Blessings

I've been back in Austin for about 4 days and feel like I'm almost all caught up. I've got a few meetings at school this afternoon, some preparation to do for those meetings beforehand, but I'm grateful to have gotten almost 12 hours of sleep last night. 

It's been an eventful few days. I got my old Chevy all fixed up at the car shop (finally), my inspections/registration up to date... just to sell that car yesterday and buy a new car. With the economy as bad as it is, and because I felt like my Chevy was going to fall apart any minute (and it had no air conditioning to begin with), I bit the bullet and bought myself a 2008 Kia Spectra.

This is hands-down the nicest car I've ever owned. It's got automatic everything, it drives smoothly, is fuel economical, has air-conditioning, and is just pretty to look at right down to the exterior color. And the car payments are definitely manageable for me as long as I am more careful about where I spend my money. The best part is that the warrenty extends through when I am expecting to graduate. So till then, unless I really pull a stupid, I don't have to worry about spending money to fix up the car. And that's a relief after how much money I spent fixing up the beaten-up Chevy I owned.

I woke up this morning and realized just how richly blessed I am in terms of comfort of living. I live in a really nice apartment (and the rent did not go up this year so we're staying in it another year), I have a nice car, I am not in need in terms of food or clothing; in fact, other than the money to travel, there is not a single thing I really need or want that I don't have. I am getting paid to have an education, and I am getting paid to do a hobby that I love: yoga.

What more can I ask for? Seriously?

Memorial Day

My tummy is full from noshing on juicy, seedless watermelon. =)

Yesterday's barbeque was a lot of fun. I forgot how much I enjoy playing volleyball - even sand volleyball. Thanks to yoga, I woke up this morning without feeling too sore. I do, however, need to schedule a massage when I get back to Austin.

Made my way to Ashtanga Michigan this morning despite the insane amount of construction on the freeways. It was a good practice. I was a little tight, and I had left my black mat in Chicago, but I made do with a loaner mat and practice all of first and worked on second through bakasana B. Decided to forgo eka pada sirsasana, and skipped grabbing the ankles in drop-backs since I was still so tight from taking a few days off and all the traveling. I ran into Novi's Memorial Day parade on my way back, so I parked myself at Panera's on Novi Road for awhile and ate brunch and had some quiet time.

While at Panera's, I saw a father outside in the parking lot with his two sons. The older son was around 9ish, with big Asian glasses, while the younger was a sweet, carefree little 4 year old. They were playing by the trunk of the car. The father had forgotten something in the car, so he told his older son to watch the younger one as he went back to retrieve whatever it was he needed to retrieve. The older son took this responsibility seriously. He protectively wrapped his arms around his brother and stood erect, eyes darting fiercely around watching for incoming cars. The younger brother, unaware, continued to play with his pockets and sing nursery rhymes.

Strangely, that struck me as a picture of marriage. Maybe it's because I am a single woman with a string of failed relationships, most of them involving men who didn't look out for me or cherish me as Christ does, but I could not help but think that while on this earth, it would be nice to have a man who had a fierce sense of responsibility to protect me and to love me, and to want for me what my Heavenly Father wants for me. Not, that I can't take care of myself, but it's nice to think that until I am reunited with my Father in Heaven, he sends down someone physically tangible to watch out for me. And I, him.

I'm contemplating spending the rest of my afternoon outside somewhere since it's supposed to be raining the rest of the week. Maybe I'll walk to Blockbuster's to rent some more movies. It's only a little over a mile away, but I'll probably be the only one walking outside since I'm in the middle of the suburbs. ;)

Vacation count so far -
Movies watched: 2
Forbidden Kingdom
Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Book read: 1
A Thousand Splendid Suns

A weekend of reunions...

I remember when I was in college, going home was so boring. There seemed to be nothing to do and nowhere to go... The time home would end up melting into a week of watching TV until my brain was numb.

Maybe I only go home now at "peak" vacation times, but last few visits home were busy and full. I got home tomorrow afternoon, collapsed in a heap on my parent's couch (my parents are gone for another 2 days). Finished reading A Thousand Splendid Suns (excellent book!!), wiped the tears from my eyes, and headed out to meet up with old youth group friends. Novi is developing quite the night life - I was pleasantly surprised.

This morning, there was church, then I had lunch with Che - it was nice catching up and hearing about what everyone's been up to. Now I am contemplating doing a few rounds of sun salutations to burn off some of the food I've eaten in the last few days before heading out to a reunion barbeque.

This is going to be a good week. The reunions will probably end tomorrow, and my parents left me some cash as well as their library card so I can catch up on movies and pleasure reading until they come back home.

Chicago Weekend

It has been a weekend of food.

My Friday began at 4:30 AM with me frantically packing and getting ready to drive to the airport around 6. Boarded the plane shortly after 7 and slept the entire flight to Chicago. I have never flown Southwest before and I was completely baffled by the fact we could choose our own seats. The free-for-all seating left me a little disoriented.

