The First of the Changes

Last week I took an hour off of my work day to attend a docent led tour of the photography exhibit at the Harry Ransom center. It was a much needed break from the usual grind and I got to set aside my work hat(s) to just enjoy, well, things that I enjoy in life.

Tomorrow is the last day I'm teaching the Thursday evening Ashtanga class at Castle Hill. In December, I'll be saying to another three classes. Luckily these are not classes I've been teaching long, but the change is still symbolic for me in that it's a sign that I'm finally re-prioritizing my life. I need to focus on school more, and that involves creating larger chunks of time when I can sit down and work. I need to spend my free time resting and restoring my mind, body, and soul, instead of running myself ragged trying to fit all my work in.

So what do I want to do more of in the Spring?
I want to spend more time outside in the sun.
I want to focus more on my own personal yoga practice.
I want to explore the more artistic side of me through music and photography.
I want to get more involved with social justice movements here in Austin.
I want to improve my cooking abilities.

No, don't worry, I won't replace my dropped yoga classes with more obligations and responsibilities. I'm just hoping freeing up my weekday to get schoolwork done while sleeping enough every night will give me more energy to take time off on the weekends and relax with the things I love.

Friday I meet with my adviser about my dissertation - what I'm going to propose and when I'm finally going to propose it. There is only 2 1/2 weeks left of the semester and the days are flying by fast!

PS. I have an inkling for a new direction this blog might take so stay tuned!

Growing Pains

(butterfly pic cheesily symbolizing changes and transitions)

I taught my last Wednesday Vinyasa class tonight. On one hand the end was bittersweet as I was just starting to find my groove with the class, on the other hand I'm grateful as teaching the class was wearing me out in terms of my schedule. I had a few regulars in the class tonight and we took time to explore inversions such as handstands and forearm stands.

This week has been like magic in terms of yoga. Someone told me to teach from the heart and I've really been trying to do that. I come to my students open and honest about where I am in my life and in my practice, and instead of "teaching," I bring them on my journey with me. And something has changed. In my UT classes, students are binding and popping up into headstands for the first time. Tonight, I had a student hover in pincha mayurasana for the first time, and another taking courage to attempt handstand for the first time ever! Teaching can be more tiring that people think, but the look of wonder on their faces when students are finally able to do what they've been working on for years makes it all worthwhile!

As the semester is closing out I've been completely burnt out. I'm exhausted, unmotivated, and emotional. I'm also finding myself just in a place of brokenness. While I have a lot of hope towards what's to come, I think I'm facing a lot of ugliness in my own life, seeing flaws in my character and in my heart. I truly believe that this sadness and brokenness is a righteous brokenness (much like what people call righteous anger), and that it's going to serve as an impetus to really examine my life and ask for a change in heart. Like I had mentioned a few blog posts back, I'm entering a time of transition and great things are about to happen in all aspects of my life! I think right now I'm just experiencing some growing pains.

Anyway, I'm embarking on a month long detox to start ridding my body of all the junk I've been eating this past semester. This week, I'm cutting down on animal products (meat, eggs, and dairy) and weaning myself off caffeine. Next week I'm cutting out processed foods. I'm also looking forward to changes in my yoga teaching schedule starting this Saturday as well as the semester (finally) ending next Friday. Projects I'm going to be working on this summer include designing a website for my yoga teaching as well as designing and ordering some business cards. I'm also hoping to write up my Master's thesis and my prepare my dissertation proposal for this coming fall. Then I'll be in Israel for most of July and coming back and moving into a precious little studio apartment in Hyde Park.

Hopefully I'll start updating regularly soon! I'd love to have a public record of this journey and time of transition!

My 26th Birthday

So MUCH to update on. I suppose I'll start with my birthday. I decided in January to stay in Austin this year for my Spring Break due to the need to save up for Israel this summer (which as of now the projected cost of the trip is around $4000!!! Yikes!) Anyway, since I went to Vegas for the first time in February (pictures forthcoming), I decided to have a Vegas-themed birthday party on Saturday. It was a fun time. People dressed up, some in actual casino attire, some stuck to the Casino Royale theme.

There was dancing at the party (notice a stripper pole in the background) as well as a backyard fire pit for S'mores.

For my actual birthday, I treated myself to a shopping spree with some birthday money I received. I went in to work for a little bit, then drove up to Cedar Park for my small group. There, I got to celebrate my birthday again.
My cake was an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen's complete with a cookie crumb crust and chocolate sauce. My two favorite birthday cakes growing up was this cake as well as Sara Lee's pound cake with Cool Whip, neither of which I've had in a long time. Needless to say, this is the best birthday cake I've had in years.

So now I'm 26 years old. For some reason, I really did not want to turn 26. My mother got married when she was 25, and my grandmothers each had 3-4 kids by the time they hit 26, so I think being 26 and still unmarried makes me feel like I've missed some family legacy of some sort. Of course being a woman getting my PhD, as well as moving across the country to Austin by myself without knowing a soul could also qualify me as being in uncharted family territory.

I love new beginnings. I always say that New Years is my favorite holiday because I get to look forward to new beginnings, new plans, and a new chapter. But my birthday also marks a new beginning. And as I look forward to my 26th year and what I would like to see happen this year, I realize that I'm going to be coming up on some major milestones in life. Though I'm not going share all of them, I will share one.

Career wise, I'm going to propose my dissertation within the next 12 months (AND I'll be back on the job market in the following 12 months!). That is crazy to me, as the dissertation proposal marks the beginning of the end of my graduate school career. In addition, if I were to go into academia, my dissertation can also set the tone for my career. Granted I know that not everyone bases their career on their dissertation, but a lot of people do. My advisor, for instance, became famous for and has built his career around the theories he came up with in his dissertation. All in all, this is the year I'm going to making major decisions regarding my career.

My community group at church is challenging me to start praying boldly and with power, expecting miracles to happen and requests to actually be answered. I find that as I reflect on my life this past year and as I look forward to the future, my reflections fall under 3 major categories. Living situation, love life, and career. I'm going to start praying for these three areas boldly, seeking direction and answers. Needless to say, I think this will be a big year and I'm excited about what's to come!