How do I love?

In response to my low iron levels, I made Tomato-Curry Lentil Stew (lentils are supposed to be uber high in iron). I'm switching to white rice this week (brown rice inhibits iron absorption) and will continue taking iron pills. Hopefully when I attempt to give blood again next week, they won't turn me away again. Curry and tomatoes are quite a tasty combination, if I do say so myself.

Being a Social Psychologist, people often ask me if I analyze people all the time? (By the way, I find that question EXTREMELY annoying, so please don't ask me if you haven't already!) I usually answer no, because otherwise the other person shuts up really quickly. The truth is, though I don't intentionally analyze everyone I meet, I'm definitely very aware of how a person tries to present him or herself. One of my main lines of research has to do with identity negotiation: how a person "negotiates" with those around them how they want to be seen as well as the underlying motivations behind the negotiation process.

Anyway I recently noticed two particular people in my life who have some deep-seated insecurities in their identities. One woman is very insecure in her position in her life. She compensates for this by clinging onto an identity of a nurturer and at every opportunity tries to assert her authority and care upon others. Sometimes it's welcomed, sometimes it's not. Though her intentions are good, I've noticed that need holding her bondage. As soon as her sense of authority or ability to nurture is undermined, she becomes very defensive and hurt.

Another man constantly boasts about his abilities and his experiences. I found it to be tiresome to listen to until one day he said something that made me realize the only reason he boasts so much is because he really doesn't believe in himself. He has an inferiority complex that is driving him to verbally assert who he is to any listening ear.

So my question is, what is the loving thing to do? For both this man and this woman, their insecurities have such a hold on their life. Do I encourage them and indulge them, driving them deeper into their habit of self-assertion, or do I refuse to indulge them? Or will my constant encouragement help them to let go of their need to assert who they are?

A field agent is not my calling...

Here's another thing knocked off of my list: playing laser tag. The first game was not a lot of fun what with dozens of 13 year olds trying to reenact the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan. No one signed up for the second game we played, so the six girls played against one another. I started off crouching down trying to be all stealthy like the characters in Alias. Finally I gave up, stood tall and walked around shooting at anything that moved. Apparently, that's a better strategy. Still, if I were in a movie that involved a shootout, I would be that character who died stupidly in the first 3 minutes from being shot in the back.

A good friend of mine subbed the mysore class I was practicing at today, and I was really blown away by her ability to teach. I've taken her led classes before, but she really does shine in teaching Mysore. In my opinion, it takes a lot of skill to be able to teach yoga well. Not only do you have to have a deep understanding of the postures, but you have toknow the mechanics of the human body to be able to adapt different bodies to the same posture. Add to that the ability to verbalize instructions and a firm touch for adjusting, not to mention having God-given charisma and presence.... it is not easy to be a good yoga teacher! Whenever I encounter a truly talented teacher, I am humbled and inspired to work harder. I am grateful that I am first and foremost a student, and that I have a community of teachers who are willing to take the time to grow me as both a yoga practitioner and a yoga teacher!

Got Iron?

I've been feeling super tired the last 2 weeks or so. I've always been on the anemic side in terms of iron level, but usually iron pills solve the problem. Despite having taken both a multi-vitamin and an iron supplement every day for the last few weeks, my iron count was still too low for me to donate blood last week.

When I told my mom about it, she sent me the following information off of http://www.healthcastle.com/iron.shtml.

The sad thing is, this past week I've only been eating foods from the "Iron Absorption Inhibitors" box. I eat plenty of whole grain and bran, I drink soy milk and eat lots of tofu and edamame. Red wine is my alcoholic beverage of choice.

I tried to put a little more iron in my system this weekend, but I'm still exhausted. I may make myself some chicken soup this week or some lentil and bean stew and hopefully my energy level will start to rise again.

I leave you with the advice my mom emailed me along with the link:

"At the same time, give yourself a lot of fruit to avoid constipation."

Thanks, Momma!