Arrived in Chicago to see Brian at around 10. I immediately realized I forgot to pack a jacket for the Midwest (which is currently 30 degrees colder than Texas). We mosied our way to a eco-friendly, organic pizza parlor and had some amazing gourmet pizzas. I then rushed to Union Station where I made my way to Vernon Hills to see old friends Jeff and Lisa, their daughter Emma, and their new baby Jesse. After a few hours of catch-up and visiting, I headed back to Chicago, changed, and met up with some of Brian's friends for an insane amount of Sushi. Then it was off to a wine bar for wine and cheese, before chilling at a hip-hop lounge.

Slept in this morning despite aspirations to work out in the morning, ate at Joy Yee's and took home Bubble Tea for the drive back to Michigan. Now I'm finally back at my parent's home.

It's been fun, but I'm so tired that I'm a little confused to whether certain conversations actually took place this weekend or I hallucinated/dreamed them. Looking forward a nice long week of rest and relaxation, as well as a rededication to my yoga practice with my Michigan guru.

Exhausted...

I am hoping that this is my entrance back into the blogging world. This semester is finally over and I have spent the good part of the week running around getting my non-school life back together. I have clocked almost 9 hours in the car shop this week (with one more trip to go before the end of May for an oil change and inspection) and am less hundreds and hundreds of dollars. And I am in the process of redecorating my room which involves more cleaning and organizing than I anticipated. With having to pay some tuition in order to TA this summer (spending money to make money?) as well as taking a week and a half off teaching yoga tomorrow in order to vacation in the Midwest, I am left with only one thought:

Life is expensive. Sheesh.

But finances aside, these past few months have been a whirlwind. I've laughed; I've cried; I've laughed till I cried; I've cried till I laughed; I've had highs; I've had lows; I've fallen head over heels; I've walked away from potential heartbreak; I've felt the most loved I've ever felt; I've felt the loneliest I've ever felt; I had to finally confront past demons and vices; I escaped from reality to the Caribbean beach.; I felt lost and confused; I dreamed prophetic dreams; I witnessed 2 people dear to me return to the church; and I watched friends turn their backs on God; most importantly, I've transitioned from being a cat person to a dog person. (That last point was in jest).

Lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. Lots of lessons to process. I teach one more yoga class tonight. Depending on my packing progress, I might go salsa dancing tonight before heading to Chicago early tomorrow. Hoping to blog soon...

4 minutes of "fantasticness"

I know many different versions of these videos have been circulating around, but this is one my momma emailed me.

Clean Air

Just bought this baby:
Only been using it for one night and already a world of difference!! 

Scenes from Mexico

Relaxing on the beach

Hanging out with the resort staff

Birthday surprise

Dance troupes and dinners on the beach

Long walks on the beach at night

Cliff-diving

Chichen Itza

Been going non-stop with school and yoga since coming back. Though one thing is becoming clearer and clearer - busyness is crowding out the opportunities for me to serve and love others. As much as I can, I'm going to begin to slow my life down.

Trust and Surrender

Despite missing Mexico like crazy, it's good to be back home. Have a lot of thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head and a few potentionally life impacting decisions to pray over. 

This morning as I was flowing and grooving in my yoga practice (not difficult to do when the background music was Lenny Kravitz), my teacher brought us to a simple pose and had us hold it. "What if I've said all I had to say?" he asked. "What if we just stayed here in this posture for the rest of class?"

My first reaction was panic. My second reaction was irritation. Finally, I gave up and focused on my breath, emptying myself of all expectations and regrets. And stayed in that posture quietly awaiting the next cue. Trusted. Surrendered. And sure enough, we moved onto the next posture. 

Felt God was speaking to me at that moment. I keep awaiting the "next step." Keep wanting to plan ahead. Give it up to God. Focus on breathing in and out, on being present in my life. Stay quietly and await the next cue. Trust and surrender. Above all, keep listening. And he will move me forward when the time is right.

Been having lots of crazy dreams about losing my teeth...

so I looked up "teeth" in a dream dictionary:

"My Teeth Are Falling"

Dreams that your teeth are falling out are the most common dreams we here at Dream Moods receive. Common dream scenarios include having your teeth crumble in your hands, fall out one by one with just a light tap, grow crooked or rot. Such dreams are not only horrifying and shocking, but often leaves the dreamer with a lasting image of the dream. So what does it mean?

One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Sadly, we live in a world where good looks are valued highly and your teeth play an important role in conveying that image. Teeth are used in the game of flirtations, whether it be a dazzling and gleaming smile or affectionate necking. These dreams may stem from a fear of your sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old. Teeth are an important feature of our attractiveness and presentation to others. Everybody worries about how they appear to others. Caring about our appearance is natural and healthy.

Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety.

Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth represent power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the value of your own opinion.

In the latest research, it has been shown that women in menopause have frequent dreams about teeth. This may be related to getting older and/or feeling unattractive and less feminine.

Traditionally, it was thought that dreaming that you did not have teeth, represent malnutrition which may be applicable to some dreamers.

Other Perspectives

A scriptural interpretation for bad or falling teeth indicate that you are putting your faith, trust, and beliefs in what man thinks rather than in the word of God. The bible says that God speaks once, yea twice in a dream or a vision in order to hide pride from us, to keep us back from the pit, to open our ears (spiritually) and to instruct and correct us.

