End of Summer

Hard to believe that students are almost all moved in. It's unbelievable how busy the streets are now in downtown Ann Arbor as compared to, say, Monday.

What a strange feeling, to see move-in yet not have the stress of NSO and other IV events. (By the way, if you ARE on campus and reading this, you should attend some awesome InterVarsity events!) At the same time the emotional stress of the last two weeks finally caught up with me and I've wanted to do nothing but sleep the last two days. But did I sleep this week? Of course not. With a visit from a dear friend and two girls' nights out this week, I'm still sleepy. And this weekend I'll be seeing more friends in D.C. So excited!!

I submitted my first grad school application this month. It's an exciting yet scary feeling! One down, eight more to go. I'm feeling more and more excited and confident - I don't know which schools I'll actually get into, but at least I gave it a shot. I miss being in school - and a year from now, I'll be a student again!!

Maybe I did over-prepare...

The first of my grad school online applications opened up this past week and I decided to fill it out to see how long it takes...

With my personal statements already written earlier this month, and all my recommendations lined up, I found myself ready to press the "submit" button within 15 minutes.

Are you kidding me??? I had to have missed something!

My Weekend in Pictures

The Insomnia Returneth

I definitely discovered bags under my eyes today.

They're moving everyone my age to another wing at work. =( I went running yesterday and my quads are sore - and my back is swollen as well. Ow. So many errands to run this week. I think I'm a wedding junkie no more - two weddings in two days is curing me of that. Learning valuable lessons about what it means to grow up. A lot to mull over. Finished the first season of LOST last night. Don't think I care for it enough to watch the 2nd season. Can't believe we're already a week into August. I'm rebelling from cubicle world by blasting the soundtrack from RENT. The lyrics still manage to give me shivers:

Find, Glory, in a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire, an eternal flame
Find, one song, a song about love
Glory, from the soul of a young man
A young man
Find, the one song
Before the virus takes hold, glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life

Central Air

Dear Diary,

Last night I caved in and turned my air conditioning on for the first time this summer. It was glorious.

Who I am

Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God. "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the LORD your Redeemer. "To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again. Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:4-10, TNIV

I had an amazing "Psychology meets Theology" moment last week. Both a Psychology lecture I attended and a book I was reading ("Renovation of the Heart" by Dallas Willard) addressed the concept of self-esteem. Self-help books and Psychological studies are always looking for ways to boost self-esteem because that's what they believe promote well-being. However, focusing on self-esteem has actually been found to be detrimental to well-being as there are pressures such as how to keep the self-esteem boosted, keeping up a front, etc. Instead, Psychology is beginning to find that the key to well-being is self-compassion: being able to accept oneself and to love oneself. Funny - that's what Dallas Willard says too in a book he wrote years ago before this was discovered in Psychology.

I found that to be extremely freeing and life-changing. Instead of trying to be something, I first have to start with loving myself and forgiving myself. Instead of worrying how others see me, I have to be okay with how I see myself. I have to start with letting go of expectations I have for myself and instead be okay with who I am. It doesn't mean neglecting spiritual formation and character building - it just means to not be bound by a self-set agenda.

The only way to have this self-acceptance and self-compassion, I've found, is a deeper understanding of who I am in Christ. And this passage of Isaiah illustrates the love relationship we have with Him - the romance between God and us (me). It's so easy to be caught up in legalism, but when you understand Christianity as a relational covenant, you find abundant grace, unconditional acceptance, and an everlasting love.

Done!!

Wednesday I finally gave my first talk about my research at a Psych conference. I've presented my poster at conferences, but that's with everyone walking around and looking at different posters and you only ended up talking to people one-on-one. This was different - I had a microphone and a PowerPoint presentation, and I was the only one speaking in the room.

I've been pretty stressed out about this for the last few weeks. People at work who knew I was doing this would ask me if I was nervous. I'd always reply no, since I don't really have a problem with public speaking. It wasn't until the whole darn thing was over that I finally realized how tense I was!

So...my mentor and I submitted our manuscript on Monday, and the presentation was on Wednesday. Only thing left for now is applying for Grad schools and applying for that NSF grant. I'm not so worried about grad schools anymore as I'm done with all my personal statements! The grant will be another thing though....

I watched "The Break-Up" the other day at the dollar movies. I loved, loved, loved the movie! It was not what I expected at all and the ending jarred me a little. I think a year ago I wouldn't have liked the movie, but it so accurately portrays relationships and unfair life is sometimes. I'm putting it on my list of movies to buy along with "In Her Shoes." I also borrowed "The Family Stone" from the library yesterday. What a poorly done movie! It was just weird from beginning to end. However, I like the theme of being true to yourself. SJP very accurately portrays just how hard it is to be around someone who's too concerned about other's perceptions of them.

