I've had an ongoing cold for the past few weeks that I can't seem to shake off.
Anyway, as part of my post-Psych GRE crisis, I plan to start at least 4 different hobbies: knitting, yoga, music (spending more time on it), and cooking. The cooking is going well. I'm trying one new recipe a week. First week I make pork with Rosemary. Second week I tried this beef stirfry with sugarpeas. This week, I may put this cooking on hold as I'm probably not going to be eating at home very much. The knitting is finally on its way too. As of last Sunday my living room was an explosion of yarn. This week (after three attempts and 8 hours of Law and Order SVU), I actually have two rows knitted. I plan on spending much more time on music in January and I'll start taking yoga classes then too.
Christmas present exchanging have started. Rob bought me nice leather gloves. My boss bought me a cashmere sweater. I've never cared about gifts but this year there are two things I particularly want this year (but know I won't get): 1) MP3 player (I actually really want an iPod - I sold out!!), and 2) a nice digital camera so I could start a 5th hobby: photography (but these are upwards of $1000 so I've not holding my breath!) All my Christmas shopping is bought and wrapped. I can't believe one week from now my trip to New York will be halfway over!! Crazy.
I looked at some apartments this week. I visited the Medical Center Court Apartments and also the Pheasant Run Apartments. I didn't get to tour the Medical Center Court Apartments since the office was closed but if I could get a good deal there it's close to where I work. Pheasant Run is more ideal (prices are much cheaper than the Internet says). They're REALLY nice, much less expensive, but they are also a little farther from campus than I like. I guess I'll resume looking in January.
That's it for now. I think I'm going to try the 1001 Day Project. I should come up with my list of things to do....
Monday, December 19, 2005
Friday, December 09, 2005
Singing in the Rain meets Hip-Hop meets Techno
Check this out if you have Quicktime. It made me laugh. =)
*edit*
A quick rant about landlords: so my landlord keeps making clerical mistakes and forgetting that my old security deposit transferred over to my new apartment and the leftover money covered Oct. rent. As a result, I get a phone call at the beginning of every month telling me that I owe money from October. Yesterday, I get an eviction notice in the mail (?!?!). I quickly call and find out that the same issue just was never clearly documented in our ledger. The guy promised he'd make the change but was really short with me on the phone. He told me that my balance was cleared up, that I could disregard the eviction notice, but one of my housemates forgot to pay this month's rent and will be charged a late fee. I asked him to fax me the ledger for my own protection that this would never happen again. 1/2 hour later, I receive the ledger in the fax with a note that said "we made another mistake: your housemate has paid the rent in full. all late fees are waived." grrrr!!!
Currently listening to: The Best of Ella Fitzgerald. Most of the songs on there are duets with Louis Armstrong. I REALLY like this CD.
*edit*
A quick rant about landlords: so my landlord keeps making clerical mistakes and forgetting that my old security deposit transferred over to my new apartment and the leftover money covered Oct. rent. As a result, I get a phone call at the beginning of every month telling me that I owe money from October. Yesterday, I get an eviction notice in the mail (?!?!). I quickly call and find out that the same issue just was never clearly documented in our ledger. The guy promised he'd make the change but was really short with me on the phone. He told me that my balance was cleared up, that I could disregard the eviction notice, but one of my housemates forgot to pay this month's rent and will be charged a late fee. I asked him to fax me the ledger for my own protection that this would never happen again. 1/2 hour later, I receive the ledger in the fax with a note that said "we made another mistake: your housemate has paid the rent in full. all late fees are waived." grrrr!!!
Currently listening to: The Best of Ella Fitzgerald. Most of the songs on there are duets with Louis Armstrong. I REALLY like this CD.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Thoughts on a Tuesday
"The concept of substitution may be said, then, to lie at the heart of both sin and salvation. For the essence of sin is man substituting himself for God, while the essence of salvation is God substituting himself for man. Man asserts himself against God and puts himself where only God deserves to be; God sacrifices himself for man and puts himself where only man deserves to be. Man claims prerogatives which belong to God alone; God accepts penalties which belong to man alone." ~John Stott
As I had stated in an earlier post, I've been reading through John Stott's "The Cross of Christ." I have to say out of all the books I've read over the last 2 years (and I do read quite a bit), it's been the most thought-provoking and life-changing book thus far.
My post last month was about the seemingly dichotomous concept of God's holiness and his mercy being expressed simultaneously in the ultimate act of sacrifice on the cross and how this ties into Christ's identity as our bridegroom. This post I'm going to write on thoughts of the identity of God.
If we look closely at what compelled Christ to die on the cross, it is simply man's sin. Sin is serious, separating us eternally from our Holy God. I always wondered why God doesn't simply choose to forgive our sins without substitution. After all, isn't God able to do anything? Doesn't God call us to forgive? I always explained it in my mind that if God had chosen to simply forgive us, we wouldn't understand the gravity of what we have done and we wouldn't be able to fully love Him for who He is. It's not that He can't, but that he chooses not to. However, Stott addresses this issue and points out that although God is not bound by external rules, He must stay consistent with who He is. He is unable to act out of character because He is our consistant and eternal God. If He were to act inconsistently with his character, He would cease to be who He is. John Stott put it well when he said that "we have to deny or disown everything within us which is false to our true humanity. But there is nothing in God which is incompatible with his true deity, and therefore nothing to deny. It is in order to be our true selves that we have to deny ourselves; it is because God is never other than his true self that he cannot and will not deny himself." (p. 128). God chose the cross because His holiness would not allow sin to go unpunished, but His love would not see us bear the weight of the punishment.
This being said, I think of the verse from "Before the Throne of God Above": "And on that cross where Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied." On the cross, it was the wrath of God that was satisfied. When I was a little girl, I used to put a hierarchy on the power of Biblical characters. God was at the top; after all, our God was the creator of the Universe. However, Satan came in as a close second. I thought that Satan was the reason for the cross, that the havoc he wreaked on earth caused God much pain and suffering, and he set events in motion to defeat Jesus through the pain of the cross. Now I understand that although Satan facilitated the first sinful act, it was man himself that allowed sin to enter into the world. The cross wasn't a victory against Satan. It wasn't a scheme that Satan put into place to defeat God. It wasn't to satisfy Satan. The cross satisfied God's wrath. The story isn't a conflict between Satan and God; it is a conflict between man and God. Again, it was rebellion against God that incurred God's wrath and it was His love that led to the cross. This is so freeing because it takes Satan out of the equation, it demotes him in terms of power, and it turns my face and attention toward God and God alone. (This is not to deny that Satan is active on this earth and that spiritual warfare is real and serious, but this is to recognize the soverignty and power of God).
I guess what I'm left chewing on right now is the concept of the trinity. What does it mean to be three in one? Jesus is God's only son who chose to die on the cross for us. It's easy to look at it and feel that God found an easy way out by sacrifice a separate person, "Jesus," although precious to Him, to be our lamb. But the Bible repeatedly claims that God himself chose to die for us. That it is God - in Jesus - who took our punishment. How can they be separate yet one? There is so much more to learn and understand. Until then, I can only trust that it is.
