What do I like?

This is a question I've been asking myself lot over the past week. I've been feeling a lot of unrest and dissatisfaction lately, and couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from. It got to the point where my personal life was bleeding into my work, and my advisor actually approached me and asked if everything was okay, because my efficiency and the quality of my work over the last 2 weeks have not been on par with what it normally is.

So, that's my cue to figure my crap out. I wrote earlier about how I felt I didn't know where my life was going and perhaps I was lacking faith. Through some prayer and conversation, turns out I just don't know what the heck I want anymore.

I live my whole life trying to fit into this ideal that may or may not be right for me. For example, I learn that a Biblical person does this with their money, and I decide that's what I'm going to do with my money. I learn that a good Psychologist does A, B, and C. I go ahead and do A, B, C, and D. I am told that someone who loves the environment is careful to pick up certain habits, and I make those habits a daily routine.

Which in some ways, there is nothing wrong with that, right? I mean, you SHOULD pick up tendencies, goals, etc. that are good and right. However,the problem is I never figured out who I was in the first place! I've gotten to the point where people ask me if I'm a city girl, and I really have no idea anymore. I think I am, but is that because of movies I've seen that romanticizes the lifestyle, or do I actually prefer the quiet countryside?

In yoga, whenever I try to correct bad posture or tendencies, a lot of times I tell people to just observe how their current postures or tendencies without judgement. Because in order to grow and to change, you have to know your starting point. From your starting point, THEN you can make the necessary adjustments. I have NO IDEA what my starting point is in terms of my desires, my dreams, and my preferences. Regardless of whether they are good or bad, I am completely at a loss.

So here begins my journey to discover my preferences. My goal is to only find out what they are without judgement. (I've even started a wall where I will post quotes, clippings, and pictures of things that I like). We shall see where this takes me!

For starters, I love a nice glass of wine with good friends: