Lessons from a back injury

My back has been hurting a ton lately.

Apparently through bad posture and heavy books/bags, I've sustained a chronic back injury through high school and college. I spent the first months of this year going through physical therapy, doing seemingly endless stretching and strenghthening exercises, icing and ultrasound therapy (I still to this day don't understand how ultrasound treats the back) in order to realign my back. I was told I should stay away from running. Finally by spring it seemed that my spine had straightened out and my therapy days were over.

Disregarding advice from my therapist, I stopped stretching regularly, became more lax about my posture, and even began running again. Needless to say, my back has been getting worse again through this year. Still, I stubbornly tried to return to "normal life" with "normal habits" as if my back has never been injured.

I was recently talking to my friend Mel who tore her ACL 3-4 years ago and had to have surgery on her knee. Although her knee has now healed completely, she was telling me that while trying out a dance move, she noticed that her old injury still limits her flexibility and range of motion. She then concluded that although she's healed as much as she could, her knee will never be 100% healthy again, and she can never do things with it that normal people could. She then added the same went for my back. Although my back healed, I can't be stubborn and treat it like a normal back. I'll never be able to slouch like normal people can or carry bags as heavy as everyone else. It stinks, but that's what injuries do.

I started thinking about how this translates to matters of the heart. Sometime over the last year or two I developed a policy of living life at its fullest. I became rasher and more impulsive, made big plans and tried everything once without thinking through consequences. But as much as I want to believe that mistakes are necessary for learning (which they are), I have to realize that what I choose to do and risk - decisions I make today - will affect me for the rest of my life. As much as I can brush aside heartbreak and disappointment (in all areas of my life, I'm not just talking about relationships) knowing that I'll be okay at the end, these very heartbreaks and disappointments will not leave me untouched - they change me and form my worldviews and perspectives and even affect the decisions I make in the future.

This also translates to sin. Although rebelling and committing sins can lead to true repentence and a better understanding of what it means to follow God, and although Christ already bore the punishments for our sins so that we aren't paying the consequences for them, our choice to sin will affect our daily lives and the relationship we have with God, others, and the environment around us. That's a pretty heavy thought. It emphasizes that there is no trivial sin - in both the sense of the seriousness of sin and the consequences of sin.

So after the New Year I am heigh-hoing back to my physical therapist's office with my tail between my legs. I will take her advice and even stop running. I will know that how I choose to treat my back, no matter how trivial the decision seems, will affect my abilities for the rest of my life. There's no more denying that my injury is here to stay.