Either way, man's biggest stumbling block is the need to admit that we are not able to pay for our own sins, that salvation is a free gift that we do not deserve. To accept this truth requires humility and a recognition that God alone, and not ourselves, has the right to be Lord.
On a separate train of thought...
As I'm studying for the Psych GRE, I've been thinking about the concept of congruency by Carl Jung. Jung was the father of analytic psychology (which branched from psychodynamic theories - Freud), and focused on the self and self-concept. According to Jung, everyone has a concept of who he or she is. This self-concept varies in how congruent it is with who the person really is. The more congruent self-concept is with the real self, the more mentally healthy the person is. The more incongruent, the more events and circumstances question the person's self-concept, and the more psychological disturbances he or she experiences. But then, in studies of people with depression, those with depression often have a realistic sense of self-efficacy and who he/she is while those healthy have an elevated sense of self-efficacy and identity.
On one hand, therapy focuses on helping clients see themselves for who they are and be able to grow and learn from reality (increasing realistic self-concept and thus, congruency). On the other hand, therapists recognize that it is good to have an elevated sense of self-efficacy to prevent depression.
I read this and think, how many problems in this world could be solved if only we could all turn to the cross.
As I had stated in an earlier post, I've been reading through John Stott's "The Cross of Christ." I have to say out of all the books I've read over the last 2 years (and I do read quite a bit), it's been the most thought-provoking and life-changing book thus far.
My post last month was about the seemingly dichotomous concept of God's holiness and his mercy being expressed simultaneously in the ultimate act of sacrifice on the cross and how this ties into Christ's identity as our bridegroom. This post I'm going to write on thoughts of the identity of God.
If we look closely at what compelled Christ to die on the cross, it is simply man's sin. Sin is serious, separating us eternally from our Holy God. I always wondered why God doesn't simply choose to forgive our sins without substitution. After all, isn't God able to do anything? Doesn't God call us to forgive? I always explained it in my mind that if God had chosen to simply forgive us, we wouldn't understand the gravity of what we have done and we wouldn't be able to fully love Him for who He is. It's not that He can't, but that he chooses not to. However, Stott addresses this issue and points out that although God is not bound by external rules, He must stay consistent with who He is. He is unable to act out of character because He is our consistant and eternal God. If He were to act inconsistently with his character, He would cease to be who He is. John Stott put it well when he said that "we have to deny or disown everything within us which is false to our true humanity. But there is nothing in God which is incompatible with his true deity, and therefore nothing to deny. It is in order to be our true selves that we have to deny ourselves; it is because God is never other than his true self that he cannot and will not deny himself." (p. 128). God chose the cross because His holiness would not allow sin to go unpunished, but His love would not see us bear the weight of the punishment.
This being said, I think of the verse from "Before the Throne of God Above": "And on that cross where Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied." On the cross, it was the wrath of God that was satisfied. When I was a little girl, I used to put a hierarchy on the power of Biblical characters. God was at the top; after all, our God was the creator of the Universe. However, Satan came in as a close second. I thought that Satan was the reason for the cross, that the havoc he wreaked on earth caused God much pain and suffering, and he set events in motion to defeat Jesus through the pain of the cross. Now I understand that although Satan facilitated the first sinful act, it was man himself that allowed sin to enter into the world. The cross wasn't a victory against Satan. It wasn't a scheme that Satan put into place to defeat God. It wasn't to satisfy Satan. The cross satisfied God's wrath. The story isn't a conflict between Satan and God; it is a conflict between man and God. Again, it was rebellion against God that incurred God's wrath and it was His love that led to the cross. This is so freeing because it takes Satan out of the equation, it demotes him in terms of power, and it turns my face and attention toward God and God alone. (This is not to deny that Satan is active on this earth and that spiritual warfare is real and serious, but this is to recognize the soverignty and power of God).
I guess what I'm left chewing on right now is the concept of the trinity. What does it mean to be three in one? Jesus is God's only son who chose to die on the cross for us. It's easy to look at it and feel that God found an easy way out by sacrifice a separate person, "Jesus," although precious to Him, to be our lamb. But the Bible repeatedly claims that God himself chose to die for us. That it is God - in Jesus - who took our punishment. How can they be separate yet one? There is so much more to learn and understand. Until then, I can only trust that it is.
Either way, man's biggest stumbling block is the need to admit that we are not able to pay for our own sins, that salvation is a free gift that we do not deserve. To accept this truth requires humility and a recognition that God alone, and not ourselves, has the right to be Lord.
On a separate train of thought...
As I'm studying for the Psych GRE, I've been thinking about the concept of congruency by Carl Jung. Jung was the father of analytic psychology (which branched from psychodynamic theories - Freud), and focused on the self and self-concept. According to Jung, everyone has a concept of who he or she is. This self-concept varies in how congruent it is with who the person really is. The more congruent self-concept is with the real self, the more mentally healthy the person is. The more incongruent, the more events and circumstances question the person's self-concept, and the more psychological disturbances he or she experiences. But then, in studies of people with depression, those with depression often have a realistic sense of self-efficacy and who he/she is while those healthy have an elevated sense of self-efficacy and identity.
On one hand, therapy focuses on helping clients see themselves for who they are and be able to grow and learn from reality (increasing realistic self-concept and thus, congruency). On the other hand, therapists recognize that it is good to have an elevated sense of self-efficacy to prevent depression.
I read this and think, how many problems in this world could be solved if only we could all turn to the cross.
- We wouldn't have incongruence between our self-concept and our real self because we would gain our source of identity from our creator who knows us better than ourselves, who knows who He created us to be, and who loves us unconditionally.
- We could see ourselves realistically and not have to fall into depression because we are able to admit that no, we are not perfect, yes, we have so many faults and failures, but that it's okay because we are human and God is everything when we are nothing.
- Also, knowing that most people have an elevated sense of self-efficacy helps me to realize that I'm not worse off than everyone around me even though it may feel that way sometimes. We are all human and we are all inadequate, but it is through the grace of God that we are deserving of the inheritance He has promised us. Thus, we must be able to show the same grace and mercy to each other that we ourselves have been shown.
Realizing this really motivates me to work toward a PhD in Clinical Psych as well as a MTS (Masters of Theological Studies) and be able to use the principles of the cross to influence both my practice as a clinicians and my theories as a researcher!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
A Slice of Humble Pie
I had a good Thanksgiving. The food turned out well, the company was great. =) The weekend was oh-too-short but still restful. I also finished *almost* all of my Christmas shopping and bought myself a nice black blazer for $9 marked down from $80.