Rent

Just watched the movie RENT for the first time. I loved it on Broadway, and I love it as a movie. I sobbed like crazy near the end - just as I did when I saw it the first time.

There's just something so beautiful about human nature - there's nothing more beautiful to me than when our image in God breaks through all the grime. Rent is about all these outcasts - people who are struggling to survive in this world. Yet, through all the shame of drug-addiction, battling AIDS, being "has-beens," or living on the streets, these people are simply looking for unconditional, reciprocal love in this broken world.

Ah, this is when I realize that I love being a Psychologist - I get to study brokenness, yet still find hope and goodness.

"Dying in America

At the end of the millenium

We're dying in America

To come into our own

And when you're dying in America

At the end of the millenium

You're not alone

I'm not alone

I'M NOT ALONE!!"

Friends with Benefits

...not those kind of friends and not those kind of benefits!

One of my best friends in life is pregnant and her little baby bulge is starting to show. Since she can no longer wear some of her more form-fitting clothes, I did what every good friend should do: I raided her closet. Someone has to wear those clothes during the next 6 months or so!

Her boyfriend also has, oh, 500+ DVDs. So I figure, while I'm in the borrowing mood, why not borrow some DVDs as well. I borrowed the entire first season of LOST (since I've heard it was soooooooo good) and a few movies.

So I began watching LOST, and let me tell you, it's a lot scarier than I expected! I've been watching them while at home alone, and I get really freaked out when I hear creaks and other noises. Appropriately, this morning my microwave became my phantom microwave. My microwave is pretty much the only lit clock in the front of my apartment, so when I came out to the kitchen, I immediately noticed that the clock light was out. Strangely enough, the microwave was still plugged in and the outlet worked. When I opened the microwave door, the microwave turned on and started running! It took a second to register that the plate inside was spinning and the light was on...meaning that microwaves were radiating onto my face as I was holding the door open...

I shut it immediately, unplugged the microwave, checked my face in the mirror for cancerous growths, took a breath, and scratched my head because I had no idea what to do. So for now, I'm without a working microwave. Any suggestions?

Back to Work

Oh happy Monday. I'm already counting down until my next vacation (Labor Day weekend in DC). It's been a long time since I genuinely didn't want to go back home after a vacation. Usually by the last few days, I'm impatient to be back into routine. I went to Knox for the first time in almost a month yesterday. The sermon was great and very convicting. Afterward, I stayed for the Ephesians seminar run by Jeff L. and Fred B. It's always good to do manuscript study although I have to admit exhaustion from the car ride home the night before did impair my observation skills.

Being gone for a week does guarantee work in my inbox. I'm happily plowing through some work-related research as well as resuming work on my manuscript. I realize my presentation is in 2 weeks and I haven't even begun putting together the Powerpoint slides for it. Additionally, I'm a week behind on my grad application schedule due to forgetting my USB flashdisk at work.

July is always a busy month it seems. Last year I somehow decided it would be good to schedule all my medical appointments during this month so my planner greeted me with a to-do list of appointments to schedule. Eye appointment - check! Haircut - check! Luckily I got my dental appointment out of the way before the vacation. My car is also falling apart (besides re-duct-taping it, I need to get an oil change and do a coolant flush at the very least). I did my finances this morning and feel a bit sick to my stomach. I think voice lessons and photography classes may have to wait if I want to travel at all after my Labor Day trip. Also, goodbye mall, hello thrift stores. I also have to be a bit more discerning while buying groceries. Ah, budgets - how I loathe thee.

Kiss My Lobster Pictures

Back in Ann Arbor. The trip was tons of fun and I can't wait for next year's trip already! My apartment is so quiet now that I'm alone instead of constantly being around 7 other people. Instead of posting pictures like my last post, here are links to all the pictures of the trip that I posted on facebook. Enjoy!
Photo Album 1
Photo Album 2

Kiss My Lobster Day 6

I got my photos uploaded to my computer! Some highlights of the last few days:

• Playing catch phrase
• Learning to play Texas Holdem Poker and kicking the guys' butts!
• Field trip to Portland - hiking and relaxing by the waters
• Eating lobster (yummmm)

Here are some pictures(taken on my fab new camera):

Kiss My Lobster Day 4

Happy 4th of July! Woke up at 1 PM today. We went kayaking yesterday and it was the perfect day for it. The view throughout was just gorgeous. I'm just a little sad because I lost my shorts in a river in Maine (don't worry I was wearing the shorts over a swimsuit). We also had a mishap with poison ivy, but luckily Jessi was quick enough to have us rinse our legs in the river immediately afterward.

