Refinement

Life is settling down. I've started coming into the office albeit still more sporadically than I'd like. Work and meetings are starting to kick off and I'm reminded of why I do like grad school. My yoga career is starting to take off and I'm grateful to be paid to teach classes. I'm loving teaching yoga, though I'm still learning how to balance grad school and yoga.

I'm currently writing a review paper on self-enhancement, or the desire to be seen favorably. Part of my discussion comes from a cultural angle, and it's gotten me thinking about the western phenomenon of desiring greatness. Our culture in America socializes us to desire greatness, to "make something of our life" and to be more than ordinary. We take setbacks and failures and fabricate a grandiose reason for them in order to continue seeking greatness in our lives. Yet, is it a bad thing to be ordinary?

By definition, very few people are really able to rise above ordinary for everyone cannot be extraordinary. Sometimes I think this desire for greatness hinders us from really living our lives and appreciating the simple things that we have because we keep eschewing the normal in search of something greater. I wonder if the desire for greatness is mutually exclusive with being a good steward of what we do have.

I grew up with grandiose dreams of being the best at something, whether it's singing, acting, ministry, worship leading, or even being the Psychologist who gives birth to a ground-breaking new theory. Yet no matter how I seek those things, I feel ultimately unfulfilled, even bitter, angry, and wanting a new life. In Austin, I've been meeting people who work ordinary everyday jobs (concierge work, waiting tables, retail, yoga instruction) and am struck by how well they do their jobs. They are good stewards of what they have and they use their talents to the max in the jobs they do. While they may not have dreams of grandeur (maybe they do, I don't know), they are able bless others incredibly by just being faithful at their jobs.

I cannot help but marvel at how different that looks from the way I live my life! As I look at the lives of Biblical characters such as Abraham, Job, Moses, David, Gideon, I'm struck by how God did amazing things through these people who never sought after greatness. Rather, their focus was solely on being faithful to the roles they were allotted in life.

It's taken years of refinement, of chasing after pipe dreams and facing disappointments and failures, but I'm finally beginning to learn my lesson of valuing faithfulness in the ordinary over the desire for greatness.