This weekend was just a good time to reflect on character and grace toward one another. I do have a tendency to be hard on people and to see only their faults. Yet two things have humbled me recently. First is my studying for the Psych GRE. The difficult thing about studying Psychology and people's personalities and/or dysfunctions is that oftentimes you end up studying yourself. I realized one day that I was reading about myself and that the picture was not attractive. I realized that trait that I value in others and myself can be both positive and negative, and lately I've been using those traits negatively. Second is my boyfriend. One thing I've learned is that relationships bring out the best and worst in people and act as one of the most accurate reflectors of who we are. I realized recently that the areas I thought I've matured in still need a lot of work. I've newly discovered a lot of selfishness and self-centeredness in my thinking and my desires. Truth is freeing, but is also accompanied by shame (which precedes repentence) and conviction. I realize that I cannot judge and I cannot criticize outside of mutual and loving disciple/accountability with the body Christ. I should not vent about others because venting is gossip disguised as false concern which only serves to fuel negative feelings toward others around me. I cannot deny others the grace that I myself ask of them.
All these realizations left me feelings pretty crappy about myself until I read Psalm 3. Because we know that David was "a man after God's own heart," we fail to truly appreciate David's faith and confidence. Although David had prophets to point him in the right direction from time to time, his interactions with God probably looked much like ours do today. I wonder if he ever questioned his calling to be king, especially when some hated him and wanted to kill him. Despite that, he was able to cling to incredible hope and faith and say "You are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glorly on me and lift up my head." The Lord is the lifter of our heads. I may feel crappy and realize the extent of my faults. Still, the Lord is the lifter of my head. The Lord has seen and continues to see all our shortcomings, andHe is strong when we are weak. I can go forward confidently knowing that I am called by God and that He is my shield, my strength, and my keeper. I will not cheapen the cross by denying the freedom He has bought me. I will not trivialize his majesty and holiness by failing to recognize the soveriengty of His plans and the steadfastness of His character. What a tremendous peace we can gain from knowing our God!
On a lighter note, I cooked this for my man yesterday:
In return, he bought me a bouquet of beautiful and aromatic lillies. I don't have a digital camera, but I found a picture of lillies that look just like the ones sitting on my bookcase. =)
This weekend was just a good time to reflect on character and grace toward one another. I do have a tendency to be hard on people and to see only their faults. Yet two things have humbled me recently. First is my studying for the Psych GRE. The difficult thing about studying Psychology and people's personalities and/or dysfunctions is that oftentimes you end up studying yourself. I realized one day that I was reading about myself and that the picture was not attractive. I realized that trait that I value in others and myself can be both positive and negative, and lately I've been using those traits negatively. Second is my boyfriend. One thing I've learned is that relationships bring out the best and worst in people and act as one of the most accurate reflectors of who we are. I realized recently that the areas I thought I've matured in still need a lot of work. I've newly discovered a lot of selfishness and self-centeredness in my thinking and my desires. Truth is freeing, but is also accompanied by shame (which precedes repentence) and conviction. I realize that I cannot judge and I cannot criticize outside of mutual and loving disciple/accountability with the body Christ. I should not vent about others because venting is gossip disguised as false concern which only serves to fuel negative feelings toward others around me. I cannot deny others the grace that I myself ask of them.
All these realizations left me feelings pretty crappy about myself until I read Psalm 3. Because we know that David was "a man after God's own heart," we fail to truly appreciate David's faith and confidence. Although David had prophets to point him in the right direction from time to time, his interactions with God probably looked much like ours do today. I wonder if he ever questioned his calling to be king, especially when some hated him and wanted to kill him. Despite that, he was able to cling to incredible hope and faith and say "You are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glorly on me and lift up my head." The Lord is the lifter of our heads. I may feel crappy and realize the extent of my faults. Still, the Lord is the lifter of my head. The Lord has seen and continues to see all our shortcomings, andHe is strong when we are weak. I can go forward confidently knowing that I am called by God and that He is my shield, my strength, and my keeper. I will not cheapen the cross by denying the freedom He has bought me. I will not trivialize his majesty and holiness by failing to recognize the soveriengty of His plans and the steadfastness of His character. What a tremendous peace we can gain from knowing our God!
On a lighter note, I cooked this for my man yesterday:
In return, he bought me a bouquet of beautiful and aromatic lillies. I don't have a digital camera, but I found a picture of lillies that look just like the ones sitting on my bookcase. =)
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Tis the season...
...to be sick. After much denial, (AND after surviving a weekend of low-energy, moodiness, and clammy hands), I have to admit that I may be sick. I figure, I'll stick it out one more day at work and rest majorly at the parentals this weekend.
I'm pretty excited about Thanksgiving. The Kwang family is having a real feast this year (never been done!) along with the Chiangs. I'm trying out new recipes and making Apricot/Cranberry Chutney for the meal and a Pumpkin Roll for dessert.
I have to gush about my coworkers. They saw that I was in a bad/sad/sick mood today and dragged me out to the mall for our lunch break so I could walk around and look at the sales. Although I ended up not buying anything, it was just a good break from the usual monotony and it was fun to window shop. Unfortunately, I really wasn't supposed to take a lunch break today, but I realized that none of my superiors at work were in today. My coworkers are such wonderful people - one of them is even bringing some spices into work for me for my Thanksgiving recipes so I don't have to buy the ridiculously expensive McCormick Spices. I definitely need to make a point of spending more time with them. After the Psych GRE, maybe...
I'm pretty excited about Thanksgiving. The Kwang family is having a real feast this year (never been done!) along with the Chiangs. I'm trying out new recipes and making Apricot/Cranberry Chutney for the meal and a Pumpkin Roll for dessert.
I have to gush about my coworkers. They saw that I was in a bad/sad/sick mood today and dragged me out to the mall for our lunch break so I could walk around and look at the sales. Although I ended up not buying anything, it was just a good break from the usual monotony and it was fun to window shop. Unfortunately, I really wasn't supposed to take a lunch break today, but I realized that none of my superiors at work were in today. My coworkers are such wonderful people - one of them is even bringing some spices into work for me for my Thanksgiving recipes so I don't have to buy the ridiculously expensive McCormick Spices. I definitely need to make a point of spending more time with them. After the Psych GRE, maybe...
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Little update on my life...
I was going to post on all my thoughts of late yet I feel like life has moved too fast this past week for me to think...I will make it a priority this week to just spend some time alone and process.
I felt like I was getting to the point where I have so many scattered responsibilities that the results were becoming just that: scattered. Details are beginning to slip my mind and to the point where I'd remember to do something and forget to follow through a mere 5 minutes later. Part of it I realize is the lack of reliance on God (isn't it so easy how we fall into that?!?) in the midst of my busyness.
These past 2 weeks were weeks of conflict yet through it all I've grown closer to those around me and learned more about who I am and where I need to mature and grow. So with all the heartache and friction, it was a good two weeks overall.
I'm growing closer to my co-workers which has been a huge blessing. Besides, it adds to the working experience. Today they abducted me to their office so we could hang out.
It'll be a busy yet fun week this week. I'm looking forward to the Harry Potter Movie Marathon as well as going to see Harry Potter Goblet of Fire opening night. Other highlights approaching are the Pops Concert on Sunday.
