A Slice of Humble Pie

I had a good Thanksgiving. The food turned out well, the company was great. =) The weekend was oh-too-short but still restful. I also finished *almost* all of my Christmas shopping and bought myself a nice black blazer for $9 marked down from $80.

This weekend was just a good time to reflect on character and grace toward one another. I do have a tendency to be hard on people and to see only their faults. Yet two things have humbled me recently. First is my studying for the Psych GRE. The difficult thing about studying Psychology and people's personalities and/or dysfunctions is that oftentimes you end up studying yourself. I realized one day that I was reading about myself and that the picture was not attractive. I realized that trait that I value in others and myself can be both positive and negative, and lately I've been using those traits negatively. Second is my boyfriend. One thing I've learned is that relationships bring out the best and worst in people and act as one of the most accurate reflectors of who we are. I realized recently that the areas I thought I've matured in still need a lot of work. I've newly discovered a lot of selfishness and self-centeredness in my thinking and my desires. Truth is freeing, but is also accompanied by shame (which precedes repentence) and conviction. I realize that I cannot judge and I cannot criticize outside of mutual and loving disciple/accountability with the body Christ. I should not vent about others because venting is gossip disguised as false concern which only serves to fuel negative feelings toward others around me. I cannot deny others the grace that I myself ask of them.

All these realizations left me feelings pretty crappy about myself until I read Psalm 3. Because we know that David was "a man after God's own heart," we fail to truly appreciate David's faith and confidence. Although David had prophets to point him in the right direction from time to time, his interactions with God probably looked much like ours do today. I wonder if he ever questioned his calling to be king, especially when some hated him and wanted to kill him. Despite that, he was able to cling to incredible hope and faith and say "You are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glorly on me and lift up my head." The Lord is the lifter of our heads. I may feel crappy and realize the extent of my faults. Still, the Lord is the lifter of my head. The Lord has seen and continues to see all our shortcomings, andHe is strong when we are weak. I can go forward confidently knowing that I am called by God and that He is my shield, my strength, and my keeper. I will not cheapen the cross by denying the freedom He has bought me. I will not trivialize his majesty and holiness by failing to recognize the soveriengty of His plans and the steadfastness of His character. What a tremendous peace we can gain from knowing our God!

On a lighter note, I cooked this for my man yesterday:

In return, he bought me a bouquet of beautiful and aromatic lillies. I don't have a digital camera, but I found a picture of lillies that look just like the ones sitting on my bookcase. =)

Tis the season...

...to be sick. After much denial, (AND after surviving a weekend of low-energy, moodiness, and clammy hands), I have to admit that I may be sick. I figure, I'll stick it out one more day at work and rest majorly at the parentals this weekend.

I'm pretty excited about Thanksgiving. The Kwang family is having a real feast this year (never been done!) along with the Chiangs. I'm trying out new recipes and making Apricot/Cranberry Chutney for the meal and a Pumpkin Roll for dessert.

I have to gush about my coworkers. They saw that I was in a bad/sad/sick mood today and dragged me out to the mall for our lunch break so I could walk around and look at the sales. Although I ended up not buying anything, it was just a good break from the usual monotony and it was fun to window shop. Unfortunately, I really wasn't supposed to take a lunch break today, but I realized that none of my superiors at work were in today. My coworkers are such wonderful people - one of them is even bringing some spices into work for me for my Thanksgiving recipes so I don't have to buy the ridiculously expensive McCormick Spices. I definitely need to make a point of spending more time with them. After the Psych GRE, maybe...

Little update on my life...

I was going to post on all my thoughts of late yet I feel like life has moved too fast this past week for me to think...I will make it a priority this week to just spend some time alone and process.

I felt like I was getting to the point where I have so many scattered responsibilities that the results were becoming just that: scattered. Details are beginning to slip my mind and to the point where I'd remember to do something and forget to follow through a mere 5 minutes later. Part of it I realize is the lack of reliance on God (isn't it so easy how we fall into that?!?) in the midst of my busyness.

These past 2 weeks were weeks of conflict yet through it all I've grown closer to those around me and learned more about who I am and where I need to mature and grow. So with all the heartache and friction, it was a good two weeks overall.

I'm growing closer to my co-workers which has been a huge blessing. Besides, it adds to the working experience. Today they abducted me to their office so we could hang out.

It'll be a busy yet fun week this week. I'm looking forward to the Harry Potter Movie Marathon as well as going to see Harry Potter Goblet of Fire opening night. Other highlights approaching are the Pops Concert on Sunday.

