Being Me

Austin downtown shenanigans:

Ahhhhh...finally have some time to blog!! My flight landed in Austin at around 11pm last Monday and I had to be on campus at 9:30 the next morning to run a research study. Let's just say I haven't stopped since. I'm acclimating to my new schedule along with teaching a brand new Vinyasa class, trying to catch up with Austin friends, and have been scrambling to finish up some tasks before I leave for Vegas next Wednesday. I've been driving back and forth town a ton since I got back and really am looking forward to commuting less when I (hopefully) relocate closer to downtown this summer.

But despite the busyness of it all, I've been feeling an incredible joy this week. Which is SUCH A GIFT, considering how I've been feeling this past week in Austin. When I came back from break, I actually felt incredibly discouraged both about teaching yoga and about my research. I felt my work was sub-par in both, and I kept comparing myself to others and found myself coming up short.

When I shared this with my wonderful friend and fellow yoga teacher Sarah (affectionately known as "Struttin'", she reminded me that my worth as a yoga teacher is not determined by my students. It is not determined by how complicated my flow sequences are, or even by the level of energy I bring to the class. My entire worth as a yoga teacher is based on the fact that I am teaching to the best of my ability in order to glorify and honor Christ and that is that. The same goes for my research. My worth as a Psychologist is not determined by how many publications are on my vita, by my teaching evaluations, even by the amount of funding I receive. The important thing to focus on is researching to glorify and honor the Lord. And if I'm aiming to please Him, He will direct my path in the right direction, whatever that means for me.

Coincidentally - or rather, Providentially - the sermon on Sunday was related to that lesson. Hmmm..is someone trying to tell me something?

So I'm letting go of the comparisons, and wishing I was more like so-and-so. I'm letting go of focusing on how I measure up to others in the same line of work as me. And I'm focusing on bringing who I am and what I have to offer to the table. Being true to myself as Christian, and true to what I feel called to do. And let me tell you, I have never felt so much joy in my research and in teaching!

I taught a Vinyasa class this evening where we celebrated our breath. We celebrated our bodies and the movements we are able to take. We laughed, we sweated, we flowed, we fell on our face, and we got back up again. It was absolutely exhilarating! I may not be the best yoga teacher out there, and I may not be the most talented researcher by far, but I'm working hard and doing my best, being true to who I am. And that, finally, is enough.