We had a wonderful dinner of salad and lasagna and played Apples to Apples while munching on puppy chow. The evening ended with a group of us finishing the first season of Veronica Mars.

Today is lounge day. Nothing exciting is happening except for watching TV and playing video games.

Kiss My Lobster Day 3

I suppose my days are incorrectly labeled since I'm writing these posts in the morning about the day before.

We ended up not having to clean yesterday. Andy called the renter and threatened to put a stop to his check if they didn't get back to us about the condition of the house. We were especially miffed about the moldy hot tub since the hot tub is the main reason we're vacation in the woods in Maine rather than on the coast of Maine. They called us back and sent someone over to clean the house that evening. The hot tub will take a few days to fix and clean up, but other than that we're a lot happier.

We slipped back into the same schedule we were in last year: we had breakfast between 10AM and noon, lunch at around 4 pm, and dinner at 10:30 PM. We didn't get groceries until later yesterday, so we had lunch at McDonalds. For dinner, Clint grilled beef, salmon, and vegetables. This guy is a grilling machine - he carries all his grilling supplies on a tool belt. By the end of dinner, he received marriage proposals from all the girls, and even one of the guys.

Afterward we played video games and watched Veronica Mars. Not super exciting. Today I think the plan is to go kayaking.

I have lots of pictures to share, but unfortunately didn't bring the cord that connects my camera to my computer.

Kiss My Lobster Day 2

Now that we have wireless access in our cabin, I'll be updating hopefully pretty regularly.

So yesterday 5 of us drove from Ann Arbor to Maine by way of Canada. The boys were going to meet the girls at our apartments around 5:30 AM and we were going to take off by 6 AM at the latest. Now, I haven't been sleeping all that well last week and I guess my body decided it was time for me to catch up on sleep. At 6:15 AM I woke up to a group of people knocking on my window. I scrambled out of the house hoping and praying I grabbed everything I needed, and we were able to take off within 15 minutes.

The ride was lovely. We went through Ontario and Quebec, entered the US through Vermont and drove to Maine through New Hampshire. The trip didn't take as long as I had expected, perhaps because Jon and I raced each other (very safely) in Ontario, driving 140 kph in a 100 kph freeway. I haven't been to Quebec since I was in elementary school, so that distinct line between Ontario and Quebec came as a shock to me. All of a sudden, the English disappeared and there was nothing but French. We stopped at a McDonalds in Quebec and they weren't even able to communicate with us in English (among all of us, we had Chinese, Spanish, Greek and Egyptian languages covered, but not French), and couldn't take our credit cards. Since we failed to exchange currency for this trip, we had to wait till we got back to the US to eat. At one point, both Clint and I (in separate cars) both remarked that it felt like we were in a foreign country...which I guess we were since Canada is not the US.

We finally got to our cabin and it is the freakiest place ever. The three that got there earlier on Saturday ended up washing all the sheets for us. Today is going to be filled with cleaning the rooms, vacuuming, cleaning the sauna, and grocery shopping. The renter has decorated the cabin with skulls, swords, and bullets. Mel is convinced he also has the house bugged. Anyway, we're going to try to get some of our money back because it's ridiculous we have to spend a whole day cleaning on our vacation.

I've started using my digital camera and hopefully will have pictures up by tomorrow. =)

Maine, here I come!

I'm turning into a hypochondriac. I think I may have anemia which would explain my fatigue, irritability, headaches, and dizziness. It won't explain the insomnia (a whopping 3 hours of sleep last night!), but I'm getting my blood tested after getting back from my vacation.

Not looking forward to saying goodbye to a co-worker and friend of 1 year. We're going out tonight and dancing to send her off. Probably not the smartest thing for me to do since I only slept 3 hours last night. Oh well, it's almost the weekend.

Looking forward to my vacation in Maine with awesome awesome friends. Leaving early Saturday for our 15+ hour drive. Looking forward to sleeping in, lounging around, hiking, water-skiing, setting off fireworks. Here's our cabin:


Recently got into the TV show Veronica Mars. Appropriate, since last week I threw down some money and purchased this baby:


That's a Nikon D50 6.1 MP Digital SLR with a 18-55 mm lens. So I'll be taking pictures during my hikes.

I also realized I've been neglecting my other "babies." I've been playing more on my keyboard lately and I plan to take my guitar on the trip with me and spend some quality time with it.