For now, I will leave you with this picture:



If you do not know why Rob has an apple on his head, this is who he was for Halloween:



It won him the costume contest. =D

The Cross of Christ

My mind is still racing with thoughts that came up from some major events over the last week and also the Scriptural studies we did during InterVarsity's Cross-Training retreat this past weekend. Being an external processor, I'm attempting to piece together some of my thoughts on this blog. I apologize in advance for the incoherency.

Since my trip to The International House of Prayer last December, Christ has been continually revealing His identity to me as my bridegroom and the lover of my soul. This is the Man whose heart is ravished by my one glance (Song of Songs 4:9). This is the Man who's numbered the hairs on my head (Matt 10:30) and who collects my every thought and bottles up my every tear. This is the Man who has designed His creation and purpose to lead to the glorious day in Heaven when He will be united with His bride, the spotless and blameless church (Rev 21).

This journey to discover Him as a Bridegroom has now brought me face to face with the harsh reality of the Cross. I always thought I had to balance the loving nature of God with the just nature. That the merciful and angry God were two different facets of the same God. That Christ, the romancer, and Christ, our substitute, were also two distinct identities of our Messiah. But I can't separate those identities anymore; they are one and the same. The cross is the ultimate act of love and sacrifice for us.

Jesus is the Man who is so perfect and holy that the least of my sins is enough to separate me from Him for eternity. Yet God loves us so much that he desired deeply to redeem us. He searched for the perfect spotless lamb whose blood could be spilled to pay the penalty for our sins....and He found only One who could do so: His beloved, only Son.

Reading the The Cross of Christ by John Stott is leading me to think more deeply about what the sacrifice of Christ entailed. Four points Stott brought up in Chapter 3 are such foundational truths that I've taken them for granted my whole life. Here I rehash the four points adding onto them my own thoughts and understanding of the points.

1. Christ died for us. He did not need to die. He had no reason to die other than the fact that He did it for our sakes.
2. Christ died to bring us to God. Our sins separate us from God, but through Christ's death this separation is no longer. Call it redemption or salvation (negative and positive ways of looking at it,) we are now able to encounter God through Christ our mediator.
3. Christ died for our sins. This is something we say so often. But when we realize that our sins nailed Christ to the cross, it causes us to realize the gravity of the very sins we spend our days rationalizing away. Sin is serious. Although Christ chose to go to the cross, although physically it was Judas, Caiaphas, Pilate, and the soldiers who nailed Him to the cross (although upon closer investigation, for the trials to continue as unlawfully as it did, a repeat of what happened would be next to impossible), it was our sin that led to Christ's choosing to be beaten, to be mocked, to be humiliated, and to be nailed on the cross. (This leads to another train of thought on grace...I'll post on this topic another day).
4. Christ died our death. This leads to my next train of thought:

In Philippians 2 we find the infamous Christ Hymn (this also leads to another train of thought on Lordship...I'll post on this topic another day). This weekend our studied highlighted the fact that our Christ, perfect God, humbled himself through becoming man, and not just man but servant, and not just servant but He died a criminal's death. I often asked myself why the cross? And what's so significant about the cross? Martyrs later on died equivalent physical deaths; in fact, Peter was hung upside down. Why did this particular death matter? In the past, I thought it a matter of humility. The cross was historically reserved for the worst of criminals; it was illegal to crucify a Roman citizen. Symbolically, the cross was the worst physical death known to man and so this was the death that was chosen. This death was completely undeserved by Jesus who was innocent of all wrong. I thought that this was why it was enough to redeem our sins. But His perfection was only part of the story. The punishment He bore is the other. Christ died our death. Yes, the physical pain was almost unbearable. But looking at the account of His death in scripture, it wasn't until the cry "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" that Jesus uttered words of pain. What is so significant about the cross is that on it, Jesus suffered complete and utter separation from God. From my understanding, no one alive in history has ever experienced this separation from God. THIS is the ultimate punishment for our sins, and not the physical death of the cross. Jesus experienced the pain of separation from God so that we did not have to. Through His death he offered us life. He's willing to look at us in the fullness all our sin (knowing full well that these very sins were the cause of His pain and sacrifice) and speak to God on our behalf claiming our sins as His own: bought and paid for. All this, so that He could spend eternity with us (leading to another thought on unity...).

What love is this! Who is this Man that would love me so? Praise be to Jesus, the glorious Lamb and Bridegroom. Amen.

Me and Emily dearest

The dear girl's costume was made 100% out of duct tape...including the shoes and jewelry.