In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death.

According to the Chinese, there is a saying that your teeth will fall out if your are telling lies.

It has also been said that if you dream of your teeth falling out, then it symbolizes money. This is based on the old tooth fairy story. If you lose a tooth and leave it under the pillow, a tooth fairy would bring you money.

Education System

Verrrrry excited to hear that the education system reform is taking a step in the right direction. Problem is, longer school days will do no good in a culture where knowledge and education aren't being valued...

On a side note, I'm unashamedly smitten with our very ambitious president.

Didn't I have this conversation yesterday?

Serious survey takers only, please...

Are you currently in a romantic relationship?? The University of Texas at Austin is inviting you to participate in a Psychology study on romantic relationships. We are interested in learning how people change in their romantic relationships. At the completion of your participation, you may enter a raffle to win $50. 1 out of 75 will win. You must be at least 18 years old. Thank you for helping us with this important research.

Click Here to take survey

Always check your kid's homework!!

I'm not keen on reposting things from other blogs, but this made me giggle the whole drive to school this morning:

(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day) 

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.

I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.

From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Smith

Women Drivers!

Just a disclaimer: I am very offended by the sexist nature of this video. However, it still cracks me up, and I just thought I'd share anyway.

Anti-Classical Conditioning?

My momma sent me some pictures of a new restaurant in Taiwan. The name of the restaurant is "Modern Toilet." As a Psychologist, it's an interesting concept to me in light of what we know about classical conditioning!

And my favorite (especially since I live with an only semi-housetrained dog):

On another note, I received a sweet email from one of my yoga students over the weekend. He said: "I've attended your vinyasa yoga classes at the rec center these past couple of weeks and I must say that I have a new found love for yoga."

What great encouragement during a much-needed time!

SPSP 2009

So last week I went to Tampa for a Social Psychology conference. The first one I went to back in 2006, I decided Psychology was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Last year, I returned for the first time as a grad student and got completely freaked out. I developed a BAAAAAD case of imposter syndrome and carried that with me all last year. This year was... much more encouraging.
Tampa was an interesting place. I went there thinking there was absolutely nothing to do outside of the conference. I was wrong. The city followed up a weekend of Superbowl craziness with their annual Gasparilla festival. Apparently, a Spanish pirate named Jose Gaspar used to pillage and raid southwest Florida, including Tampa Bay. Finally, the villagers of Tampa revolted and killed the pirate. Since then, every year they would celebrate the demise of Gaspar by sailing "pirate ships" into the bay and shooting water balloons, beads, and coins at the ship.

It made for a fun weekend. The convention center was downtown, so I got to watch the parade on my way from the hotel. I also got to ride a real, authentic trolley on my way to Ybar to celebrate our last night in Tampa. The only complaint I had was that it was below freezing half the time I was in Tampa, and I had brought nothing warmer than a light jacket!

As much as I love to travel, I realize that I don't always travel well. I shared a double room with 3 other people (yes, 2 per bed) and went a bit stir crazy by Saturday. I had no alone time between the conference, socializing/schmoozing, and having 3 hotel roommates, no quiet time, and no time or space for yoga. 

I guess I'm learning how to set up bounderies. On one hand, we're suppose to live missionally, and be willing to thrive under all sorts of conditions. On the other hand, there is something to be said about retreating and taking care of yourself so that you have something to give. I wish I said I was a most gracious, loving person the entire trip, but perhaps the only way for me to be that way is to set up an hour or two of alone time each day on the trip. Perhaps I need my own bed (that did make the trip a lot easier last year!). 

Regardless, it feels soooo nice to be back in Austin. Looking forward to staying put in one place until spring break =)

I wish every trip to the dentist ended like this...

Packing Tips

Not only did I overpack, I overpacked for a 5 day trip to Tampa, FL in 30 minutes. Needless to say, everything was thrown haphazardly into my suitcase and I had to sit on it to zip it up. Not having learned my lesson the first time around, I repeated the same process on the trip back.

Each way of the trip, I opened my suitcase to find a note that my bag was "randomly" searched. Underneath the note, the airline had neatly organized and repacked my luggage.

Lesson learned: a messy packer saves time - and apparently you'll get your luggage repacked for free. 

Happy Lunar New Year!!

I've been wanting to update more, but this semester is just really crazy. 2009 started off really rocky, but the only thing I have to say is God's grace is abundant!!

So much is happening, even just over the past week or so. I'm learning lessons and really living life. I even changed the name of the blog from "reflections" to "living in grace."

Can't write more right now since I'm a little behind on reading for my Neuroscience class (I know, yikes!) but wanted to leave you with one picture.

Since today is another chance at having new beginnings (Chinese New Year), I decided to start off my new year detoxifying mind, body, and soul. Well, part of the body detox is to stock up on nutrition this week and weed out sweets. I'm eating oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, a hearty split green pea stew for lunch, and steamed veggies and brown rice for dinner. As snacks I stocked my fridge with carrots and celery with hummus.

