Music and Lyrics

"2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song / If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me / Threatening the life it belongs to / And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd / Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud" ~Anna Nalick, Breathe (2 AM)

I've never been particularly talented at expressing myself through words and music. Rewinding back to the last few years of high school and even through the first few years of college, I was so angsty and desperate to let my emotions out that I made a few paltry attempts at song-writing. Looking back, the superficial lyrics and melodies masked a depth that I couldn't seem tap into myself.

I envy those who are in touch with their emotions. I envy those who can put their stories to music. When it's done well, when I hear a particularly personal perfomance, I feel this stirring in my heart.

Maybe one day I'll be able to tap into my life and come up with beautiful music and lyrics. Till then I'll content myself with listening to others.

Current obsessions: Bon Jovi "You Want to (Make a Memory)," Taylor Swift "Teardrops on my Guitar," Kelly Clarkson "Sober."

Home-stretch

I'm looking forward to sleeping when I get to Novi.

Moving really stinks - I'm having a really tough time packing. This week:

• Monday: lunch at Cosi, putt-putt with small group
• Tuesday: lunch at Jerusalem Gardens, babysitting (one last time)
• Wednesday: lunch at Zingerman's Roadhouse
• Thursday: maybe movie at Michigan theater, Backroom Pizza, one last evening of randomness around downtown Ann Arbor and campus
• Friday: goodbye party at work, dinner at Blue Nile
• Saturday: Farmer's Market at 7 AM (!!) finish packing, dinner at Seva, drinks at Rush Street or Bar Louie
• Sunday: move!

Of course with every move, things seem to go wrong. Like I think there may be a dead mouse stuck somewhere in the oven. Or that my rearview mirror fell off and I can't seem to fix it! Or that half of outlets in my house short-circuited this morning and I have to find the circuit board thing.

I'm also trying to finish Harry Potter book seven before I have to return it to my friend tomorrow. I'm on page 200, read between the hours of 11 and 1 AM last night...

Crazilicious Month

My last three weeks in Ann Arbor:

1. Lunch everyday with old friends
2. Training my replacement at work
3. 5 goodbye parties
4. 2 Cedar Point trips
5. 2 yoga classes a week with this amazing instructor
6. 2 birthdays
7. 1 day at Art Fair
8. 1 final babysitting gig for my surrogate nephew

scenes from my vacation

Vacation

This is where I'll be all next week. =)

Yogic Meditations

Yesterday, we ended our yoga practice meditating on how to love and accept ourselves as well as people who have wronged us. We practiced the act of forgiveness. The instructor told the class that the meditation might not seem real at first, that we may not feel the emotion of forgiving, but we must commit to going through the motions and hope that grace will allow our emotions to catch up with the motions.

Sound familiar? I remember being taught this in Sunday school about not only forgiveness, but prayer and worship. If yogis can practice this without the Spirit of God, I can definitely commit to obedient acts of prayer and worship toward God and trust that God will grant me the grace of allowing my emotions and feelings to catch up with my actions.

We ended with a mantra spoken toward someone who had wronged us:
May you be safe and protected
May you be free from suffering
May you be healthy and strong
May you be able to live in this world happily, peacefully and with joy

I didn't like this mantra so I found myself repeating instead:

May God keep you safe and protected
May He carry you through suffering
May He keep you healthy and strong
May God grant you His happiness, His peace and His joy

poor cat, poor me

Fat cat got an infection from a horrid spider bite so I took her to the animal ER. Poor thing was shaking from getting her blood drawn and from the trauma of the whole visit. We got back around midnight and I decided to let her share my bed as a pity gift. Unfortunately, I didn't sleep a wink last night as she thought it was a great idea to keep stepping on me to cross sides of the bed.

shame

after yesterday's sermon, i realize i live with a constant feeling of shame. i wonder how much of it is from never really dealing with my cultural identity crisis.

My Summer Thus Far

Well, technically isn't summer yet, but it's been warm and sunny.

I leave Ann Arbor in less than 2 months, yet I'm so excited for the 2 months to come. We started interviewing for my replacement at work this week, making my move seem more real. I've been up to a lot of nothing it seems. I'm taking full advantage of my library card and have been reading and watching DVDs like mad. I've also been baby-sitting a lot since sadly, I won't get to witness little Bubs growing up after my move.

