Mysore with Melanie

Living in Austin certainly has its benefits. One is it's ability to attract world-reknown yogis to hold weekend workshops.

This year I had signed up for 3 (possibly a 4th to come) more major Ashtanga workshops. This past weekend was workshop number 1.

To get a certification from the Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute (http://www.ayri.org/), you have to have a daily practice for about 10 years. You have to make 8 annual trips to Mysore, India to study directly with Guruji or his grandson Sharath, and you have to be proficient in the first three series of Ashtanga. On top of that, certification isn't granted automatically; Sharath and Guruji subjectively award their students with that honor. Long story short, very few people worldwide are certified; in fact, only 10 women in the world have the certification. One of them is Melanie Fawer, who I got to practice with this weekend.

I haven't had exposure to an authorized instructor since Russell and Sally visited in March, and I've NEVER taken classes with a certified instructor. IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Three classes with Melanie and I feel like my practice is completely transformed. My mind is swimming with alignment principles, spirals of energy, and my entire body feels stronger and healthier.

Melanie got me into the deepest backbend I've ever done. So I'm getting increasingly proficient in drop-backs, and my teacher Sharon has me working on grabbing my ankles during the last backbend. So I'm minding my own business, working on dropping back when Melanie approaches me during class to assist me with half drop-backs. "Have you done this before?" she asks. I answer, yes, and tell her I've only succeeded in pinching my ankles, not quite grabbing them yet. She answers, "hmmm," followed by "okay, follow my instructions."

She has me drop back halfway and my hands automatically reach for the ground. "Stop," she says. "Give me your left hand."

"What???"

"Give me your left hand."

So I give my hand to her and she proceeds to place it on my CALF. My left side is screaming. Then...

"Give me your right hand."

I somehow manage a desperate "no!!"

"Give me your right hand."

Reluctantly, I trust her and gingerly hold out my right hand. Right hand goes straight to the right calf.

"How do you feel?"

I gasped "like my back is breaking."

She tells me to straighten my legs more. I tell her I don't know where my legs are anymore. In fact, I don't have a clue where the rest of my body is in space. Apparently, that's normal. She helps me up and puts me in a forward fold. "Good. We'll do this again tomorrow."

I had a nice chat with her after the workshop and feel... encouraged. Though I feel less ready to teach Ashtanga than ever, I'm excited about passing on some of what I've learned to my students this Thursday!!

Almost there...

The current pose I'm working on is Laghu Vajrasana - you drop back to the posture above, wait 5 breaths, and use your core to pull yourself back upright. I can't pull up yet, and the last time I tried, I pulled up just high enough to fall back and bruise the top of my head.

So the new strategy is to lower just enough where I don't lose track of my core and can still pull all the way upright. It's a KILLER on the quads so I haven't been able to come down very far. Today my head hovered within an inch above the floor. AN INCH!! Cue victory dance...

PS. For those of you wondering, Austin is going to be safe from Hurricane Ike. They are forecasting thunderstorms and high winds, but I highly doubt we're even going to get heavy rain this weekend.

Ah, blessed sleep!

I slept a full 8 hours last night and woke up happy and refreshed!!

I have a full day of catching up on research and reading ahead of me today, but the nice thing is I have absolutely nowhere to be all day! After 3 days without practice, I may treat myself to not 1, but 2 yoga classes today. A nice early afternoon Prana Vinyasa Flow practice with Sanieh, and an evening Ashtanga Mysore class with Selena where I get to work through the second series. Melanie Fawer, one of 10 women in the world who is certified (not just authrorized!!) to teach ashtanga by Guruji is coming to Austin next weekend and I am gearing up for that!!