For now, I will leave you with this picture:
If you do not know why Rob has an apple on his head, this is who he was for Halloween:
It won him the costume contest. =D
I felt like I was getting to the point where I have so many scattered responsibilities that the results were becoming just that: scattered. Details are beginning to slip my mind and to the point where I'd remember to do something and forget to follow through a mere 5 minutes later. Part of it I realize is the lack of reliance on God (isn't it so easy how we fall into that?!?) in the midst of my busyness.
These past 2 weeks were weeks of conflict yet through it all I've grown closer to those around me and learned more about who I am and where I need to mature and grow. So with all the heartache and friction, it was a good two weeks overall.
I'm growing closer to my co-workers which has been a huge blessing. Besides, it adds to the working experience. Today they abducted me to their office so we could hang out.
It'll be a busy yet fun week this week. I'm looking forward to the Harry Potter Movie Marathon as well as going to see Harry Potter Goblet of Fire opening night. Other highlights approaching are the Pops Concert on Sunday.
For now, I will leave you with this picture:
If you do not know why Rob has an apple on his head, this is who he was for Halloween:
It won him the costume contest. =D
Monday, November 07, 2005
The Cross of Christ
My mind is still racing with thoughts that came up from some major events over the last week and also the Scriptural studies we did during InterVarsity's Cross-Training retreat this past weekend. Being an external processor, I'm attempting to piece together some of my thoughts on this blog. I apologize in advance for the incoherency.
Since my trip to The International House of Prayer last December, Christ has been continually revealing His identity to me as my bridegroom and the lover of my soul. This is the Man whose heart is ravished by my one glance (Song of Songs 4:9). This is the Man who's numbered the hairs on my head (Matt 10:30) and who collects my every thought and bottles up my every tear. This is the Man who has designed His creation and purpose to lead to the glorious day in Heaven when He will be united with His bride, the spotless and blameless church (Rev 21).
This journey to discover Him as a Bridegroom has now brought me face to face with the harsh reality of the Cross. I always thought I had to balance the loving nature of God with the just nature. That the merciful and angry God were two different facets of the same God. That Christ, the romancer, and Christ, our substitute, were also two distinct identities of our Messiah. But I can't separate those identities anymore; they are one and the same. The cross is the ultimate act of love and sacrifice for us.
Jesus is the Man who is so perfect and holy that the least of my sins is enough to separate me from Him for eternity. Yet God loves us so much that he desired deeply to redeem us. He searched for the perfect spotless lamb whose blood could be spilled to pay the penalty for our sins....and He found only One who could do so: His beloved, only Son.
Reading the The Cross of Christ by John Stott is leading me to think more deeply about what the sacrifice of Christ entailed. Four points Stott brought up in Chapter 3 are such foundational truths that I've taken them for granted my whole life. Here I rehash the four points adding onto them my own thoughts and understanding of the points.
Since my trip to The International House of Prayer last December, Christ has been continually revealing His identity to me as my bridegroom and the lover of my soul. This is the Man whose heart is ravished by my one glance (Song of Songs 4:9). This is the Man who's numbered the hairs on my head (Matt 10:30) and who collects my every thought and bottles up my every tear. This is the Man who has designed His creation and purpose to lead to the glorious day in Heaven when He will be united with His bride, the spotless and blameless church (Rev 21).
This journey to discover Him as a Bridegroom has now brought me face to face with the harsh reality of the Cross. I always thought I had to balance the loving nature of God with the just nature. That the merciful and angry God were two different facets of the same God. That Christ, the romancer, and Christ, our substitute, were also two distinct identities of our Messiah. But I can't separate those identities anymore; they are one and the same. The cross is the ultimate act of love and sacrifice for us.
Jesus is the Man who is so perfect and holy that the least of my sins is enough to separate me from Him for eternity. Yet God loves us so much that he desired deeply to redeem us. He searched for the perfect spotless lamb whose blood could be spilled to pay the penalty for our sins....and He found only One who could do so: His beloved, only Son.
Reading the The Cross of Christ by John Stott is leading me to think more deeply about what the sacrifice of Christ entailed. Four points Stott brought up in Chapter 3 are such foundational truths that I've taken them for granted my whole life. Here I rehash the four points adding onto them my own thoughts and understanding of the points.
- Christ died for us. He did not need to die. He had no reason to die other than the fact that He did it for our sakes.
- Christ died to bring us to God. Our sins separate us from God, but through Christ's death this separation is no longer. Call it redemption or salvation (negative and positive ways of looking at it,) we are now able to encounter God through Christ our mediator.
- Christ died for our sins. This is something we say so often. But when we realize that our sins nailed Christ to the cross, it causes us to realize the gravity of the very sins we spend our days rationalizing away. Sin is serious. Although Christ chose to go to the cross, although physically it was Judas, Caiaphas, Pilate, and the soldiers who nailed Him to the cross (although upon closer investigation, for the trials to continue as unlawfully as it did, a repeat of what happened would be next to impossible), it was our sin that led to Christ's choosing to be beaten, to be mocked, to be humiliated, and to be nailed on the cross. (This leads to another train of thought on grace...I'll post on this topic another day).
- Christ died our death. This leads to my next train of thought:
In Philippians 2 we find the infamous Christ Hymn (this also leads to another train of thought on Lordship...I'll post on this topic another day). This weekend our studied highlighted the fact that our Christ, perfect God, humbled himself through becoming man, and not just man but servant, and not just servant but He died a criminal's death. I often asked myself why the cross? And what's so significant about the cross? Martyrs later on died equivalent physical deaths; in fact, Peter was hung upside down. Why did this particular death matter? In the past, I thought it a matter of humility. The cross was historically reserved for the worst of criminals; it was illegal to crucify a Roman citizen. Symbolically, the cross was the worst physical death known to man and so this was the death that was chosen. This death was completely undeserved by Jesus who was innocent of all wrong. I thought that this was why it was enough to redeem our sins. But His perfection was only part of the story. The punishment He bore is the other. Christ died our death. Yes, the physical pain was almost unbearable. But looking at the account of His death in scripture, it wasn't until the cry "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" that Jesus uttered words of pain. What is so significant about the cross is that on it, Jesus suffered complete and utter separation from God. From my understanding, no one alive in history has ever experienced this separation from God. THIS is the ultimate punishment for our sins, and not the physical death of the cross. Jesus experienced the pain of separation from God so that we did not have to. Through His death he offered us life. He's willing to look at us in the fullness all our sin (knowing full well that these very sins were the cause of His pain and sacrifice) and speak to God on our behalf claiming our sins as His own: bought and paid for. All this, so that He could spend eternity with us (leading to another thought on unity...).
What love is this! Who is this Man that would love me so? Praise be to Jesus, the glorious Lamb and Bridegroom. Amen.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Me and Emily dearest
The dear girl's costume was made 100% out of duct tape...including the shoes and jewelry.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Monday Stupor
I can't quite tell whether or not I'm sick today. Saturday I stayed in bed all day and drank chicken soup. Sunday I was bouncing around feeling great. Today my head is swimming and I have the chills. I'm keeping up with the work at work, though slightly more slowly than usual. It's Halloween and I'm being antisocial and hiding in my cubicle from fairies and goth punks randomly patrolling the halls.