Poisonwood Bible

I checked out the Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver to read on my way to and from work. This excerpt made me laugh out loud on the bus:

"So determined he is to win or force or drag them over to the Way of the Cross. Feed the belly first, he announced at dinner one night, seized with his brilliant plan. Feed the belly and the soul will come...The whole village feasted all day, ate, ate till we felt bug-eyed and belly-up ourselves. He performed a backward version of the loaves and fishes, trying to stuff ten thousand fish into fifty mouths, did the Reverend Price. Slogging up and down the riverbank in trousers wet to the knees, his Bible in one hand and another stickful of fire-blackened fish in the other, he waved his bounty in a threatening manner. Thousands more fish jerked in the sun and went bad along the riverbanks. Our village was blessed for weeks with the smell of putrefaction. Instead of abundance it was a holiday of waste. No ice. Our Father forgot, for fishing in the style of modern redneck Georgia you need your ice. He was not going to bring up the loaves and fishes in today's sermon, was a good guess."

It's brilliant. =)

At the blink of an eye

Ever had a week when you felt like you were living a slightly different life?

This week has been one of those. Work has been going well, and I'm been getting done all the stuff I need to get done at home. I've been busy with my own research as well as working on my personal statements. I've been working out and going to my yoga classes. I visited the UM Museum of Art's photography exhibit (LOVED it by the way and am going back again), saw a movie at Showcase (with the exception of the Da Vinci Code, it's the first time I paid over $1.50 to see a movie all year), shopped around Whole Foods for the first time today on my lunch break, and am spending time hanging out with friends. I've also been getting enough sleep every night. Tonight I'm going to visit the new Chinese market in Ypsi and buy Chinese snack foods. And it's Wednesday and the first day of summer.

Things are going smoothly this week. It's scary. I'm so used to chaos and feeling days and days behind schedule or feeling dazed and sleep-deprived. Well, I'm a bit tired today because of the rain. I kept waking up this morning to the thunder and I thought my umbrella was going to break under the pressure of the rain on my way to the bus. I'm not a big fan of rainy days unless I get to stay in all day and watch it through the window.

A few nights ago it really hit me that one day I'm going to look back at these two years of my life and treasure them as two of the best years of my life. After grad school I'll probably work in academia or at a research facility, finally settle down, perhaps have a family, and remember the 2 years in my life when I was living by myself as a young professional with little responsibility and the freedom to enjoy life. I love that I've been hopping on a plane and flying somewhere at least every other month this year. I love that I can choose to spend a week in a cabin with college friends drinking beer in hot tubs and playing pool. I love that I have the freedom to make stupid decisions like go out with friends till late on a weeknight and crash early the next night. Although sometimes it gets lonely and quiet living by myself, I have sole control of the remote and the dishes can pile up for a few days without anyone nagging or complaining. I need to learn to enjoy every moment my life and to live it fully. This is my last year in Ann Arbor, and I want to make the most of it. It's scary how fast things can change. In the next few weeks I'm going to have to say goodbye to some dear friends of mine. Some friends are getting married, others are breaking up, while others are adjusting to the reality of being pregnant. Although I feel so detached from all that, it's a reminder that life can change at the blink of an eye.

Product Reviews

The other week I was in Kroger and Yoplait's whipped yogurt was on sale. I'm usually a Dannon girl myself but I thought what the hey, I'll give them a try. Well, flavor-wise they weren't so bad except it was more like eating dessert than a healthy snack. I'm not a big fan of the whipped texture though. It was like eating airy pudding - gross! If I were an infant, I'd definitely have to be burped after consumption. Needless to say, I'm sticking with Dannon yogurt.

I also bought beauty products from Avon for the first time. My supervisor brought an Avon catalog to work and I flipped through it. I never even looked at the catalog before because my brain immediate processes: Avon: brand-name: expensive, no buy. I was surprised by how inexpensive their products were when on sale - I bought some makeup for cheaper than I would have gotten them at the drugstore. Surprisingly, the quality wasn't as great as I thought. Anyway, I may buy Avon again if it was really cheap, but not otherwise.

Work has been a lot more fun now that I have work to do. I started attending the Yoga classes at Bally's and I love love love the class. I was surprised by how much of a workout it was! I was also shocked by how flexible and strong my lower-body was (from running), and how inflexible and weak my upper-body was in contrast!

My sleep has improved this week although Tuesday night I decided to go out to the Jug with my friend Lena at 10 PM. I didn't get home till 1 AM and the lack of sleep that night put me out of commission for Wednesday. In college, 4 hours of sleep one night wouldn't have affected me at all. Now, it messes my entire sleep schedule up and I can't think straight for days afterward.