Thursdays are my longest days since I TA, followed by back to back classes, teach an Ashtanga class at UT, then finish the night off with community group. At first I was apprehensive about the long day (and it is long), and true enough, by the time I got to the yoga class I was pretty much brain dead. I got there about 15-20 minutes early to warm up with sun salutations and immediately begin to feel better. 27 students showed up to that class, and by the end of the class I was wide awake and ready to go to community group. Good thing, too, as we're studying 1 Peter which lead to some pretty convicting discussions.

Speaking of my church, I'm LOVING the direction our church is taking. We're finally building a church building in the poorest neighborhood in Austin. The vision of the church is to be a church for the city, not just in the city, and part of their building plans is to include offices where non-profits organizations that benefit our city can reside. Anyway, I've definitely had a lot of thoughts about where my life is going, both in the short and long run. But that's another post...

Trouble Sleeping

It's been a week of restless sleep. This morning I dreamed that I woke up too late and missed helping my friend return his rental car as well as my yoga class at 24 hour fitness (resulting me in me getting fired). I woke up in a panic at 8 AM, 2 hours before I was actually scheduled to be anywhere.

Crazy. I must be more stressed than I realize.

Vulnerability

I had the yummiest yoga practice yesterday. Jonny Kest was in Austin and I had treated myself to one of his workshops. 2 1/2 hours of nonstop movement - it was amazing. Lately, as my shoulders and upper body strength are getting stronger, I've been having a blast playing with arm balances. There were no shortage of those in his class, and most of them were used as warm-ups!

An exercise we worked on at one point is to just take 5 minutes and silently stare into a partner's eyes. I got paired with a complete stranger. This woman was a cycling instructor who, as soon as she placed her mat on the floor, asserted to anyone who cared who she was and what her experience was in yoga. Very eager to present herself in a positive light and communicate with others that she was strong, fit, knowledgeable, and capable. But as soon as we entered into the exercise, she FREAKED out. Every few seconds she'd whisper to me "I'm uncomfortable, are you uncomfortable?" I just smiled and kept staring. Then she began to fidget uncontrollably, her eyes began to wonder, and then she'd turn back to me and try to start a conversation. I just smiled and kept staring. As soon as the exercise was over, she broke away and began chatting about exactly how uncomfortable that exercise was, and began to reassert her competence by sharing about her experiences as a cycling instructor. She didn't speak another word to me that entire class.

It hit me how vulnerable people are and what lengths people would go to protect their vulnerability. People do not want strangers to see their weaknesses because they don't want to be seen as lesser people than they think they are. I wonder...why is this? Why do we not want to be seen as less than we are? Along the same lines, why are we so afraid to be wronged? Is it due to ego? Is it something culturally engrained in us? Or is there something hardwired in us that hates being on the receiving end of injustice?

Found!

Found a gem of a picture on my roommate's camera from when Amanda visited. This is us watching the bats by the South Congress bridge.

Ah, I miss the summer already!!

So begins another school year...

This was me at the Houston airport en route from Michigan to Austin, tired after 3 hours of delays.

School has started. My long weekend will be spent writing papers and reading (hopefully by my pool). I was very apprehensive about jumping back into things, but feel much better about it now. If only I didn't get so used to hanging out with people all the time, I'd be much better at buckling down and studying.

My roommate's parents are visiting us this weekend so Mandy and I have been scrambling to clean and finish setting up the apartment. It's pretty much done except for the dining room. I'm selling our current dining room table (we saved it from the junkyard) on Craigslist since I bought a cute black dining set from IKEA. We've only assembled 2 chairs before I hurt my wrists and decided to quit.

Here is the updated living room (the big wooden thing on the left is actually our entertainment system). The only thing left to do in the living room is to install our chandelier light.

On another note... I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but I find that I am constantly plagued by shame. I leave many interactions I have (school, yoga - including classes I teach, friends) regretting things I did or said. I know it's completely stupid because I'll find out later the other party left the same interaction with a pleasant experience. And I find that if I carry myself with a shameful and apologetic attitude, people respond accordingly. So even if I feel ashamed, I fake confidence and joy. But the more I fake it, the more it bothers me within.