Some of the ladies and I went to Wiard's Apple Orchard and Country Fair yesterday and had much fun. We went on the hayride, visited the petting zoo (did you know that goats have rectangular pupils????), and were chased around the haunted barn. It was much fun and a perfect way to spend an autumn afternoon. It was restful walking around and seeing families leisurely camped out at picnic tables munching on caramel apples, doughnuts and cider.
With my flight/hotel booked to Palm Springs, CA for the SPSP (Society of Personality and Social Psychology) conference in January (thanks Daddy!), I'm now concentrating on submitting my Psych research on coping to other conference. I just submitted a presentation to the MPA (Midwestern Psychological Association) conference in Chicago in May. Next step is to submit maybe even both of my research to the APA (American Psychological Association) conference in New Orleans in August, and the APS (American Psychological Society) conference in New York City in May. The poster I'm presenting at Palm Springs is about how romantic relationship contingency predicts symptoms of disordered eating, and how this relationship is mediated by feelings of body shame. The poster I'm submitting to the rest of the conferences is a paper I'm currently working on about how situational factors mediate the relationship between individual factors and coping styles. It's fascinating stuff in the area of Applied Social Psychology (which is the field I'm leaning toward for grad school).
Some of the ladies and I went to Wiard's Apple Orchard and Country Fair yesterday and had much fun. We went on the hayride, visited the petting zoo (did you know that goats have rectangular pupils????), and were chased around the haunted barn. It was much fun and a perfect way to spend an autumn afternoon. It was restful walking around and seeing families leisurely camped out at picnic tables munching on caramel apples, doughnuts and cider.
With my flight/hotel booked to Palm Springs, CA for the SPSP (Society of Personality and Social Psychology) conference in January (thanks Daddy!), I'm now concentrating on submitting my Psych research on coping to other conference. I just submitted a presentation to the MPA (Midwestern Psychological Association) conference in Chicago in May. Next step is to submit maybe even both of my research to the APA (American Psychological Association) conference in New Orleans in August, and the APS (American Psychological Society) conference in New York City in May. The poster I'm presenting at Palm Springs is about how romantic relationship contingency predicts symptoms of disordered eating, and how this relationship is mediated by feelings of body shame. The poster I'm submitting to the rest of the conferences is a paper I'm currently working on about how situational factors mediate the relationship between individual factors and coping styles. It's fascinating stuff in the area of Applied Social Psychology (which is the field I'm leaning toward for grad school).
Monday, October 24, 2005
Fragmented thoughts
The weather has been consistently cold for a week. It is dark when I wake up and dark when I sit down to eat dinner. I've replaced my wardrobe of tanktops and tees with sweaters and turtlenecks. All of a sudden it's not strange anymore for me to be drinking hot cocoa at work in the afternoons.
I got to hang out with old housemates Sarah and Amanda this weekend and really missed the bond that our whole house (christened "the pirate house") had with each other. We ran into Clint who we met on the Tennessee trip (Kiss My Grits) this summer and I missed our chalet in the Smoky Mountains.
New housemates are fun too, though. Saturday night I had bonding time with Kristen and she, Rob, and I made spinach quiche for our church potluck on Sunday. Later we picked up Sarah and one of Rob's friends and watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith at the dollar movie theater. I'm so glad Ann Arbor has a dollar theater once again.
Back at work now...and they installed a new computer at my desk. I don't know too much by way of computers but I can tell you that this new one looks ugly yet powerful. The keyboard is silver and shiny - very fancy. Gin Blossoms is playing as I'm mourning the fact I'm unable to download AIM or iTunes on my new computer.
The Psych GRE is in just over a month and I'm beginning to feel nervous. I drew up a preliminary list of schools I might look into and I'm at 15. I need to winnow it down to 10. A list of 10 is still long as applications costs anywhere from $60 to $100 so I suppose I better start saving up for it.
I'm actually going to cook when I go home today. I haven't cooked in a week. A beautiful bouquet of roses now sit on my dining room table. Sitting next to the roses is the pile of books I'm currently reading: Why Not Women, Real Sex, Wanting to be Her, The Cross of Christ, Deep Unto Deep. I'm also hoping to start my Tom Clancy book soon.
I got to hang out with old housemates Sarah and Amanda this weekend and really missed the bond that our whole house (christened "the pirate house") had with each other. We ran into Clint who we met on the Tennessee trip (Kiss My Grits) this summer and I missed our chalet in the Smoky Mountains.
New housemates are fun too, though. Saturday night I had bonding time with Kristen and she, Rob, and I made spinach quiche for our church potluck on Sunday. Later we picked up Sarah and one of Rob's friends and watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith at the dollar movie theater. I'm so glad Ann Arbor has a dollar theater once again.
Back at work now...and they installed a new computer at my desk. I don't know too much by way of computers but I can tell you that this new one looks ugly yet powerful. The keyboard is silver and shiny - very fancy. Gin Blossoms is playing as I'm mourning the fact I'm unable to download AIM or iTunes on my new computer.
The Psych GRE is in just over a month and I'm beginning to feel nervous. I drew up a preliminary list of schools I might look into and I'm at 15. I need to winnow it down to 10. A list of 10 is still long as applications costs anywhere from $60 to $100 so I suppose I better start saving up for it.
I'm actually going to cook when I go home today. I haven't cooked in a week. A beautiful bouquet of roses now sit on my dining room table. Sitting next to the roses is the pile of books I'm currently reading: Why Not Women, Real Sex, Wanting to be Her, The Cross of Christ, Deep Unto Deep. I'm also hoping to start my Tom Clancy book soon.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Reasons why I'm excited:
- Despite all my complaining, my job rocks
- I got my hair colored and cut (and I love it!) for next to no $$
- I'm booking my flight/hotel to Palm Springs, CA for January
- I filled my punch card for Bubble Island and get free bubble tea
- Amanda is coming back to town on Saturday and we're having a mini foo reunion!!!! =D
- Free performance of Beethovan's 9th at Hill on Monday!!
- The women at IV rock and we're going to the Country Fair next Sunday for a ladies' afternoon out
- Gap jeans are on sale for $20 and Express jeans are on sale for $30 (mall Saturday, what)
- Rob let it slip yesterday that he has special plans in the works for our 1 month this weekend. =) I'm so spoiled.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Highlights of the weekend
- Getting my new guitar
- Going home
- My brother's voice is getting lower and lower...
- ...and he's almost my height!
- Finishing the 6th book of the Harry Potter series (i'm finally caught up!)
- Dying my hair on a whim
- ...although now I'm starting to miss black hair
- Girl's night: chick flicks and waxing
- Letters/postcards from old friends
- Having the apartment to myself for 2 days
Monday, October 10, 2005
Counting my blessings
Psalm 19:7-14 (TNIV)
The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworhy, making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure, and all of them are righteous.
