Decisions

"The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots." ~Oswald Chambers

Last week at community group while reading through Amos, I started asking the question, "what does it mean for me to seek God?" Sure I know the Sunday school answer, and sure I know the "long-term" answer, but as a graduate student, as a yogini, what does it look like for me to actually seek God from the time that I wake up in the morning to the time I rest my head on the pillow at night? Last night at community group, I started asking myself the question, "what does it look like to seek good?"

My school cut my summer funding in half, so now the money coming into my bank account will not be enough to pay all my bills each month, much less allow me any social life or even to cover emergencies such as car problems, etc. Good news though: last weekend after 8 months of training, I finally got my certification to teach yoga. This summer, I begin teaching yoga: I teach one class (volunteer position) at SafePlace, which is a battered women's shelter, and I teach another class (paid-position) at UT's rec center. Now I have to decide whether I'm going to apply for more paid yoga positions or to take out student loans this summer to keep afloat. Part of me wants to teach more, part of me feels like teaching more classes in addition to the research I'll be doing at school will leave me overcommitted and worn out by the fall. So... do I take out the loans and trust God to provide? And when is it trust and when is it laziness and irresponsibility to take no action to provide for myself?

There are decisions to be made. But rather than moving forward and autonomously making the practical decisions in my life, I realize that I cannot make them without first asking myself "is this seeking God" and "is this seeking good?"