I wonder - does anyone else experience this? And how do I get over this propensity toward shame?

My prayer for the school year

Own Me by Ginny Owens

Got a stack of books,
So I could learn how to live;
Many are left half-read,
Covered by the cobwebs on my shelf.

And I got a list of laws,
Growing longer everyday;
If I keep pluggin' away,
Maybe one day I'll perfect myself.

Oh, but all of my labor,
Seems to be in vain;
And all of my laws,
Just cause me more pain;
So I fall before You,
In all of my shame;
Ready and willing to be changed-

Chorus:
Own me
Take all that I am,
And heal me
With the blood of the Lamb.
Mold me
With Your gracious hand;
Break me till I'm only Yours-
Own me

Oh, you call me Daughter,
And you take my blame;
And you run to meet me,
When I cry out Your name,
So I fall before You,
In all of my shame.
Lord, I am willing to be changed

Marta got hitched!!

No pictures of the ceremony yet (forgot my camera at home) but here are some previews:

The bride getting ready at the salon:Her besties celebrating at the reception:

Oh the horror!

I'm one of the yoga instructors for my school's recsports program, and a few weeks back, I was invited to be in a photo shoot for our promotional material.

Today before teaching, I picked up a copy of our '08-'09 informational booklet.


To my horror I found this:


Yes, I am the girl in green sitting in the lopsided lotus pose.

Not only did they not choose any of more impressive postures I held (for what seemed like forever), they photoshopped all my hair out!! (You can't see it, but there's a stray wisp of hair on my shoulder that is coming out of nowhere due to photoshop). Talk about flattering!

Green War

The word "eco-friendly" has been on my mind a lot as of late. My otherwise fantastic roommate and I have one major difference. I'm eco-conscious and she's... well, as far away from it as you can get.

Besides having minor contentions over the thermostat level (I'm arguing to turn the air up to 78-80 degrees while she's more comfortable at 68-70 degrees), I've found myself developing some new habits:

1. Buying eco-friendly and recycled household products such as toilet paper, detergent, and cleaners. Although the brand Seventh Generation is a little too pricey, I was surprised by the selection of less expensive environmentally conscious brands
2. Shutting off the air vents in my bedroom so there's one less room for the central air to cool off.
3. Following my roommate around the apartment, turning off light switches that she left on (gotta figure out how to be more subtle about this one).
4. Digging through the trash can, salvaging any recyclables to take to the recycling center.
5. Driving less. Carpooling more and taking the bus to school whenever possible.
6. Canceling subscriptions of magazines I don't read anymore. Opting out of paper catalogs. Also, opting out of junk mail through DMAChoice Mail and opting out of prescreened credit card offers.
7. Being more vigilant about using reuseable shopping bags. There's been many a time when the wide-eyed bagger watched me stuff more than he/she ever thought possible into my two bags.

There are a few things I'm still trying to work on, however:

1. Using less water when I shower. I still have a hard time shutting off the water when I'm soaping up, but I do try to keep my showers under 7 minutes.
2. Buying local. There's a Farmer's Market down the street from campus on Wednesdays that I'm going to start frequenting between school and community group in the fall.
3. My car. Something is up with the engine and it's now only getting about 20 miles to the gallon (it's supposed to get 27 miles in the city). I don't know why since it's passed all the inspections and everything. I've been perusing craigslist for a cheap car with better mileage so I can sell this car, but nothing falls within my price range (and by price range, I mean the amount I'm willing to ask my parents to loan me). I'm taking it into the shop tomorrow morning to get it checked out and hopefully I can get it to run a little more efficiently.
4. I'm considering buying a bissell sweeper instead of using a vacuum cleaner. They come pretty cheap and are easier to use, in my opinion, than a vacuum.
5. Using less paper at school. I have a nasty habit of really marking up everything I read, and find it very very difficult to read papers on the computer.
6. Buying recycled school supplies.