B-Scene with the Yoga Girls

Taught two awesome flow classes today! The energy was great in both classes, and I focused my classes around riding the breath and bandhas through each posture. We worked the hamstrings, shoulders, and of course the core until we reached our peak posture: eka pada galavasana.

It's one of my favorite poses because not only does it open my hips up and work my core (actively coiling the navel up), but it also teaches me to really activate and strengthen my back leg.

I'm really bad at blogging about when I've knocked out one of my 101 things. Last night, I went to B-Scene (monthly Blanton Museum's gallery opening party) with the Yoga girls.

Here's a blurry shot that gives you a sense of what the museum was like.
Here's a better picture of my lovely ladies:

Redecorating Room, Phase 1

Reorganized my closet, and cleaned up my space. Redecorating my room.

Bed Before:

Bed after:

I still need to get some green throw pillows for the bed, some green accent vases for the shelf. Eventually I will invest in some curtains as well!

*edit* - I lowered the shelf by about a foot. Looks much better!!!

Re-Prioritizing

It's been a little quiet lately in the blogging world since I've been working on reorganizing and reprioritizing my life before the school year begins. One thing I've learned - if I don't care of my "home and personal life", the pressures of school life, yoga life, and social life will eventually crash down on me.

With school, I am involved in many many projects and responsibilities this year and I'm going to have to really step up my efficiency level. I'm going to stop spending time on Facebook throughout the week and really stop wasting my time on the Internet.

With yoga, I achieved one of my goals of finishing the David Swenson training, auditioning to teach Ashtanga at Yoga Yoga (dang, should have included that as part of my 101) and now am on the schedule to teach Ashtanga this fall at Yoga Yoga. I still have a flow (or rather, vinyasa) class this fall. I've been really convicted to step up the quality of my teaching this fall. Free day of yoga might draw a lot of new students into the studio, and the new school year might bring tons of new students to my UT classes. I feel like I've been half-hazard in my teaching lately and I need to practice being present, being alert, and being prepared for all my classes! I have 4 classes a week on my schedule this fall and am looking into the possibility of teaching a few privates (though I doubt I'll be able to with my schedule...)

Finally, I've been spending some time finally cleaning and redecorating my room. I really feel like your personal space is a reflection of your spiritual state. I finally tackled the junk piles that have been laying around the last year, hung up frames on my walls, and am now in the process of reorganizing my closet and trimming my wardrobe. Hopefully I'll have finished that before I head to IKEA on Friday. Since my room is now mostly black and white with some wood furniture, I am hoping to keep that black/white theme and add in a sage accent. I'll take pictures of the finished result when I'm done. I tell you what, though...cleaning and redoing my room has certainly made me feel like a new person!!

Dimitri the Stud

This left me laughing ALL NIGHT!!!

The story is… a girl was out with friends having drinks in Toronto. This guy approaches her and won't leave her alone - saying how cute she is. She finally gives in and hands the guy her business card to get rid of him.

The attached is an MP3 file of not one, but TWO voicemails this guy left. This goes down in the history books - especially the second voice mail. After hearing them you can clearly see why she didn’t call him back – instead she called in to the Z103.5 morning show & had them play this on the air.

Getting down to business

Last month before the new school year begins...time certainly does fly!!

This week I'm busy setting up all my research for the fall. I have been submitting quite a few IRBs (which is a little overwhelming when I think that soon I'll actually have to implement all of those studies), overseeing my advisor's honor student, recruiting an army of research assistants for the studies I am running this fall, continuing to run the newlywed study, and looking into applying for funding in the fall.

Some exciting news: I'm connecting with one of the new grad students from Taiwan and we're in the beginning stages of writing up a possible study to run in Taiwan. If that pans out, there's a possibility I could apply for NSF travel funding to go to Taiwan next summer to conduct research there. Also, I'm looking into attending a conference in Israel next summer. I'm debating whether to take out another student loan to do this, because if I do go, I plan on staying for at least a week to tour the Holy Land.

