Sad, but true....

Imposter Syndrome

im·pos·tor syn·drome /ɪmˈpɒstər/ /ˈsɪndroʊm, -drəm/
-noun

1. Feeling like a fake
2. Attributing success to luck
3. Discounting and downplaying success
4. What Tracy is MAJORLY experiencing this semester

It's getting to be a problem. It really is. I shared this with my community group tonight during prayer requests and it led to major breakthroughs and feelings of relief among the women. So much so that one of the guys felt led to pray over the women. Haha, I love my community group.

Slowed Down

Saturday morning I strained some muscle in my rotator cuff. I think it's the infraspinatus, but I'm not sure. To say the least, it's greatly slowed down general movement and breathing, not to mention my yoga practice.

School's started again, and I'm adjusting to a new TA schedule, new classes, running research studies, and switching from early morning yoga classes to night yoga classes. I'm still recovering from break, and I find myself constantly tired.

During quiet times, I keep running into a theme: aloneness with God.

What does that mean exactly? When do I cling to community and when do I shut out outside influence and just sit in silence? When do I "venture" into the real world and when do I shelter myself?

And finally, I ask myself, why do I fear being alone when it comes to interpersonal relationships - both platonic and romantic?

The Uses of Not

Thirty spokes
Meet in the hub,
Where the wheel isn't
Is where it's useful.

Hollowed out,
Clay makes a pot.
Where the pot's not
Is where it's useful.

Cut doors and windows
To make a room.
Where the room isn't,
There's room for you.

So the profit in what is
Is in the use of what isn't.

~~Lao Tzu

Another Year

Happy New Year! Back in Austin trying to get my head back together after a 3 week vacation from school... luckily I caught a few items with a deadline of Jan. 4 while going through school emails before it was too late!!

I think New Years might be my favorite holiday since it really symbolizes new beginnings. I've learned, however, that change and new beginnings don't happen overnight. Still, it's exciting to have a day that marks a looking forward to changes in my life.

A few weeks ago, some friends and I gathered at the Heidelberg in downtown Ann Arbor and wrote our New Year resolutions. Here are a few of mine:

1. Improve my Mandarin. I'm going to start going through my Chinese school CDs again, and maybe even take a Chinese class at UT over the summer.
   
2. Get my yoga teaching certification and finish the Ashtanga Primary Series.


3. Get more involved in my church. I'm wavering between committing to the church I attend now and looking for a new church. I attended a Chinese church before break, and they've been really great at persisting contact with me. Unfortunately, there is only one service I can attend on Sunday, and it really isn't the best time for me... Either way, I'm going to start going to Sunday school classes and be more proactive about hanging out with people outside of small group.


4. Go waterskiing.