It's really hard to make some of these changes especially on a tight budget. Organic or local produce sometimes just costs more than regular produce. But I wonder if spending is just like time management. Sometimes you don't need more time, but better time management. Maybe what I need isn't more money, but just better money management.

Keeping Steady

I feel like my Ashtanga practice is has multiple personality disorder. Monday through Thursday of last week I felt like I was clumsily trudging through. Friday was strong and smooth - was able to work through some of second series and just felt like a million bucks. Sunday I hit the mat and felt like dead weight. Today, however, I felt physically crappy all day, but had a smooth and strong practice in mysore.

On the upside, today I had a minor victory - I finally was able to touch my ankles in urdhva dhanurasana. I didn't grab my ankles, mind you, but I did touch them.

On the downside, I'm on the verge of a hamstring injury. My right hamstring has been getting incredibly tight to the point where I can't fully get into the janu sirsasanas and any of the wide legged forward folds. I'll have to back off majorly on any posture involving the hamstrings in the next week or so or risk an injury more serious than my sprained shoulder.

A few more days and I head back to Ann Arbor for Marta's wedding. Pretty excited about the festivities followed by a week of rest and relaxation.

Adjusting to North Life

Minus a few minor decorations and the acquisition of dining room chairs, our new apartment is up and running. I'm adjusting to the new location and a new routine. It's been awesome having guests at my apartment more often - I forgot how much I love hosting and having people over!

I took the bus to school today. Minus the commute time (1 hour) it is actually really really convenient. The bus picks me up pretty much right at my front door and drops me off 2 blocks from my building. If I can manage to get reading done on the bus, I'm all set for the school year.

It's hard to believe that school starts in 3 short weeks. I'm beginning to get anxious to know what my fall schedule is going to be like - both in yoga teaching and my teaching assistantship for school. One thing for sure - I have to take a step back in the amount I'm teaching yoga. It's beginning to get in the way of my schoolwork as well as my own personal yoga practice!

On another note, this past weekend some friends and I went to a lakehouse in Marble Falls and spent the day on the lake, rafting, boating, and waterskiing. It was an amazing experience!

New Apartment (details to come...)

Kitchen before:

Kitchen after:

Living room before:

Living room after:

Bathroom before:

Bathroom after:

My pool:

Barbeque area:

All moved in!

I moved into my new place this past weekend! Pictures to come when the internet is installed on Friday...

Why I love Ashtanga

Today I had the best yoga practice I've had since before I injured my shoulder. Mondays are my favorite practice days as I attend Sharon's Mysore class, an Ashtanga self-practice class where I can take the time to refine the first series and begin working on second series. After a long string of teaching days, I was grateful to be able to truly focus on my own practice today.

They say all Ashtangis go through a honeymoon period with the practice. At the beginning everything is new and challenging. You literally can see your body opening up like crazy in every single practice. But after the honeymoon period fades, you go to practice faithfully day after day, just hoping to see even millimeters of change. My 7-month long honeymoon phase ended in early March. I love the practice. I love its metaphoric nature to life. I love the tight-knit community of Ashtangis in Austin. But I've also been worried that my practice has grown stagnant as I've started to turn on autopilot and just run through the series.

Having to be mindful of my shoulder changed all that. Teaching yoga also began to change all that. Today I notice a qualitative difference in my practice. My jump-throughs had a little more lift to them. My navasanas were steady. I was able to expand my chest just a little bit more in kurmasana and upavista konasana. Heck, I was able to fully hook my right foot behind my head for supta kurmasana. Except for one posture that involves a deep shoulder opening (prasarita padottanasana C), my practice is right back to where it was before my injury, if not beyond. Even my teacher Sharon noticed a difference and mentioned it to me afterward.

Ashtanga is teaching me the practice of discipline. The practice of being faithful to something without necessarily seeing results. Because that discipline does produce a wealth of benefits, whether I am aware of it or not. I just hope I can learn to apply this discipline to other areas of my life, including my spiritual life.