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb.
By them your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
It's strange how sometimes I can get stuck in this rut of dissatisfaction with my life and forget how truly blessed I am!! I don't list my blessings nearly enough but I thought I'd remind myself of how lucky I am!!
Six months ago, I didn't know that I'd be working in Ann Arbor at a wonderful salaried job that actually utilizes my college degree working under brilliant bosses. I'm being promoted to full-time, getting the extra vacation time just in time to be able to spend all of Christmas break with my family.
Six months ago, I didn't think I'd be able to work with one of my Psych professors researching coping and depression. This professor whose expertise is dealing with ethnic differences (with a focus on African Americans) and coping is actually allowing me to do my own thing and researching gender differences. This year is going to be an exciting one with lots of traveling to Psych conferences and (knock on wood) I'm going to start working on my first theoretical paper next semester.
My family is super-supportive of me. It wasn't until I got to college that I realized what a wonderful relationship I have with my parents. I did take too many things for granted throughout high school. =(
My friends are also so great. I always have someone to call, always have someone to hang out with. Lizzy prays for me every morning from Seattle! I have people to stay with from all over the country: Seattle, Chicago, Washington DC, Durham, Santa Monica, Pasadena, L.A., New Brunswick, even Oxford, England! My friends challenge me in my relationship with God, cause me to think deeply about social issues, teach me grace, allow me to practice the fruit of the Spirit, and affirm me even in the midst of my struggles to find who I am.
My church and InterVarsity are training grounds on life. Not only have I learned more what it means to worship God, but these two communities are teaching me what it means to have constant joy despite the instability of life and emotions. I am learning conflict resolution, and gaining confidence that I am unique and have things to offer to others.
Finally, six months ago I wouldn't have foreseen falling for and dating the person who really became my best friend over the past summer. Although he has his moments of extreme nerdiness (causing Heather to whispering to me in jest, "wow Tracy, you sure picked yourself a winner), I'm so blessed to have someone who knew me at my worst and still cares for me, who I can be completely honest, open, and myself with, who I can be quirky and serious with, who complements me in both personality and working style, who I can pray with, laugh with and laugh at. He puts his relationship with God even before his relationship with me and has such a tender heart for serving those around him.
I'm so blessed. =)
The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworhy, making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure, and all of them are righteous.
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb.
By them your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
It's strange how sometimes I can get stuck in this rut of dissatisfaction with my life and forget how truly blessed I am!! I don't list my blessings nearly enough but I thought I'd remind myself of how lucky I am!!
Six months ago, I didn't know that I'd be working in Ann Arbor at a wonderful salaried job that actually utilizes my college degree working under brilliant bosses. I'm being promoted to full-time, getting the extra vacation time just in time to be able to spend all of Christmas break with my family.
Six months ago, I didn't think I'd be able to work with one of my Psych professors researching coping and depression. This professor whose expertise is dealing with ethnic differences (with a focus on African Americans) and coping is actually allowing me to do my own thing and researching gender differences. This year is going to be an exciting one with lots of traveling to Psych conferences and (knock on wood) I'm going to start working on my first theoretical paper next semester.
My family is super-supportive of me. It wasn't until I got to college that I realized what a wonderful relationship I have with my parents. I did take too many things for granted throughout high school. =(
My friends are also so great. I always have someone to call, always have someone to hang out with. Lizzy prays for me every morning from Seattle! I have people to stay with from all over the country: Seattle, Chicago, Washington DC, Durham, Santa Monica, Pasadena, L.A., New Brunswick, even Oxford, England! My friends challenge me in my relationship with God, cause me to think deeply about social issues, teach me grace, allow me to practice the fruit of the Spirit, and affirm me even in the midst of my struggles to find who I am.
My church and InterVarsity are training grounds on life. Not only have I learned more what it means to worship God, but these two communities are teaching me what it means to have constant joy despite the instability of life and emotions. I am learning conflict resolution, and gaining confidence that I am unique and have things to offer to others.
Finally, six months ago I wouldn't have foreseen falling for and dating the person who really became my best friend over the past summer. Although he has his moments of extreme nerdiness (causing Heather to whispering to me in jest, "wow Tracy, you sure picked yourself a winner), I'm so blessed to have someone who knew me at my worst and still cares for me, who I can be completely honest, open, and myself with, who I can be quirky and serious with, who complements me in both personality and working style, who I can pray with, laugh with and laugh at. He puts his relationship with God even before his relationship with me and has such a tender heart for serving those around him.
I'm so blessed. =)
Thursday, September 29, 2005
It Feels like Home to Me....
I finally discovered the online journal of a dear friend today that tracks his long trip in Europe. As I read through his entries, I felt a keen sense of homesickness. This feeling was quite strange to me as a) I only knew this friend for a few years in college and b) I'd never stayed in Europe remotely long enough to call it my home.
Throughout my life, I've never been great at making long-term friendships; in fact, I've stayed in touch with only one person from my high school. (Two if you count Brian but he's a family friend as well). Hopefully, this tendency toward friendships of convenience has changed over the last 4 years.
I've never lived anywhere for more than 5 years except for Novi where I lived for 7 years before moving to Ann Arbor. When people ask me where my hometown is, Novi is my answer. Still, there is a sense of rootlessness I feel because I've never truly felt any geographic location was home. I can't see myself settling down anywhere long term in the future either. Home has always been symbolized by people. Home was where my family was. Home is where the people I love are.
Although this friend and I spent only a few years together in the same place, he represents a piece of who I was during that time. Those were a rough two years during which I had to lean heavily on those around me. I've matured and changed for the better since then, but there's a part of my identity and personality from those years that I miss. I've heard somewhere once that you feel at home with those you truly love. I think that's why I felt homesick.
Throughout my life, I've never been great at making long-term friendships; in fact, I've stayed in touch with only one person from my high school. (Two if you count Brian but he's a family friend as well). Hopefully, this tendency toward friendships of convenience has changed over the last 4 years.
I've never lived anywhere for more than 5 years except for Novi where I lived for 7 years before moving to Ann Arbor. When people ask me where my hometown is, Novi is my answer. Still, there is a sense of rootlessness I feel because I've never truly felt any geographic location was home. I can't see myself settling down anywhere long term in the future either. Home has always been symbolized by people. Home was where my family was. Home is where the people I love are.
Although this friend and I spent only a few years together in the same place, he represents a piece of who I was during that time. Those were a rough two years during which I had to lean heavily on those around me. I've matured and changed for the better since then, but there's a part of my identity and personality from those years that I miss. I've heard somewhere once that you feel at home with those you truly love. I think that's why I felt homesick.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Random Thoughts from the Weekend
- There is a fruit fly nest (or whatever they live/breed in) in my kitchen. Thoughts on how to get rid of their home?
- I haven't seen some of my roommates for more than 5 minutes at a time since last weekend.
- Tally Hall rocks. Everyone should see them in concert at least once.
