretty excited about it! I'm hosting it at my apartment and we're going to talk about 1) the drive behind desiring romantic relationships (identity issue vs. healthy desire), 2) what constitutes a Godly relationship, and 3) Our relationships with others (including other women). I've jokingly thought about using this as a focus group for one of my papers since #1 is what my research is mostly about. It should be a good retreat. =)

My poster was accepted at the APS convention in May. I'll be staying at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Times Square and hopefully having a mini rendez-vous with Deezy. I'm still hoping to make it to a foo-reunion in Durham, NC the weekend before, but that all depends on how much my week-long trip to Maine this summer with old roommates and friends will cost. A lot of traveling, I know, but that's where I've decided to spend my money.

So yesterday I was reading Deutoronomy 18-20 and I noticed two things:
1) The shedding of innocent blood was repeatedly portrayed as a grave, grave wrong. As I've been talking about Christ's death in reading the Cross of Christ and my Bible Study, I feel that it only emphasizes the incredible injustice Jesus willingly submitted to when he, innocent of all wrong, chose to be our substitute in facing the wrath of God.
2) I finally get the eye for an eye deal! I guess I always vaguely understood that Jesus "changed" things when he came. Yet, when I was reading eye for an eye, etc, I realized that this truth is unchanged today. God demands justice. Yet, when Jesus died on the cross, we sinners were justified. Thus no longer do we have to repay eye for eye, tooth for tooth, because justification for the eye and the tooth already took place on the cross! That is what Jesus meant when he said that he did not come to abolish the law but to fulfill it! (Matt 5:17) How exciting!

Anyway, it's 10 PM and already I cannot keep my eyes open. I'm going to be an old person now and drag myself to bed.

Blessed...or not?

I'm back in Ann Arbor from a wonderful trip to Florida! My apartment is becoming more and more homey each day. Yesterday, I bought a nice wooden mahogany coffee table off Craigslist and it's amazing how it transformed my living room. My project this week is to choose a paint color for my living room walls after which I'll get a living room rug, pin cushions for my couches, and maybe some wall art.

The business trip to Florida was amazing. The first couple of days I spent in West Palm Beach. Wednesday, Marta drove up from Miami to go to the beach with me, then that evening I had dinner in Ft. Lauderdale with my boss and her brother. The rest of the week I spent in Naples. I ate a lot of seafood and enjoyed 80 degree weather everyday. I tanned almost every afternoon. I dined at some high-class restaurants, and stayed at the Marriott and the Hilton.

This week made me think about what it meant to "be blessed." I remember back in the youth group days when we used to go around in a circle and share with others why we were blessed. We were encouraged to share answers such as "I'm blessed because I have a roof over my head" or "I'm blessed because I have food to eat." Well, last week I was sitting in a nice restaurant, rubbing shoulders with rich old folks, when I realized the temptation to call myself blessed because I have access to these materialistic things. Somehow, I felt that being blessed doesn't mean riches or education. It doesn't mean food on the table or even a roof over our head. Or does it?

I feel that the Biblical use of "blessed" on one hand focuses on the eternal. In the Beatitudes, Jesus is obviously referring to the eternal. "blessed...because theirs is the Kingdom of God." But then, in Job, the Lord "blessed" the latter part of Job's life how? By increasing his material riches.

So what does it mean to be blessed? I'm not quite sure. Any thoughts?

101 update:
Task 58: Go to the beach. Marta and I meant to go to Juno Beach in Florida. We got lost on the freeway and stopped by an Applebees for lunch. Our very exuberant waitress directed us to Singer's Beach. It was a lot smaller, but still fun.

Task 78: Keep to my budget for 2 months. This was difficult to do with a lot of unexpected expenses popping up. Luckily, with tax returns, etc, I was able to pay off the extra expenses with the extra money coming in (not ideal, of course...next year I'll save my extra income). I also had to give up that massage and scuba-diving in Florida to stick to my monthly budget. =(

Task 90: Take the bus to work. I have to do that now I live way off campus and still refuse to pay for a parking space on campus. Also, UM students and employees now can take the AATA for free. It's pretty fun and stress-free to take the bus - except today, when I missed the bus because I forgot my ID badge in my apartment.

Changes

Not sure how I feel about the new layout, but I needed the change.

This was a bit of a crazy week for me. I realized that I experienced a lot of changes these past 2 months... and there are many more changes to come!

Starting 2006...

• I'm single again
• I have bangs
• I have a tattoo
• I moved into my own apartment
• I went on my first business trip

I was looking at my 101 in 1001 and wished there were other things I put on there. For example, I should have included getting a tattoo, going scuba-diving...

101 update

#2&3: Keep the list updated and Blog about each item. Although I'm not finished with this list, I suppose keeping things updated for 2 months allows me to assume that I'm going to accomplish these two items.

#87: Live on my own. I just moved into a nice 1-bedroom apartment today. I'm super excited about living on my own. My parents are bringing some furniture tomorrow. For now, I'm all set in my apartment except I have no living room furniture. Eventually, I'm going to set it up with a loveseat and 2 wicker chairs. If anyone wants to donate any of those items, let me know! Until then, if anyone has a tent I can borrow to set up in my living room for fun, let me know. After spring break I'll look into getting a cat. =)

#94: Finish a crossword puzzle without any help. I kinda cheated on this one. Newsday crossword puzzles are incredibly easy. But hey, I finished it without help.