Things I'm looking forward to:

• Sunning by the pool this weekend
• Cedar Point
• The annual Kiss My Vacation - this year at Hocking Hills
• Company picnic at the Tiger's game
• Road trip to Austin

Things I've yet to plan:

• Meals at: Jerusalem Garden, Zingerman's Roadhouse, Blue Nile
• Karaoke
• Trip to the beach

It'll be a good summer. =)

My Surrogate Nephew

Much Needed Rest

I sprained my ankle running to third during softball last night. Now I'm on crutches for the weekend. It's probably a sign that I've been over-working and over-exercising when I'm relieved at the thought of being off my feet for a few days, although I'm bummed this may interfere with small group putt-putt and Memorial Day BBQ activities.

The Beginnings of Goodbyes

Goodbyes for 2007 have officially begun. 2 of my friends are moving this weekend. One of them has become a dear friend over the last year. I met Katie through M and we immediately clicked. I probably laugh more with her than anyone else. She's moving to Berkeley for her PhD and I wonder if we'll keep in touch. Neither of us are good at it, and both have tendencies to embrace new lives and forget old friends.

So tonight we're going out for sushi and drinks then I start saying goodbye to friends for the next 2 1/2 months. =(

Me and K at Frankenmuth:

Neither pop nor soda

In the Midwest it's called pop. The East Coast christened it soda. I've taken to using pop and soda interchangeably in case I ever move out of the Midwest.

This weekend in Austin I decided to treat myself to a Diet Pepsi (I gave up caffeine). I asked for a pop. Blank stare. I asked for a soda. Blank stare again. I hesitantly ordered a coke. "What kind?" was the answer I received.

On another note, my car Vinnie who I've started calling "Old Faithful," was not this morning. Apparently after being faithful for the last 4 years, the battery and alternator chose to die overnight. Half a missed day of work later, I rued the fact that I had to plunk down a few Franklin's for a car I'll only be driving for 2 1/2 more months.

Jackpot

I absolutely love Austin.

It was a little rough getting in with storms and delays, but today was sunny and the temperature was in the 80s. I rented a little white Hyundai Accent and blasted country music as I drove around town.

It's been a productive day. I'm pretty sure I found a place to live. I also met with my advisor and have some ideas for the fall. I chatted with some grad students that I met during my interview here and found out that basically all the apartments I was looking at were in very dangerous areas of Austin (think guns and prostitutes) - hence the cheap prices. So I think I'll stick with the 2 roommates in the condominum where mommies stroll around their babies at night. I'll drive by this evening just to make sure the area is safe on a Friday night.

So since that eliminated most of the apartments I was going to look at today (I'm still looking at 3 tomorrow - just in case), I drove around and got to know the roads better - to the point where I can get to some places without a map. Oh, did I mention I learned to read a map for this trip? I did a drop-in class at a Yoga studio I found online and absolutely LOVED it. It is so much better than the studio I attend in Ann Arbor. Definitely thinking about joining in the fall.

I also spent some time looking up churches online. I found Austin Stone Church off the UT Intervarsity website, and liked what I saw. It's a mobile church with solid values and doctrine and a plethora of community groups focused on post-undergrad young adults both single and married. There's also a strong focus on theological training as well as missions and church-planting. I learned all this before I found out that the worship leader was CHRIS TOMLIN. Of course I still have to check the church out, and having someone so well-known could have its drawbacks, but I feel like I just hit jackpot.

Austin Weekend

I've been at my job for 2 full years as of today. Time flies.

Going to Austin this weekend to look for housing. The trip is slowly coming together. I get into town on Thursday night. Friday I'm looking at possibly 5 places and having lunch with my advisor. That evening, I may catch a yoga class at a local studio, watch the rerun of Grey's Anatomy, and then I'll relax like I'm on vacation. Saturday I've got appointments set up with 3 apartments (and may add more if I don't like any I see on Friday), then I'm catching my flight back to Ann Arbor that afternoon.

I'm very thankful for my AAA membership as they threw me a bunch of maps and a tourguide yesterday free of charge.

Weather there is supposed to be 80 degrees with isolated t-storms. I was hoping for a little more sun.

Last night...

those of us in small group were coming from different places. Some of us were grieving over a loss of a friend/acquaintance. Some of us were happy and hyper. Some of us were stressed over school. And some of us were just having a bad day. But from our different places, we were able to come together to worship. It was beautiful.