Well, the split green pea stew was interesting to make. At first, it looked delicious as I had added red potatoes, carrots, and other vegetables. However, the last step of the recipe was to blend soft tofu and spinach into a creamy concoction and stir it into the stew. To my dismay, it turned the stew almost a flourescent green color:

Luckily for me, it tastes sooo much better than it looks. Happy Lunar New Year!!!

Happy New Year!!

Final reflections of 2008

The clock reads 12:51AM and I cannot sleep. My alarm is set for 5AM. No doubt a nap will be in order tomorrow afternoon before the New Year's Eve festivities begin.

I've been wanting to post this for awhile, but for some reason have been putting it off. For the greater part of my life, I've had really bad posture due to a weak core. The style of yoga I had gotten into is Ashtanga, which has a reputation for being very hard on the rotator cuffs due to the number of vinyasas in each practice. As I began to build strength, my front chest and shoulder muscles bulked up while my back muscles were sadly neglected, exascerbating my ape-woman posture. This was pointed out to me by a watchful instructor, and I began to really work on heart-openers and backbends. Enter the introduction of second series of Ashtanga, and I was really able to open up. My posture improved, and all was right with my yoga practice again. However, as my second series practice got longer, I've been feeling fatigued in my front shoulder muscles, and I noticed my shoulders drooping forward ever so slightly when I'm resting in bed. I was baffled.

Well, last week I got my answer. Matthew D., the Michigan (more accurately, Midwest) Ashtanga guru I've been practicing under is an absolutely fantastic instructor. After watching me practice a measly 2 times, he made an observation that no one has ever caught before. Though my shoulders were very open and my posture good in the held postures, my shoulders were still hunching - badly, I might add - in transitionary postures (tittibasana and bakasana - for those who are curious). Today, when I was practicing, I got into those transition postures again. Suddendly, I hear him shout across the room to me, "lift those shoulders and straighten that spine!!" I couldn't. I completely lacked the muscles to do so. It was sobering to realize that all this time I thought I was building upper back muscles, I've been fooling myself by overcompensating with being super open in the chest. Matthew later pointed out to me, the drooping shoulders that came back to haunt me was likely produced by fatigue when I increased the number of postures I practiced due to second series.

Underlying problems show themselves during mindless transitions. In the case of yoga, you could not detect my hunched shoulder problem in the "regular postures" - they only appeared during mindless transitions. Likewise in my life, my character flaws and reactions that show up in transitory periods are not aberrant behavior - rather, they are symptoms of hidden underlying issues. I truly believed that I had matured and worked through some character flaws that I had. However, those flaws still show up from time to time: when I am under a lot of stress from school, when I lack sleep, when I am on vacation stuck in a hotel room with my entire family. I wrote those behaviors off thinking they were brought up by these special circumstances. No. These unregulated behaviors are actually indicative of my true state.

So what now? I have yet to make a list of New Year's Resolutions yet (surprising, since it's pretty much my favorite thing to do every year). But one thing for sure I will do change from here on out: I will pay attention to my behaviors during transitory periods rather than excusing them away.

Christmas Break

I woke up this morning at 4:45AM to drive to Royal Oak to practice Ashtanga with a local authorized instructor. At around 5:40, I slid on some black ice, skidded across 3 lanes on the freeway, and got stuck in a snowbank that blocked me from a steep hill. As I waited for the arrival of the tow truck and a very concerned dad, I contemplated just how lucky I was to survive without a scratch! Since I was in the left lane, I could have veered left and smashed into a wall. There could have been cars to my right, yet I coasted all the way to right shoulder without encountering another vehicle. Had the snow bank not been there, I would definitely have rolled down the hill, and had I been going too fast, I would have flipped over the snow bank.

Yet I'm alive. Thank GOD!! I remained pretty calm for much of the ordeal and arrived at the shala almost 2 hours later than I intended. I entered in a state of frenzy, berating myself for a wasted morning and distraught that now I would have a much shorter yoga practice than I would have otherwise.

My instructor gently calmed me down. He told me to stop focusing what I had lost this morning. I couldn't control what happened to me. Rather than viewing my time as lost and wasted, I needed to think of the time before me as a gift. Plans are plans, but you cannot lose what you did not have. You can only embrace what you have in front of you.

I came back from this semester incredibly jaded. I felt unhappy with where I was in my program, with where my life is and where it looked like it was going. What if I had chosen a different field? What if I made some different decisions in my life? What really frustrated me was that yes, I could just pick up and leave and "follow my dreams," but for some unknown reason, I know that I am (albeit unhappily) in the right place. I came back to Michigan for 3 weeks with a single prayer: that God would give me perspective and a renewed outlook on life.

For most of today, I've been chewing on this verse: "I will remove from you all who mourn over the loss of your appointed festivals, which is a burden and reproach for you." Zephaniah 3:18. It struck me that perhaps part of the reason I feel so jaded is that I had these plans of how my life was going to turn out. I have an ideal in my head of what success is, or at least what "success" looks like for Tracy. What it means for Tracy to be following God's call on her life. Now that I don't see how my life is leading that way, I mourn that loss and am completed fixated on the what-ifs.