In yoga, I'm trying to negotiate classes for the fall. Right now, my UT classes are staying the same, but my Saturday morning YY class is changing to "Vinyasa" rather than "Hatha Flow," and my afternoon class at YY is switching from Flow to an Ashtanga class of some sort. Still a lot of red tape to get through, but things are quickly falling into place...

Madly in Love with You

I thought I posted these lyrics awhile ago...I guess not. I've been listening to Sean McConnell's song nonstop the last few days. It is supposed to be God's love song to us.

See you down there everyday
Trying to find a different way
To build some kind of ladder to the sky

Trying to find some way to see
Secrets of eternity, and they don’t come all at once
And you don’t know why

How do you think it feels to hear you screaming out my name
While all the while I’m trying to open up your heart
See you when you cry yourself to sleep
It’s tearing me apart

I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you will understand,
don’t you lose your faith in me

I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you

I know that you’re waiting for,
A chance to come in from the war
If only a moment, if only a day

A place where you feel safe and warm
A sanctuary from the storm
Until all of these questions fade away

But I cannot count on all the signs
You’ve passed away as mere coincidence
And I'm running out of ways to break through
Like a lonely lover, waiting by the ocean
Ill never give up on you

My Michael Jackson phase

It is blazing hot in Texas - I think it's been a month of over 100 degree weather. Thank goodness for sun dresses!!

I opened up my flashdrive today to discover that while I was at home, my dad had downloaded and saved onto the flashdrive two youtube videos: one of Michael Jackson's debut of Billie Jean at Motown, and his 10 minute long Thriller video. Did I mention I'm going through a Michael Jackson music phase? I love my dad!

Learn and let go

Got little sleep last night since the dog (who slept in my bed) decided it was "playtime" at around 1 am and was bouncing around and licking my face all night. Still, she is so adorable I HAD to forgive her!

Many of my girlfriends recently had their hearts broken by men. I spent Saturday evening and most of Sunday with one of them, just listening to her story and helping her to work through the pain. One thing I have been realizing is that as women, it is easy for our emotions and hurts to color our perspectives. It is easy to see ourselves as victims and build up protective walls through warping reality until we find meaning and closure in what happened. It is easy to lie to ourselves to make sense of reality and to concoct reasons for the rejection outside of what oftentimes is the truth: you just were not the right person for him (which consequently usually means the reverse is true). But all that does is to leave us bitter, insecure, and angry at half of the population on the planet. Though it is good to learn from experiences, it is not necessary to dwell in them. Though it is good to learn to protect ourselves, it is not good to hold grudges against those who have hurt us.

Yesterday's sermon was on forgiveness, and the pastor shared a wonderful story from the Chronicles of Narnia that illustrated our need for Christ to sanctify us. Here is the transcript from that portion of the sermon:

Eustace is a little snotty kid, he’s mean and bratty and nobody likes him and one day he discovers a cave full of treasures… a Dragon’s treasure. He realizes he’ll be rich and could get back at everyone that’s ill treated him… he’s very excited, but he’s tired and falls asleep. And we all know that if you fall asleep on the dragon’s treasures with dragoness thoughts then when you wake up what happens? You turn into a dragon… He awoke and discovered he was in agony, he couldn’t talk, his friends thought he was a monster. And then Eustace encounters the Lion or Aslan and Aslan is the incarnation of Jesus… he’s the Jesus figure in Chronicles of Narnia.

“Well, anyway, I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: a huge lion coming slowly towards me… So it came nearer and nearer… Well, it came close up to me and looked straight into my eyes. And I shut my eyes tight. But that wasn’t any good because it told me to follow it.” . . .

“. . . And I knew I’d have to do what it told me, so I got up and followed it. And it led me a long way into the mountains. . . . So at last we came to the top of a mountain I’d never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden—trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well.

“. . .The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe, it would ease my pain. But the lion told me I must undress first. . . .

“I was just going to say that I couldn’t undress because I hadn’t any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that’s what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully. . . . In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.

“But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that’s all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I’ll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.

“Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good.