- The new students coming to both InterVarsity and my church are overwhelmingly female.
- The nice thing about having a boyfriend who can cook is that I get fed yummy food. The bad thing is that I'll have to learn how to cook more than the 2 dishes I know already.
- Not eating enough fruit has negative consequences on the body.
- Acuvue advanced contact lenses are a lot thicker than the original Acuvue lenses.
- When I'm hungry, I prefer a juicy steak with barbecue chips over a dessert buffet.
- I bought a TNIV Bible. I really like the translation.
- I miss playing classical piano.
- The new season of Alias begins this week.
- Chanel Paris' Coco Mademoiselle smells really good. I think it's my new perfume.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Happy Thoughts
Things that made me smile today:
- Getting an email from Mrs. Lizzy Douglass
- Planning a weekend trip to Chicago to see my foos
- Movie night with my Deezy-weezy
- J-e-s-u-s
- The fact my stomach growled during the last 2 hours at work
- Late night chats over hot chai on a porch swing
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Double Life
I feel like I live in two worlds. From 9-5, I work at an office with people I have been working with since May. Nothing is changing much at work.
After work, I go home to a bustling campus life. We're reaching out to new students, throwing events and activities, staying up till 1 AM socializing, talking about things such as "fall break" and "spring break," neither of which I have anymore.
I realized yesterday at the Barbeque that I don't really connect with freshmen anymore. Last year I was little Miss Social. When people asked me what year I was I could say "oh, I'm a senior" and start all sorts of smalltalk about goals, dreams, majors, classes, etc. This year, they ask me and I would say "oh, I graduated and am working now." The freshmen then physically turn away to talk to a much cooler junior or senior.
NSO for IV and URC is keeping me busy! I can't wait for this evening - I'll finally get to spend more than 1 hour in my apartment since I got back from the west side of the state on Tuesday.
It's September.
Today, I:
After work, I go home to a bustling campus life. We're reaching out to new students, throwing events and activities, staying up till 1 AM socializing, talking about things such as "fall break" and "spring break," neither of which I have anymore.
I realized yesterday at the Barbeque that I don't really connect with freshmen anymore. Last year I was little Miss Social. When people asked me what year I was I could say "oh, I'm a senior" and start all sorts of smalltalk about goals, dreams, majors, classes, etc. This year, they ask me and I would say "oh, I graduated and am working now." The freshmen then physically turn away to talk to a much cooler junior or senior.
NSO for IV and URC is keeping me busy! I can't wait for this evening - I'll finally get to spend more than 1 hour in my apartment since I got back from the west side of the state on Tuesday.
It's September.
Today, I:
- slept in as much as I could
- went to work
- ordered new contacts
- registered for the Psych GRE
- paid my bills
- switched my Internet service
- finished planning the service for Sunday
- emailed lots of people
- mailed my Physiology book which I sold over Ebay
- called my mom =)
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Moving to....nowhere?
Part of the motivational email I received from Bally Total Fitness this morning:
Have you ever looked at the difference between the word "try" and "triumph"? If not, now's the time. The difference is a mere "umph"....
It's so ridiculous that it made me laugh out loud at work.
This is indeed the month of change. I talked to my landlord today and since we're transferring apartments, we're supposed to be packed up and living out of boxes by Friday. Unfortunately, she isn't sure when our new apartment will be ready, so I guess I will be in limbo till probably next Tuesday. Although DTE Energy is very accomodating to our "situation," Comcast is less helpful. We may be without Internet for a few weeks.
Yesterday was a nice day. I worked, packed, took a two hour break to walk around Main Street and windowshop. Although I like moving, I really despise the packing part of it.
I have decided to end my month-long courtship with the School of Public Health. 4 weeks ago I decided to apply for the MPH program in Nutrition, 3 weeks ago I turned in my application, last week I got accepted. This week I'm going to reject the program. It wasn't a bad experience. It helped me to think seriously about the field I'm going into as well as why I was studying Psychology rather than Dietetics. Now I'm just looking forward to a quiet two years in Ann Arbor working and hanging out.
After a month of being very antisocial at work, I decided to talk to people again.
Finally, students are moving back to Ann Arbor soon. It's so strange realizing that I'll be heavily involved with the campus ministry in both IV and URC yet I'm so disconnected with the actual student life. Still, I'm finally beginning to feel excitement about it rather than dread.
Have you ever looked at the difference between the word "try" and "triumph"? If not, now's the time. The difference is a mere "umph"....
It's so ridiculous that it made me laugh out loud at work.
This is indeed the month of change. I talked to my landlord today and since we're transferring apartments, we're supposed to be packed up and living out of boxes by Friday. Unfortunately, she isn't sure when our new apartment will be ready, so I guess I will be in limbo till probably next Tuesday. Although DTE Energy is very accomodating to our "situation," Comcast is less helpful. We may be without Internet for a few weeks.
Yesterday was a nice day. I worked, packed, took a two hour break to walk around Main Street and windowshop. Although I like moving, I really despise the packing part of it.
I have decided to end my month-long courtship with the School of Public Health. 4 weeks ago I decided to apply for the MPH program in Nutrition, 3 weeks ago I turned in my application, last week I got accepted. This week I'm going to reject the program. It wasn't a bad experience. It helped me to think seriously about the field I'm going into as well as why I was studying Psychology rather than Dietetics. Now I'm just looking forward to a quiet two years in Ann Arbor working and hanging out.
After a month of being very antisocial at work, I decided to talk to people again.
Finally, students are moving back to Ann Arbor soon. It's so strange realizing that I'll be heavily involved with the campus ministry in both IV and URC yet I'm so disconnected with the actual student life. Still, I'm finally beginning to feel excitement about it rather than dread.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Red Wine and Hommous
I bought a bottle of red wine yesterday and a wine pump to keep it fresh. It was a good companion to nice conversation with Ian, Rob, and Rob's sister while we munched on veggies, pita, and hommous.
I still don't know what I want to do with my future. I see myself either entering into the School of Public Health, learning more and more about nutrition, finally being licensed to practice clinical nutrition, going into Psychology to complete my expertise on eating disorders, then traipsing off to the corners of the world on a quest for the world to know Jesus. OR, I could concentrate this next year on getting my papers published, presenting my papers at conferences all over the country, and perhaps trying out a new idea of my own (something having to do with a paper on rumination and religious coping), getting a second job, living on my own in an apartment in the middle of downtown Ann Arbor, and finally learning to play the guitar. I guess putting it that way, option 2 does sound more appealing. I'm still praying about it though.
Now that my GRE scores are back, I realize that my future is wide open. I've been looking at schools to go to. I wish New Haven was a nicer place to live because my top choice academically is Yale. Other schools I'm looking at: Stanford, Columbia, Duke, University of Texas in Austin, Cambridge (!!! wouldn't that be fun???), UCLA, Rutgers, Princeton, and more. I think I just need to get out of the Midwest for awhile which means I most likely will not be applying to the program at the University of Michigan.
