Evolving practice...

Some images from Roomie's birthday weekend.

Been keeping busy. Hopefully, this week we will finally finish revising my meta-analysis and resubmit to PSPR. Then it's on to its companion paper. A surprising turn of events is leading me to possibly first author that paper, which is daunting since the paper is purely a theoretical piece. Empirical papers are so much easier to write, and I feel very out of my element on this project.

My yoga classes are slowly but steadily growing. While teaching used to be just a hobby that put some cash in my pocket and gets me free classes at my studio, it's actually becoming a substantial part of my earnings each month. I do love teaching, but am now starting to consider making it more of a (second) career. That involves marketing myself a bit more and investing more time and energy in yoga, but it seems like there have been people popping up in my life just at the right time to start me down that path.

Anyway, I shared this with my Ashtanga class on Saturday, but I had this thought during practice last week. My practice, the alignments that worked for me, even my teaching style has evolved dramatically since I first began. I was a little alarmed when I first realized this, wondering if I had strayed from what is "true." But I realized that Ashtanga has changed my body, my mindset...it has changed me and continually changes me. And as I change and grow, what served me in the past no longer serves me now. My practice MUST evolve along with me. People often act surprised when they find out that I practice the same set of postures daily. Doesn't practice ever get monotonous? No, it doesn't! Because every time I step on the mat, I'm a little different from the day before. Each practice is an exploration of what works for me today. It's a discovery of what has changed, what stayed constant, and how the last 24 hours has impacted me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I love Ashtanga because it requires humility as I step on the mat each day because I never know what my practice will bring.

Are they yogis...or simply drunk?

My momma forwarded me these pictures. Hilarious!

Everything is connected

A friend emailed this to me. Although this is Guriji, I do not give adjustments like this to my students. So rest easy!

Trying to get back to blogging more regularly. This past week found me sleeping on average about 5 hours a night, leaving me pretty discombobulated when my mind and body decided to start giving out around Tuesday night. I slept about 7 hours last night, which felt wonderful and will try to keep recuperating this week. The combination of sleep deprivation and cold, rainy weather is causing me to crave junk foods which is making my physical condition even worse, but I'm seriously going to spend this weekend nursing myself back to health.

Been realizing how everything really is connected. I have relatively tight hamstrings (and consequently, I'm currently nursing a right hamstring injury from pushing myself too hard), a relatively weak core, and left shoulder soreness. Interestingly enough, my friend and yoga teacher Selena pointed out to me that she thinks all three seemingly unrelated weaknesses may stem from my hyperflexible back. Because my back is so flexible, I have a harder time engaging my core, even in easy standing postures, resulting in a weak core. The flexy back also affects how I stand, causing me to stick my tailbone up a little more than most people which causes my legs to tilt forward a little more, shortening my hamstrings and tightening them. The weak core also makes it more difficult for me to engage during chatarangas, causing me to carry more weight than I should in my shoulders. Because my left shoulder is weaker (I had sprained it last summer), it cannot carry the weight as effectively, hence the soreness.

Our body is so interconnected in a way that my back can affect my left shoulder and right hamstring!

Similarly, our mental, physical, and emotional states are so interconnected. How healthy my body is, the nutrition it receives, if it is getting exercise, can all impact my mood as well as my ability to think clearly. The goal of yoga is union, and we seek to be able to view the person holistically as well as heal ourselves holistically.

It really brings new insight into Matthew 12:12-26. The body IS a unit and every part is dependent on the other part working. Disunity in the body is detrimental to the person as a whole, and we as believers are all parts of the body of Christ. If the back is not working properly, the effects can impair even the shoulder and hamstring. Thus it is so important to seek unity. It is important to identity what parts of the body are weak and to take care in nursing it back to health. It is also important for the body to safely learn to compensate for injury in a way that doesn't harm the other parts of the body. How amazing is it that this analogy is demonstrated so clearly in our physical bodies!

Updating my 101 list

I might actually have to redo a little of my 101 . There are a few items on there that I'm not so much copping out on, but are no longer reasonable tasks for me to achieve. For example, it turns out that it's a little too late in my graduate career to be applying for the NRSA if I am planning to graduate in 5 years.

Still, I have accomplished a few things. I tried a Bikram yoga class on Labor Day. I arrived to a hot, sweaty, and extremely smelly room. After years of doing Ashtanga, I have to say that the practice did nothing for me physically. Yes, I sweated, but it was not from physical exertion. In fact, I did not feel winded at all - I felt like I barely worked out at all! External heat does a lot for your flexibility - I was shocked at how flexible I was at 6 AM only 15 minutes into the practice.