*****

In light of recent events, I've been thinking about how important it is to be vulnerable and open up to my friends. When I get frustrated, I have a tendency toward self-pity and think the world doesn't understand me. But I'm finding as I open up more that although my friends don't always understand exactly where I'm coming from, they love me enough to try to understand and they accept me with no strings attached. I love my friends.

Fun in the Sun

I spent the last 2 days outside and I am sore and my back is completely sunburned. It was well worth it. I had a delightful afternoon yesterday with my small group. We had a picnic in the park and played ultimate and other outdoor activities. I mowed the lawn for the first time as well.

Saturday night my friend M went out dancing for the first time since she had her baby. We've hung out plenty since she got pregnant, but hanging out usually consists of making food and watching a movie at home. The few outings we've had included walks in her neighborhood and venturing to the mall, all with baby in tow. Saturday the girls and I went to Live at PJs sans baby. Halfway through the night I glanced at M and her face positively glowed. It made me happy.

...still snowing...

It's mid-April and still snowing. That's Michigan for you.

I went home for Easter and uncovered a lot of old CDs I used to listen to in high school. You remember the good old days of MWS, Amy Grant, Jars of Clay? Since my musical taste has changed drastically since middle school/high school, I decided to go through all my old CDs again. I'm currently listening to Sixpence None The Richer (their self-titled album) and am surprised by how much I still like them.

I'm still sleepy. So sleepy I slept through my alarm till 8:45 AM and was late for work again. I went to kick-boxing class for the first time yesterday and was really close to blacking out by the end of it. That's what I get for eating dinner one hour before kick-boxing. I guess I'm in shape in terms of Yoga-like sports, but am doing bad in the cardio department. I'll try again next week - but eat a bigger lunch and hold off on dinner until after the class. I've got my first softball practice tonight for the church team (Knox Sox?!?) and then am keeping off my feet tomorrow. My arm is still swollen although it's a little better today than it was yesterday.

M's baby finally learned to smile and coo at me. He took awhile to start doing that since I'm the only Asian face he ever sees. I got so excited I spun him around violently in circles. He cooed more before emptying the entire contents of his dinner on me. I guess I deserve that after pointing and laughing at his parents when he'd spit up or pee on them over the last 4 months.

Tetanus Shot

I got a tetanus booster Monday afternoon and it really hurt. Today I woke up and my right shoulder is twice the size of my left shoulder. I iced it with a cold can of Pepsi at work and received strange looks from my colleagues.

I read that redness and swelling is normal after the vaccine and should only last 1-2 days. Other side-effects that accompany the vaccine include slight temperature, headaches, and extreme fatigue, all of which I'm experiencing. I struggled through Yoga last night before deciding to treat myself to a 50 cent movie at the dollar theater. I almost fell asleep during the movie. (I watched The Queen - it was pretty good!) I got home around 10ish and instead of reading as I often do before bed, I collapsed into bed and fell asleep. I still managed to sleep in this morning. I wish I could sleep it off for a day, but I'm out of sick days till May.

Hopefully I'll be more up and at 'em within a few days.

On another note, I may be heading to Austin one of the first few weekends in May to look at housing. I've got a couple good leads (including living with a girl who's getting a PhD in Counseling Psych) and am excited to check them out. Anyone interested in coming with?

Housing in Texas

I'm not much of a procrastinator, but I've been putting off looking for housing in Texas. As this is completely out of character for me to put off planning ahead, I asked my friend J why I was procrastinating. She responded that it's because looking for housing makes the move seem real and this does two things: it moves my future life forward although I physically can't move forward for another 4 months and it makes more salient the fact that I'm moving across the country...by myself.

Today, I started looking for housing in Texas. Despite all my claims of wanting to live by myself during grad school, I emailed my future colleagues to see if any of them were looking for housemates. I don't expect to hear back that soon, and in the meantime I made some calls to cheaper apartment complexes around the campus to inquire about their singles (I'm to call back in June). But I find myself checking my email every 5 minutes hoping that the current grad students have opening in their apartments. To my surprise, I much rather live with others than live alone. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've been watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy and I've romanticized what it would be like to have roommates again. Maybe it's because I'm currently writing a paper on the fear of loneliness. Maybe I'm realizing that money is scarce during grad school and I really should live with others to save on utilities and the likes.

I really hope I hear back from them soon.