I had a good but brief conversation with my adviser yesterday that basically highlighted the need for us to sit down and talk about the next 2 years of my graduate career. I am hoping to write up a Master's Thesis this summer and earn a new set of letters after my name to show for my last 3 years of work. In the fall, I'm probably going to propose my dissertation. That is, unless we decide to shoot for a grant (either a lab grant or a dissertation grant for me). In the off-chance we get the grant, I will likely stay in Austin a 6th year, which would mean I'd wait another year before proposing a dissertation. In the meantime, I have been itching to start bridging the gap between my research and the topic of human trafficking, and I need to start focusing my attention there.
Long story short, there is a lot to think about. Which brings me to an observation that I've made recently.
As a yoga teacher, I'm a huge proponent of practicing what I teach, and I realize there are certain aspects of the Ashtanga practice that I teach but don't do. For example, I teach my students that the most important part of the Ashtanga sequence is the last three pranayama postures and savasana. Confession time: I've been hypocritically skipping (or at the very least truncating) those postures in my own practice. In the Screwtape Letters, CS Lewis makes the point that we as humans often hold multiple "truths" in our heads and don't pay attention to how these "truths" contradict one another. The reality is that there can only be one truth and truth cannot contradict itself. So if I really believe that it is the truth that savasana is the most important aspect of the practice, I cannot skip it in my own practice. If I do, I'm saying that I don't believe that particular "truth" and I believe in the "truth" that it is not important in my own practice.
Which brings me back to research. I'm convinced that my interest and growing passion for social justice, particularly human trafficking, is from God. And that a lot of my training and education is preparing me to do something in that area. That it is no accident that in the last month, about 4-5 people have independently told me to think more deeply about International Justice Mission and their work. Plus my hangup in this career direction is my insecurity about my statistical knowledge and I find out on Tuesday that this summer I have the opportunity to take a 2 day intensive workshop with one of the greatest statistical minds in our field. So, if I believe that God is directing me into this area of research, shouldn't my actions reflect that? Not that I should stop my research on relationships (I still think that it is important research), but I need to allocate more of my time to social justice research, and stop worrying about advancing my career in topics outside of social justice. Basically, if I really believe that God called me to something, there is no need to keep relying on a plan B. I cannot say I believe in God's calling, and at the same time act in a way that shows distrust in Him. That is, I cannot demonstrate belief in two contradicting "truths" because it is both philosophically and logically impossible.
So this summer I have to get my priorities straight in my career. If I really believe God's calling, my actions and the projects I take on MUST reflect what I believe to be true. I have finally decided to say no to an opportunity I had recently to start a business that could potentially be very successful. It's not about money. It's not about success. It's about doing what I'm called to do and to be true to the Truth that am professing to believe.