I also finally emailed off my research proposal for a project I am hoping to run in Taiwan. With the revisions for my meta-analysis in my advisor's lab, I now have to buckle down and applying for funding for my studies. I have to say this week I've been so busy with teaching and research that I've given up practicing yoga (only been 3 days and it's already KILLING ME!!) and brushing my hair. Hopefully things will settle down by Sunday.

But over the past few weeks, I've had some time for fun:

I saw Wicked with the roomie:

and went to my first UT game.

Unfaithful

Been debating whether to post this since it's going to be a rather personal post. But here goes.

As a relationships researcher, and as a woman in her twenties, I think a lot about relationships. Lately, I've been listening obsessively to Rihanna's song Unfaithful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_4-zRVFLnY.

The song really struck a chord in me. In the song, Rihanna is singing about how much she loves a man. "He is more than a man, and this is more than love," she says. But for some reason, she cannot stay faithful to him. She loves him so much that her unfaithfulness is killing her inside. She hates hurting him over and over again, but she just can't seem to stop. She sings "Our love, his trust, I might as well put a gun to his head...I don't want to do this anymore." I think we as listeners are supposed to be relating to HER pain and HER struggle of hurting the man she loves.

But my reaction is this: THAT ISN'T LOVE!! Rihanna, you DON'T love him. If you really knew how to love, you wouldn't hurt that man!! Yet that is when I realized that we live in a world where people are so broken that they simply do not know how to love. They are not necessarily malicious, they are just incapable of loving.

Very recently I was involved with a guy who was constantly letting me down. And each time he saw that I was hurt, he'd also have a pained look in his eyes as he pleaded for me to forgive him. "I don't mean to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. But I know that I keep hurting your feelings."

The hard thing is that he's right. I know this guy never meant to hurt me. But the truth was, he lacked the ability to love me the way I needed to be loved. It doesn't mean that I should put up with not being loved correctly, and so finally by the grace of God I was able to walk away from that relationship.

I find when I look back at that relationship, I have nothing but compassion on that guy. And I have nothing but compassion for Rihanna's character in the song. And when I hear stories of people hurting (not physically) each other in relationships, I know that more times than not, it's not with malicious intent, but it's because people are imperfect and so they lack the ability to love correctly. Rather than demonizing those who have hurt me or my friends, I feel sorry for them. Because they are doing the best they can, yet their "love" has such limits. (And I'm not claiming to be an exception to this).

The result of this is that I do find it hard to trust people, especially in the context of romantic relationships. However, I was talking to my roommate's boyfriend yesterday and he reminded me of a very important truth.

First of all, I do need to learn to trust again. Otherwise, I'll never again let anyone in my life. Second of all, I have to keep in the forefront of my mind where I am placing my identity. If my entire identity is in how I am treated in a relationship, or even my relationship status, then of course being slighted in the relationship will be absolutely devastating to me. But if I keep my identity rooted solely in the Lord - as His child and as His bride - then there is a lot less at stake. My identity and my value will never change. Relationships come and go. Maybe I get rejected. Maybe I get hurt. I am sure to laugh, to cry, to feel joy, and to feel pain. But through it all, who I am and my value as a human being will never, ever be touched.

Tales from the Recycling Bin

I misplaced my old SIGG waterbottle and finally stopped at Whole Foods to buy a new one today. 1 Liter bottle, baby!! This will keep me hydrated for sure!!

I sorted through and took our recycling to the Ecology Center downtown this morning. As gross of a chore as it is, it's always interesting to learn about our eating habits through this process. For one, we don't really have that much to recycle - I tend to buy more produce and thus don't accumulate a lot of empty cans from canned food. Mandy doesn't contribute much to the pile since she normally eats out. But here are some other things I noticed:

• I drink a LOT of soda. And I mean a LOT. 80% of our recyclables from the past 6 weeks consist of soda cans.
• Mandy eats a ton of Lean Cuisines for dinner.
• I have been making a lot of Mac & Cheese for dinner this month. Probably due to my summer budget...
• I also eat a ton of yogurt. Honey-flavored Greek yogurt, that is.
• We don't drink much at home. There wasn't a single beer can or wine bottle in the recycling this month.
• Mandy and I consume an ungodly amount of HEB's Mango pico de gallo.

Probably not very interesting information to anyone but me but there you go.