Barton Springs Goodness

A beautiful Saturday with some of my favorite people in Austin. Need I say more?

Anything BUT lonely!

I realize my last post may have implied that coming back to Austin made me lonely, but I assure you I've been anything but lonely! I was flipping through an old poetry book my dad had given me back in high school and just loved that poem.

Kiss My Croaker ended well. It was one of those rare trips that I wanted to go on forever. Still, all good things must come to an end. Here is a picture of our group on the beach for the 4th of July:


The five housemates from the Pirate House reunited on this trip. This has been the first time all five of us have been in one place since May of 2006!

Finally, a few of us snuck out of the cabin after everyone else was asleep. Late night fun with sparklers.

I've been settling back into a nice schedule of teaching yoga and school. Between my regular classes and subbing, I'm up to teaching about 5-6 classes a week. It has been good catching up with Austin friends too. I've been taking full advantage of the shows at the Alamo Drafthouse this week.

My shoulder is improving. I begin physical therapy next week. I've also started practicing yoga again. This morning I attended a yoga class, subbed a class, then drove down to Barton Springs. It was the first time I've gone to Barton Springs alone. I just felt like spending some time on my own, to read and work on my paper. The temperature was over 100 degrees, and it was just sweltering! I was reading a book I borrowed from my advisor titled "Self-Esteem, Issues and Answers." This led a perfect stranger, M from Boston, to approach me and we engaged in an absolutely fabulous conversation about identity and mindfulness. When the heat got a little too much to handle, I went for a quick dip in the 70 degree water. The water was GLORIOUS!

Unfortunately, my laptop could only take so much of the heat so I couldn't spend the entire day at the springs. I have a feeling the rest of my summer weekends will be spent outside, either at the springs, or tubing on the Guadalupe river, or at Gehr's lakehouse. *sigh* I wish the summer would never end!

Tonight I'm going downtown for sushi with some good friends. At some point, I suppose I have to start packing. I move to a new apartment in exactly 2 weeks!

Alone

"When I'm alone" -- the words tripped off his tongue

As though to be alone were nothing strange.

"When I was young," he said; "when I was young...."

I thought of age, and loneliness, and change.

I thought how strange we grow when we're alone,

And how unlike the selves that meet and talk,

And blow the candles out, and say good night.

Alone....The word is life endured and known.

It is the stillness where our spirits walk

And all but inmost faith is overthrown.

~Seigfried Sassoon

Tales from the Road, Part 2

Today was the perfect day. I woke up at around 10 and just spent some time reading and journaling. I planned a yoga sequence, checked my email, and registered for a class and filled out some online paperwork for school. Everyone had left the cabin so all was just quiet and calm. Later I went on a walk with friends and frolicked on the beach. After a late lunch (at 4pm!!) we went back to the beach where I read and took a nap. I collected a bag full of seashells and surfed the waves. Back to the house, dinner, and evening activities. All in all a full but exhausting day.

I really want to live by the coast some day. I'm not talking about freshwater coast, but the ocean coast. Something about the waves and the salty water really appeals to me. You know how sometimes a setting just "clicks" with you? I've been reading the book "Eat Pray Love" and the author was saying how sometimes a location or a culture just share the same "word" as you. I love nature, but no matter what I try: hiking, mountaining, flying, skydiving... I feel like I'm doing something temporary. Like, it was fun and I'm done with that activity. But out by the ocean, it just feels like home. When we walked by the beach in the dark last night, it felt like home. It still felt like home today in the daylight. Maybe I'm a silly romantic, but I peered out into the waves last night and marveled at the idea that I'm wading in the same ocean that is mentioned in all the history and folklore.

Tomorrow my friend Lily is trying to get everyone up to watch the sunrise at 5:30. At this point I'm contemplating an all-nighter...