Plans are plans; they were never anything I had a tangible claim to. I cannot lose what I never had; I can only embrace what I have in front of me. Why do those people in Zephaniah receive God's reproach? Because they are so focused on those festivals, rituals, and plans that they forgot to simply embrace God. So rather than focusing on what could have been, I need to seek God in what is now. I need to lay down the sense of entitlement to the life that I believe that I should have and begin embracing the life that I have. And rather than idolizing what I believe it means to serve God, I just need to cut all that idealistic crap and look for God here and now.

Hopefully, these lessons will slowly transfer from my head to my heart. Excitingly, this is all from day 1 of my Michigan trip!

Ashtanga is not for the faint of heart...

Lamentations 3:22-24

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.

Real Update Soon....

Next few weeks are a bit chaotic - can't wait for my life to normalize!!! For now, here's another video that makes me smile:

Details in the Fabric

Dance!

Tracy versus Midas

I don't think of myself as a person with a chip on her shoulder. I don't go through life feeling like the world doesn't treat me right because of my identity as a woman or as an Asian woman. I am a bit paranoid, however, whenever I take my car in to get fixed.

My car has been racking up some problems: the rear left blinker hasn't worked since July, I needed to get my oil changed, and I have a feeling the O2 sensor is not working as efficiently as it should. I took my car into Midas this weekend and hoped for the best. After an hour, I was sitting in Subway next door when I get a call from the mechanic. "I have some news for you," he says, then proceeds to list a bunch of services my car needs with the final price of about $200.

Crap. My first thought was that they probably saw me and thought one word: woman. Knowing that my car-knowledgeable friend Gehr was only a phone call away, I replied without skipping a beat "okay, I need you to list again what exactly needs to be serviced and how much it is costing me." I interrupted him often, asking him to distinguish between labor costs and material costs. Having clearly taken him by surprise, his tone of voiced changed completely. I told him I wanted to go to the shop in person before signing off on any services. "Yes ma'am," he answered. "We'll be waiting for you."

A phone call later, turns out I didn't need half the services that were suggested. I go in, tell them firmly what I wanted done and what I didn't need done. I ask him how much longer before my car is ready. "Well, we need to get a new air filter for you...that may take about an hour." I looked him evenly in the eye, "Do I really need a new filter?"

"Well ma'am, I guess it wasn't that dirty."

"Could it last another 3000 miles?"

"I suppose it can... yes, you'll be fine until your next oil change."

Bam, another $16 bucks saved. Final amount spent: $50. Tracy wins this round, Midas!

Isaiah 45:4-7

For the sake of Jacob my servant,
of Israel my chosen,
I summon you by name
and bestow on you a title of honor,
though you do not acknowledge me.

I am the LORD and there is no other;
apart from me there is no God.
I will strengthen you,
though you have not acknowledged me,
so that from the rising of the sun
to the place of its setting
people may know there is none besides me.

I am the LORD, and there is no other.
I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things.

Interesting account of Calvinism

"Calvin wrote his epochal work, the Institutes of the Christian Religion, when he was only twenty-six, and never changed his mind on any salient point; in it, he rigorously drew together all the most severe elements of the Old Testament, the patristic writings, and Lutheranism, and derived from them by selection and extension a ferocious theology built upon total human depravity, the implacable wrath of God with man, and the concepts of absolute predestination, the election of the every few, and the certain damnation of all the rest.

Had Calvin been a happier or healtheir man, Puritanism might never have been puritanical, and the thinking of the Genevans, the Dutch, the Scotch, the English, and the Americans ever since might have been different... Unlike Luther, Calvin did not enjoy playing the lute or flute, eating broiled fish, or downing a flagon of beer; unlike Luther, he was small and thin, dyspeptic and ailing, intense and unhumorous. Conceivably, the ascetic and repressive features that mark Puritanism at its unloveliest and have given it a bad name owe as much to one man's glandular shortcomings as to the social goals of the bourgeoisie."

~ from Morton Hunt's "The Natural History of Love."

Reactions?

SNL and Politics

These two videos had me laughing to the point of tears. Enjoy!

$2.99???

Holy smokes! Rode past a gas station this morning on my way to school that was selling gas for $2.99 a gallon...

Just for laughs

Could not stop cracking up this morning:



Ah, the ridiculousness sometimes.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

Why have I not been sleeping well the last couple of weeks? Here's why:

For Sale

Anyone in need of a dining room table? We're replacing the glass table with one I bought at Ikea to match our chairs. There's a few scratches on the glass, but otherwise in good condition. $45 or best offer - the chairs are NOT for sale. Let me know!!

Life's a Blur

It's a beautiful day out today. Woke up this morning feeling incredibly lazy. I cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, did my laundry, booked my flight home for Christmas break, and am now studying for my stats exam before writing a paper for my Old Testament Sunday school class and reading for research.

Life's a blur. But once in awhile I'll get a moment to sit and enjoy the fresh air and watch my roommate's dog play on our deck.

Mysore with Melanie

Living in Austin certainly has its benefits. One is it's ability to attract world-reknown yogis to hold weekend workshops.

This year I had signed up for 3 (possibly a 4th to come) more major Ashtanga workshops. This past weekend was workshop number 1.

