I finally discovered the online journal of a dear friend today that tracks his long trip in Europe. As I read through his entries, I felt a keen sense of homesickness. This feeling was quite strange to me as a) I only knew this friend for a few years in college and b) I'd never stayed in Europe remotely long enough to call it my home.
Throughout my life, I've never been great at making long-term friendships; in fact, I've stayed in touch with only one person from my high school. (Two if you count Brian but he's a family friend as well). Hopefully, this tendency toward friendships of convenience has changed over the last 4 years.
I've never lived anywhere for more than 5 years except for Novi where I lived for 7 years before moving to Ann Arbor. When people ask me where my hometown is, Novi is my answer. Still, there is a sense of rootlessness I feel because I've never truly felt any geographic location was home. I can't see myself settling down anywhere long term in the future either. Home has always been symbolized by people. Home was where my family was. Home is where the people I love are.
Although this friend and I spent only a few years together in the same place, he represents a piece of who I was during that time. Those were a rough two years during which I had to lean heavily on those around me. I've matured and changed for the better since then, but there's a part of my identity and personality from those years that I miss. I've heard somewhere once that you feel at home with those you truly love. I think that's why I felt homesick.
2 comments:
I get pretty sentimental every time we send house emails. I'd never trade where I am now, but I miss crazy girl fun and good conversations, singing and cooking. The memories can't live on, but the friendships can. What bugs me the most is seeing formerly close friends become distant and then absent. Change is so hard.
Thanks for the plug, Trace, the check's in the mail. I know what you mean about home being where the relationships are, and yet there's still a part of me that is attached to place, to landscapes, to neighborhoods. Sure, I could live without that, and a lot more easily than I could live without the people, but to be in a place I know, that's a unique and subtle feeling, and something I would always miss. Long live the midwest!
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