“Then the lion said . . . ‘You will have to let me undress you.’ I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. . . .

“Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off—just as I thought I’d done it myself the other three times, only they hadn’t hurt—and there it was, lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me—I didn’t like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I’d no skin on—and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone. And then I saw why. I’d turned into a boy again.”

[C. S. Lewis, “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” The Chronicles of Narnia (London: HarperCollins, 2001), 473–75]

Harried end to a vacation

I finally got back to Austin last night, made it to my front door, and realized that somehow my apartment keys had fallen off my keychain!! It was a bit bizarre considering my keys never left my bag while I was gone, but they were nowhere to be found. I called 3 locksmiths - none of them were available. Finally I gave up and crashed at my friend's place for the night. Woke up early to teach yoga all day (welcome back to Austin!!), and during my hour break got a copy of the keys from the leasing office and went a little overboard in making copies of the keys. I finally unloaded my luggage around 4pm. Did I mention my roommate had left for vacation and left the dog in my care (read: the dog was inside the whole time)? It was a bit of a hectic day. I just got back from grocery shopping and am sitting down to my first meal of the day: a frozen dinner entree (Kashi's Sweet & Sour Chicken, yum!!).

Through it all, I realize it could have been worse. I could have lost my car keys as well. I could have broken my phone (it had fallen into water on te trip). I could have not had my yoga gear with me (making it difficult to teach yoga all day). The leasing office could have been closed on Saturday. All in all, it wasn't so bad of an experience, though if you asked me at midnight last night, I would have told you a different story.

It was good to practice yoga with people again. Good to see all my students again and to find that I was missed. I've been feeling antsy about my life again, wondering if I'm wasting time and energy on things that don't matter. Yet, after an incredibly energetic and downright sweaty class this morning, I had this incredible thought as I watched my students rest in savasana: regardless of whether my teaching yoga plays any sort of role in my future or serves any purpose, I am SO BLESSED to have this experience. I keep weighing all my experiences and activities, but the truth of the matter is, I need to stop evaluating and start valuing what is currently in my life!

Jeremiah 17:7-8

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit.

The last few weeks

...have been full. It started off with David Swenson's 40 hour Ashtanga training. It was a tiring and incredibly long week, but both David and his wife Shelley are amazing sources of inspiration, both as Ashtangis and as a couple. I'm VERY glad I did the training.

Sunday afternoon before I left for the Midwest, I hopped on a barge with some folks from the Stone and spent the evening on Lake Travis. It was a ton of fun. The Lake Travis area is so beautiful!!
I headed to Kelleys Island on Lake Erie the following day for a getaway with the Kiss My crew. This year we rented a condo and explored the island. It was nice to have a week away from the Internet, sleeping in, and eating really good food. The last night, the boys on the trip and I spent the evening in Toledo where we watched the Mud Hens (Toledo's minor league team) play the Cleveland Clippers.
Afterward, we watched fireworks right on the field.
I've been back at my parent's resting and recuperating for a week now. Finally flying back to Austin and the heat tomorrow!!!!

101 in 1001

Giving this thing another try....

Discouraged

Feeling pretty discouraged today... I dunno why.

Ever feel like you're kinda just going through the motions? Because that's how I've felt for the last week...

Quote

Just wanted to share a little quote from my favorite book. This quote is very meaningful to me, as it speaks of a lesson I had to learn recently:

"So be lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings." -Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

Blessings

I've been back in Austin for about 4 days and feel like I'm almost all caught up. I've got a few meetings at school this afternoon, some preparation to do for those meetings beforehand, but I'm grateful to have gotten almost 12 hours of sleep last night. 

It's been an eventful few days. I got my old Chevy all fixed up at the car shop (finally), my inspections/registration up to date... just to sell that car yesterday and buy a new car. With the economy as bad as it is, and because I felt like my Chevy was going to fall apart any minute (and it had no air conditioning to begin with), I bit the bullet and bought myself a 2008 Kia Spectra.