To get a certification from the Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute (http://www.ayri.org/), you have to have a daily practice for about 10 years. You have to make 8 annual trips to Mysore, India to study directly with Guruji or his grandson Sharath, and you have to be proficient in the first three series of Ashtanga. On top of that, certification isn't granted automatically; Sharath and Guruji subjectively award their students with that honor. Long story short, very few people worldwide are certified; in fact, only 10 women in the world have the certification. One of them is Melanie Fawer, who I got to practice with this weekend.

I haven't had exposure to an authorized instructor since Russell and Sally visited in March, and I've NEVER taken classes with a certified instructor. IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Three classes with Melanie and I feel like my practice is completely transformed. My mind is swimming with alignment principles, spirals of energy, and my entire body feels stronger and healthier.

Melanie got me into the deepest backbend I've ever done. So I'm getting increasingly proficient in drop-backs, and my teacher Sharon has me working on grabbing my ankles during the last backbend. So I'm minding my own business, working on dropping back when Melanie approaches me during class to assist me with half drop-backs. "Have you done this before?" she asks. I answer, yes, and tell her I've only succeeded in pinching my ankles, not quite grabbing them yet. She answers, "hmmm," followed by "okay, follow my instructions."

She has me drop back halfway and my hands automatically reach for the ground. "Stop," she says. "Give me your left hand."

"What???"

"Give me your left hand."

So I give my hand to her and she proceeds to place it on my CALF. My left side is screaming. Then...

"Give me your right hand."

I somehow manage a desperate "no!!"

"Give me your right hand."

Reluctantly, I trust her and gingerly hold out my right hand. Right hand goes straight to the right calf.

"How do you feel?"

I gasped "like my back is breaking."

She tells me to straighten my legs more. I tell her I don't know where my legs are anymore. In fact, I don't have a clue where the rest of my body is in space. Apparently, that's normal. She helps me up and puts me in a forward fold. "Good. We'll do this again tomorrow."

I had a nice chat with her after the workshop and feel... encouraged. Though I feel less ready to teach Ashtanga than ever, I'm excited about passing on some of what I've learned to my students this Thursday!!

Almost there...

The current pose I'm working on is Laghu Vajrasana - you drop back to the posture above, wait 5 breaths, and use your core to pull yourself back upright. I can't pull up yet, and the last time I tried, I pulled up just high enough to fall back and bruise the top of my head.

So the new strategy is to lower just enough where I don't lose track of my core and can still pull all the way upright. It's a KILLER on the quads so I haven't been able to come down very far. Today my head hovered within an inch above the floor. AN INCH!! Cue victory dance...

PS. For those of you wondering, Austin is going to be safe from Hurricane Ike. They are forecasting thunderstorms and high winds, but I highly doubt we're even going to get heavy rain this weekend.

Ah, blessed sleep!

I slept a full 8 hours last night and woke up happy and refreshed!!

I have a full day of catching up on research and reading ahead of me today, but the nice thing is I have absolutely nowhere to be all day! After 3 days without practice, I may treat myself to not 1, but 2 yoga classes today. A nice early afternoon Prana Vinyasa Flow practice with Sanieh, and an evening Ashtanga Mysore class with Selena where I get to work through the second series. Melanie Fawer, one of 10 women in the world who is certified (not just authrorized!!) to teach ashtanga by Guruji is coming to Austin next weekend and I am gearing up for that!!

Thursdays are my longest days since I TA, followed by back to back classes, teach an Ashtanga class at UT, then finish the night off with community group. At first I was apprehensive about the long day (and it is long), and true enough, by the time I got to the yoga class I was pretty much brain dead. I got there about 15-20 minutes early to warm up with sun salutations and immediately begin to feel better. 27 students showed up to that class, and by the end of the class I was wide awake and ready to go to community group. Good thing, too, as we're studying 1 Peter which lead to some pretty convicting discussions.

Speaking of my church, I'm LOVING the direction our church is taking. We're finally building a church building in the poorest neighborhood in Austin. The vision of the church is to be a church for the city, not just in the city, and part of their building plans is to include offices where non-profits organizations that benefit our city can reside. Anyway, I've definitely had a lot of thoughts about where my life is going, both in the short and long run. But that's another post...

Trouble Sleeping

It's been a week of restless sleep. This morning I dreamed that I woke up too late and missed helping my friend return his rental car as well as my yoga class at 24 hour fitness (resulting me in me getting fired). I woke up in a panic at 8 AM, 2 hours before I was actually scheduled to be anywhere.

Crazy. I must be more stressed than I realize.

Vulnerability

I had the yummiest yoga practice yesterday. Jonny Kest was in Austin and I had treated myself to one of his workshops. 2 1/2 hours of nonstop movement - it was amazing. Lately, as my shoulders and upper body strength are getting stronger, I've been having a blast playing with arm balances. There were no shortage of those in his class, and most of them were used as warm-ups!