I still don't know what I want to do with my future. I see myself either entering into the School of Public Health, learning more and more about nutrition, finally being licensed to practice clinical nutrition, going into Psychology to complete my expertise on eating disorders, then traipsing off to the corners of the world on a quest for the world to know Jesus. OR, I could concentrate this next year on getting my papers published, presenting my papers at conferences all over the country, and perhaps trying out a new idea of my own (something having to do with a paper on rumination and religious coping), getting a second job, living on my own in an apartment in the middle of downtown Ann Arbor, and finally learning to play the guitar. I guess putting it that way, option 2 does sound more appealing. I'm still praying about it though.
Now that my GRE scores are back, I realize that my future is wide open. I've been looking at schools to go to. I wish New Haven was a nicer place to live because my top choice academically is Yale. Other schools I'm looking at: Stanford, Columbia, Duke, University of Texas in Austin, Cambridge (!!! wouldn't that be fun???), UCLA, Rutgers, Princeton, and more. I think I just need to get out of the Midwest for awhile which means I most likely will not be applying to the program at the University of Michigan.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Classy Gal
I woke up today and decided to drink my Diet Vanilla Pepsi in a wine glass. I don't know why I did it - I suppose I just wanted to feel classy.
The other weekend I worked on my car with Tim while drinking beer and eating pizza. I was told later I was being a classy girl. I don't know about that definition . However, this past weekend I found out that I did indeed like the taste of Syrah.
I went to a wedding this weekend in Fort Wayne. I didn't know a soul besides Rob, but it was fun anyway. The day was full of adventures and stories such as me dropping lipstick all over my dress in the car, the bride fainting in the middle of the ceremony, cell phones going off, babies wailing during the vows, and the reception taking place in an old barn. I definitely will not be modeling my wedding after this one, but I do agree with Rob when he said he enjoyed the wedding with all its imperfections.
I watched "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" yesterday. I enjoyed the movie. I guess there's just something about a person who was handed the short end of the stick in life and who has to fight to stand on his or her own two feet that really makes me envious of their strength. In so many ways I've just been blessed with so much that I feel spoiled. There's something appealing about the lives of those who have to start with nothing - they have to find a a new community, work odd jobs to afford the essentials, and let go of all the frivolous things in life to embrace what really matters. I just feel like there is so much fluff in my life and I wish I can winnow it down to the things that truly matter.
The other weekend I worked on my car with Tim while drinking beer and eating pizza. I was told later I was being a classy girl. I don't know about that definition . However, this past weekend I found out that I did indeed like the taste of Syrah.
I went to a wedding this weekend in Fort Wayne. I didn't know a soul besides Rob, but it was fun anyway. The day was full of adventures and stories such as me dropping lipstick all over my dress in the car, the bride fainting in the middle of the ceremony, cell phones going off, babies wailing during the vows, and the reception taking place in an old barn. I definitely will not be modeling my wedding after this one, but I do agree with Rob when he said he enjoyed the wedding with all its imperfections.
I watched "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" yesterday. I enjoyed the movie. I guess there's just something about a person who was handed the short end of the stick in life and who has to fight to stand on his or her own two feet that really makes me envious of their strength. In so many ways I've just been blessed with so much that I feel spoiled. There's something appealing about the lives of those who have to start with nothing - they have to find a a new community, work odd jobs to afford the essentials, and let go of all the frivolous things in life to embrace what really matters. I just feel like there is so much fluff in my life and I wish I can winnow it down to the things that truly matter.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
The Love of Learning
It's probably a good thing that I'm headed into academia because as I was studying in the library all Friday evening, I realized with a shock that I was actually having fun. Although it doesn't hurt that I was keeping very good company, I know that the situation left me sounding somewhat like a nerd.
To augment the extent of my nerdiness, I'm picking back up my hobby of reading. Signing up for a new library card to the public library (which I seem to have misplaced today) is one of my biggest triumphs this summer. I'm determined to read through all the Harry Potter books this summer. Unfortunately, the release of the newest book has left the shelves completely devoid of Harry Potter. After recovering from my disappointment, I realized that this will leave me with more time to read the rest of my books that I've been meaning to get through all summer. I have a lovely Tom Clancy book (The Sum of all Fears) begging me to read it, some Christian books (Why Not Women, Political Visions and Illusions, and The God Who Hears), as well as curling up and rereading Shakespeare's sonnets.
To augment the extent of my nerdiness, I'm picking back up my hobby of reading. Signing up for a new library card to the public library (which I seem to have misplaced today) is one of my biggest triumphs this summer. I'm determined to read through all the Harry Potter books this summer. Unfortunately, the release of the newest book has left the shelves completely devoid of Harry Potter. After recovering from my disappointment, I realized that this will leave me with more time to read the rest of my books that I've been meaning to get through all summer. I have a lovely Tom Clancy book (The Sum of all Fears) begging me to read it, some Christian books (Why Not Women, Political Visions and Illusions, and The God Who Hears), as well as curling up and rereading Shakespeare's sonnets.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
A Change in Pace
I've decided to shut down my Xanga site and move on to the world of Blogger. Much has been happening in my life, including my decision to postpone graduate studies in Psychology and first apply to the MPH program in Nutrition at the University of Michigan. I do not know whether or not I'll get into the program, but we shall see.
The art fair is in town. The weather has been beautiful lately despite the downpours that have occurred at the most inopportune times. It's almost amusing the measures I've taken to finally feel like a townie in Ann Arbor. I have joined a fitness club in town, gotten a library card at the public library, and am now determined to find a small apartment off campus for the year after next.
I have been throwing myself into the research I am doing for the Psychology department. With deadlines approaching, I figure it's best to finish the draft of our paper by the end of August. I may start school in September, leaving me with little time to invest more in this paper.
With all these academic opportunities, I wonder how God is planning on using me this next decade. I realize although much of my life makes no logical sense to me, God often unravels His plans in a way we least expect. Take the book of Esther, for instance. It struck me that the path she took was not the most conventional path for saving an entire race of people from genocide. Although my path seems to be deeply embedded in the world of academia, I trust that God has a plan for me and that He will use me in a way I cannot possibly foresee.
The art fair is in town. The weather has been beautiful lately despite the downpours that have occurred at the most inopportune times. It's almost amusing the measures I've taken to finally feel like a townie in Ann Arbor. I have joined a fitness club in town, gotten a library card at the public library, and am now determined to find a small apartment off campus for the year after next.
I have been throwing myself into the research I am doing for the Psychology department. With deadlines approaching, I figure it's best to finish the draft of our paper by the end of August. I may start school in September, leaving me with little time to invest more in this paper.
With all these academic opportunities, I wonder how God is planning on using me this next decade. I realize although much of my life makes no logical sense to me, God often unravels His plans in a way we least expect. Take the book of Esther, for instance. It struck me that the path she took was not the most conventional path for saving an entire race of people from genocide. Although my path seems to be deeply embedded in the world of academia, I trust that God has a plan for me and that He will use me in a way I cannot possibly foresee.
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