This is hands-down the nicest car I've ever owned. It's got automatic everything, it drives smoothly, is fuel economical, has air-conditioning, and is just pretty to look at right down to the exterior color. And the car payments are definitely manageable for me as long as I am more careful about where I spend my money. The best part is that the warrenty extends through when I am expecting to graduate. So till then, unless I really pull a stupid, I don't have to worry about spending money to fix up the car. And that's a relief after how much money I spent fixing up the beaten-up Chevy I owned.

I woke up this morning and realized just how richly blessed I am in terms of comfort of living. I live in a really nice apartment (and the rent did not go up this year so we're staying in it another year), I have a nice car, I am not in need in terms of food or clothing; in fact, other than the money to travel, there is not a single thing I really need or want that I don't have. I am getting paid to have an education, and I am getting paid to do a hobby that I love: yoga.

What more can I ask for? Seriously?

Memorial Day

My tummy is full from noshing on juicy, seedless watermelon. =)

Yesterday's barbeque was a lot of fun. I forgot how much I enjoy playing volleyball - even sand volleyball. Thanks to yoga, I woke up this morning without feeling too sore. I do, however, need to schedule a massage when I get back to Austin.

Made my way to Ashtanga Michigan this morning despite the insane amount of construction on the freeways. It was a good practice. I was a little tight, and I had left my black mat in Chicago, but I made do with a loaner mat and practice all of first and worked on second through bakasana B. Decided to forgo eka pada sirsasana, and skipped grabbing the ankles in drop-backs since I was still so tight from taking a few days off and all the traveling. I ran into Novi's Memorial Day parade on my way back, so I parked myself at Panera's on Novi Road for awhile and ate brunch and had some quiet time.

While at Panera's, I saw a father outside in the parking lot with his two sons. The older son was around 9ish, with big Asian glasses, while the younger was a sweet, carefree little 4 year old. They were playing by the trunk of the car. The father had forgotten something in the car, so he told his older son to watch the younger one as he went back to retrieve whatever it was he needed to retrieve. The older son took this responsibility seriously. He protectively wrapped his arms around his brother and stood erect, eyes darting fiercely around watching for incoming cars. The younger brother, unaware, continued to play with his pockets and sing nursery rhymes.

Strangely, that struck me as a picture of marriage. Maybe it's because I am a single woman with a string of failed relationships, most of them involving men who didn't look out for me or cherish me as Christ does, but I could not help but think that while on this earth, it would be nice to have a man who had a fierce sense of responsibility to protect me and to love me, and to want for me what my Heavenly Father wants for me. Not, that I can't take care of myself, but it's nice to think that until I am reunited with my Father in Heaven, he sends down someone physically tangible to watch out for me. And I, him.

I'm contemplating spending the rest of my afternoon outside somewhere since it's supposed to be raining the rest of the week. Maybe I'll walk to Blockbuster's to rent some more movies. It's only a little over a mile away, but I'll probably be the only one walking outside since I'm in the middle of the suburbs. ;)

Vacation count so far -
Movies watched: 2
Forbidden Kingdom
Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Book read: 1
A Thousand Splendid Suns

A weekend of reunions...

I remember when I was in college, going home was so boring. There seemed to be nothing to do and nowhere to go... The time home would end up melting into a week of watching TV until my brain was numb.

Maybe I only go home now at "peak" vacation times, but last few visits home were busy and full. I got home tomorrow afternoon, collapsed in a heap on my parent's couch (my parents are gone for another 2 days). Finished reading A Thousand Splendid Suns (excellent book!!), wiped the tears from my eyes, and headed out to meet up with old youth group friends. Novi is developing quite the night life - I was pleasantly surprised.

This morning, there was church, then I had lunch with Che - it was nice catching up and hearing about what everyone's been up to. Now I am contemplating doing a few rounds of sun salutations to burn off some of the food I've eaten in the last few days before heading out to a reunion barbeque.

This is going to be a good week. The reunions will probably end tomorrow, and my parents left me some cash as well as their library card so I can catch up on movies and pleasure reading until they come back home.