An exercise we worked on at one point is to just take 5 minutes and silently stare into a partner's eyes. I got paired with a complete stranger. This woman was a cycling instructor who, as soon as she placed her mat on the floor, asserted to anyone who cared who she was and what her experience was in yoga. Very eager to present herself in a positive light and communicate with others that she was strong, fit, knowledgeable, and capable. But as soon as we entered into the exercise, she FREAKED out. Every few seconds she'd whisper to me "I'm uncomfortable, are you uncomfortable?" I just smiled and kept staring. Then she began to fidget uncontrollably, her eyes began to wonder, and then she'd turn back to me and try to start a conversation. I just smiled and kept staring. As soon as the exercise was over, she broke away and began chatting about exactly how uncomfortable that exercise was, and began to reassert her competence by sharing about her experiences as a cycling instructor. She didn't speak another word to me that entire class.

It hit me how vulnerable people are and what lengths people would go to protect their vulnerability. People do not want strangers to see their weaknesses because they don't want to be seen as lesser people than they think they are. I wonder...why is this? Why do we not want to be seen as less than we are? Along the same lines, why are we so afraid to be wronged? Is it due to ego? Is it something culturally engrained in us? Or is there something hardwired in us that hates being on the receiving end of injustice?

Found!

Found a gem of a picture on my roommate's camera from when Amanda visited. This is us watching the bats by the South Congress bridge.

Ah, I miss the summer already!!

So begins another school year...

This was me at the Houston airport en route from Michigan to Austin, tired after 3 hours of delays.

School has started. My long weekend will be spent writing papers and reading (hopefully by my pool). I was very apprehensive about jumping back into things, but feel much better about it now. If only I didn't get so used to hanging out with people all the time, I'd be much better at buckling down and studying.

My roommate's parents are visiting us this weekend so Mandy and I have been scrambling to clean and finish setting up the apartment. It's pretty much done except for the dining room. I'm selling our current dining room table (we saved it from the junkyard) on Craigslist since I bought a cute black dining set from IKEA. We've only assembled 2 chairs before I hurt my wrists and decided to quit.

Here is the updated living room (the big wooden thing on the left is actually our entertainment system). The only thing left to do in the living room is to install our chandelier light.

On another note... I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but I find that I am constantly plagued by shame. I leave many interactions I have (school, yoga - including classes I teach, friends) regretting things I did or said. I know it's completely stupid because I'll find out later the other party left the same interaction with a pleasant experience. And I find that if I carry myself with a shameful and apologetic attitude, people respond accordingly. So even if I feel ashamed, I fake confidence and joy. But the more I fake it, the more it bothers me within.

I wonder - does anyone else experience this? And how do I get over this propensity toward shame?

My prayer for the school year

Own Me by Ginny Owens

Got a stack of books,
So I could learn how to live;
Many are left half-read,
Covered by the cobwebs on my shelf.

And I got a list of laws,
Growing longer everyday;
If I keep pluggin' away,
Maybe one day I'll perfect myself.

Oh, but all of my labor,
Seems to be in vain;
And all of my laws,
Just cause me more pain;
So I fall before You,
In all of my shame;
Ready and willing to be changed-

Chorus:
Own me
Take all that I am,
And heal me
With the blood of the Lamb.
Mold me
With Your gracious hand;
Break me till I'm only Yours-
Own me

Oh, you call me Daughter,
And you take my blame;
And you run to meet me,
When I cry out Your name,
So I fall before You,
In all of my shame.
Lord, I am willing to be changed

Marta got hitched!!

No pictures of the ceremony yet (forgot my camera at home) but here are some previews:

The bride getting ready at the salon:Her besties celebrating at the reception:

Oh the horror!

I'm one of the yoga instructors for my school's recsports program, and a few weeks back, I was invited to be in a photo shoot for our promotional material.

Today before teaching, I picked up a copy of our '08-'09 informational booklet.


To my horror I found this:


Yes, I am the girl in green sitting in the lopsided lotus pose.

Not only did they not choose any of more impressive postures I held (for what seemed like forever), they photoshopped all my hair out!! (You can't see it, but there's a stray wisp of hair on my shoulder that is coming out of nowhere due to photoshop). Talk about flattering!

Green War

The word "eco-friendly" has been on my mind a lot as of late. My otherwise fantastic roommate and I have one major difference. I'm eco-conscious and she's... well, as far away from it as you can get.

Besides having minor contentions over the thermostat level (I'm arguing to turn the air up to 78-80 degrees while she's more comfortable at 68-70 degrees), I've found myself developing some new habits:

1. Buying eco-friendly and recycled household products such as toilet paper, detergent, and cleaners. Although the brand Seventh Generation is a little too pricey, I was surprised by the selection of less expensive environmentally conscious brands
2. Shutting off the air vents in my bedroom so there's one less room for the central air to cool off.
3. Following my roommate around the apartment, turning off light switches that she left on (gotta figure out how to be more subtle about this one).
4. Digging through the trash can, salvaging any recyclables to take to the recycling center.
5. Driving less. Carpooling more and taking the bus to school whenever possible.
6. Canceling subscriptions of magazines I don't read anymore. Opting out of paper catalogs. Also, opting out of junk mail through DMAChoice Mail and opting out of prescreened credit card offers.
7. Being more vigilant about using reuseable shopping bags. There's been many a time when the wide-eyed bagger watched me stuff more than he/she ever thought possible into my two bags.

There are a few things I'm still trying to work on, however:

1. Using less water when I shower. I still have a hard time shutting off the water when I'm soaping up, but I do try to keep my showers under 7 minutes.
2. Buying local. There's a Farmer's Market down the street from campus on Wednesdays that I'm going to start frequenting between school and community group in the fall.
3. My car. Something is up with the engine and it's now only getting about 20 miles to the gallon (it's supposed to get 27 miles in the city). I don't know why since it's passed all the inspections and everything. I've been perusing craigslist for a cheap car with better mileage so I can sell this car, but nothing falls within my price range (and by price range, I mean the amount I'm willing to ask my parents to loan me). I'm taking it into the shop tomorrow morning to get it checked out and hopefully I can get it to run a little more efficiently.
4. I'm considering buying a bissell sweeper instead of using a vacuum cleaner. They come pretty cheap and are easier to use, in my opinion, than a vacuum.
5. Using less paper at school. I have a nasty habit of really marking up everything I read, and find it very very difficult to read papers on the computer.
6. Buying recycled school supplies.

It's really hard to make some of these changes especially on a tight budget. Organic or local produce sometimes just costs more than regular produce. But I wonder if spending is just like time management. Sometimes you don't need more time, but better time management. Maybe what I need isn't more money, but just better money management.

Keeping Steady

I feel like my Ashtanga practice is has multiple personality disorder. Monday through Thursday of last week I felt like I was clumsily trudging through. Friday was strong and smooth - was able to work through some of second series and just felt like a million bucks. Sunday I hit the mat and felt like dead weight. Today, however, I felt physically crappy all day, but had a smooth and strong practice in mysore.

On the upside, today I had a minor victory - I finally was able to touch my ankles in urdhva dhanurasana. I didn't grab my ankles, mind you, but I did touch them.

On the downside, I'm on the verge of a hamstring injury. My right hamstring has been getting incredibly tight to the point where I can't fully get into the janu sirsasanas and any of the wide legged forward folds. I'll have to back off majorly on any posture involving the hamstrings in the next week or so or risk an injury more serious than my sprained shoulder.

A few more days and I head back to Ann Arbor for Marta's wedding. Pretty excited about the festivities followed by a week of rest and relaxation.

Adjusting to North Life

Minus a few minor decorations and the acquisition of dining room chairs, our new apartment is up and running. I'm adjusting to the new location and a new routine. It's been awesome having guests at my apartment more often - I forgot how much I love hosting and having people over!

I took the bus to school today. Minus the commute time (1 hour) it is actually really really convenient. The bus picks me up pretty much right at my front door and drops me off 2 blocks from my building. If I can manage to get reading done on the bus, I'm all set for the school year.

It's hard to believe that school starts in 3 short weeks. I'm beginning to get anxious to know what my fall schedule is going to be like - both in yoga teaching and my teaching assistantship for school. One thing for sure - I have to take a step back in the amount I'm teaching yoga. It's beginning to get in the way of my schoolwork as well as my own personal yoga practice!

On another note, this past weekend some friends and I went to a lakehouse in Marble Falls and spent the day on the lake, rafting, boating, and waterskiing. It was an amazing experience!

New Apartment (details to come...)

Kitchen before:

Kitchen after:

Living room before:

Living room after:

Bathroom before:

Bathroom after:

My pool:

Barbeque area:

All moved in!

I moved into my new place this past weekend! Pictures to come when the internet is installed on Friday...

Why I love Ashtanga

Today I had the best yoga practice I've had since before I injured my shoulder. Mondays are my favorite practice days as I attend Sharon's Mysore class, an Ashtanga self-practice class where I can take the time to refine the first series and begin working on second series. After a long string of teaching days, I was grateful to be able to truly focus on my own practice today.

They say all Ashtangis go through a honeymoon period with the practice. At the beginning everything is new and challenging. You literally can see your body opening up like crazy in every single practice. But after the honeymoon period fades, you go to practice faithfully day after day, just hoping to see even millimeters of change. My 7-month long honeymoon phase ended in early March. I love the practice. I love its metaphoric nature to life. I love the tight-knit community of Ashtangis in Austin. But I've also been worried that my practice has grown stagnant as I've started to turn on autopilot and just run through the series.

Having to be mindful of my shoulder changed all that. Teaching yoga also began to change all that. Today I notice a qualitative difference in my practice. My jump-throughs had a little more lift to them. My navasanas were steady. I was able to expand my chest just a little bit more in kurmasana and upavista konasana. Heck, I was able to fully hook my right foot behind my head for supta kurmasana. Except for one posture that involves a deep shoulder opening (prasarita padottanasana C), my practice is right back to where it was before my injury, if not beyond. Even my teacher Sharon noticed a difference and mentioned it to me afterward.

Ashtanga is teaching me the practice of discipline. The practice of being faithful to something without necessarily seeing results. Because that discipline does produce a wealth of benefits, whether I am aware of it or not. I just hope I can learn to apply this discipline to other areas of my life, including my spiritual life.

Barton Springs Goodness

A beautiful Saturday with some of my favorite people in Austin. Need I say more?