Friday, February 24, 2006

Changes

Not sure how I feel about the new layout, but I needed the change.

This was a bit of a crazy week for me. I realized that I experienced a lot of changes these past 2 months... and there are many more changes to come!

Starting 2006...
  • I'm single again
  • I have bangs
  • I have a tattoo
  • I moved into my own apartment
  • I went on my first business trip

I was looking at my 101 in 1001 and wished there were other things I put on there. For example, I should have included getting a tattoo, going scuba-diving...

101 update

#2&3: Keep the list updated and Blog about each item. Although I'm not finished with this list, I suppose keeping things updated for 2 months allows me to assume that I'm going to accomplish these two items.

#87: Live on my own. I just moved into a nice 1-bedroom apartment today. I'm super excited about living on my own. My parents are bringing some furniture tomorrow. For now, I'm all set in my apartment except I have no living room furniture. Eventually, I'm going to set it up with a loveseat and 2 wicker chairs. If anyone wants to donate any of those items, let me know! Until then, if anyone has a tent I can borrow to set up in my living room for fun, let me know. After spring break I'll look into getting a cat. =)

#94: Finish a crossword puzzle without any help. I kinda cheated on this one. Newsday crossword puzzles are incredibly easy. But hey, I finished it without help.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

A week of food

I feel like I went to bed Sunday and woke up to a Thursday. Where did this week go?

101 update:
Task #49: Cook a new recipe a week for 6 weeks
Week 1: Beef with Pea pods
Week 2: Shrimp with Soy beans
Week 3: Veggie Alfredo pasta
Week 4: Red Bean Soup
Week 5: Teriyaki Pork (with homemade teriyaki sauce)
Week 6: Orange-glazed pork chops
Week 7: Spicy BBQ Ribs (I threw in the 7th week just for kicks since the red bean soup was kind of a cop-out)

All of them turned out well except the orange-glazed pork chops. I'll have to try that again. The Spicy BBQ sauce was also homemade (oil, water, vinegar, garlic powder, onion powder, pepper, ground red pepper) - and I'm not sure I'm a big fan. I like ribs, but I don't think I'll make it at home again. They're so heavy!

Task #81: Eat only homecooked meals for 1 week
It wasn't that hard - I don't go out to eat very much anymore.

Lots of thoughts, but I'm too tired to blog more right now.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Being Frugal

I noticed this morning that my lifestyle choices have greatly changed since I started working. Although I still like pretty things and have a tendency to be materialistic, materialism no longer takes up my time or money. Here are just some of things that have changed:

  • Instead of $45 haircuts at Salon XL, I now opt for $15 cuts at the Aveda Institute
  • Instead of $20-30 Bumble&Bumble hair products, I now buy $5.99 products from Garnier Fructese
  • Instead of $60 hair coloring, I dye my own hair and do my own highlights for $10
  • Instead of $2.50 floss, I buy $0.99 floss
  • Instead of $70 dress pants, I wear $19 clearance dress pants (which I was very glad to hear from my co-workers that they still look like they were tailored especially for me!)
  • Instead of $70 cashmere scarves, I'm knitting my own scarves (which costs about $3.99-$15 in material!)
  • I only buy my shampoo and body wash on clearance
  • Heck, I even buy makeup on clearance - my lipstick (that I love) was on sale for $0.99
  • I buy store-brand cereal if nothing else is on sale
  • I eat out much less (and when I do, I always box leftovers for at least 1-2 more meals)
  • I work hard at my job and treat my business trips as vacations =)
  • I realized this morning that most of my clothes are 2-4 years old or were bought recently on sale (note: most, not all)
  • I check gasbuddy.com to get the cheapest gas...and I fill up on Wednesday evenings because gas prices rise on weekends
  • I now read the news online rather than subscribing to Time Magazine or a newspaper
  • Two sites I frequent prior to making big purchases: overstock.com and shopping.com
  • I actually use the $$ advice from my favorite magazine, such as this or this.
  • Three words: cash back bonuses.
  • I go to the library instead of the bookstore.

There are some things I still occasionally splurge on. Such as cooking supplies and spices (my spice racks are shaping up quite nicely! =)) I used to be a big spender. I guess these decisions developed over the last year. Call me cheap, call me thrifty, but I'm happy. =) Ah, the joys of frugality.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Sleep-Deprived

I woke up this morning and felt like I was run over by a truck. I think I took on too much this semester and I'm tired. To top things off, I found out last Friday that I have scoliosis. It should be correctable with physical therapy, but until then I have to radically change my posture and carry less in my bags. I woke up to back pain this morning. I don't know if it's really getting worse by the day or if I'm just more aware of it now.

February is a tough month to get through because it's right smack in the middle of Michigan winter. My mantra now is "3 more weeks till Florida." I've decided to take no work with me and treat my off days like a true vacation. I'll even allot a whole day to sleeping.

Some thoughts I've had about worship and vocation. I read in T. Trevethan's book The Beauty of God's Holiness that worship is about the object of worship (God). It's not about us or how we're best served or what we're used to. In fact, the reason the Israelites tended to corrupt worship was because they started practices that made more sense to them (modeled after pagan practices in their culture) rather than worshiping the way God had mandated them to. As I'm planning the worship seminar for my church, I've been thinking a lot about the style of worship. We often worship (musically) a certain way because it "reaches us more" or because we're "more comfortable with it." But those are not Biblical reasons to choose how to worship. In fact, the concept of choice in how to worship is not Biblical. So where does that leave us?

Similarly, we have this concept about vocation that we're called to do what God has best gifted us to do. We're also called to do what we're passionate about doing. But in the Bible, God often called people that didn't seem to fit their calling. Moses was not an orator. Gideon was not a warrior. Neither initially had the desire and passion or the giftings to do what they were clearly called to do. So where does that leave us in our search for our vocations?

The whole notion of worship and vocations fitting us - is that a new and incorrect concept? If so, how do we decide how to worship as a church? How do we decide what career to go into? I'm so confused. Maybe because I'm tired.

101 update
Task #99: Make chocolate-covered strawberries…and eat them. Saturday we had a spontaneous girl's night and we tried out my new dessert fondue. It didn't work terribly well, but it did work. We melted Ghiradelli milk chocolate and cut up bananas and strawberries to dip. It was delicious! =)

Monday, January 30, 2006

Back in Michigan

*edit* Woo-hoo~ my week-long, all-expense-paid business trip to Palm Beach, FL just got approved by the department!! =D *end edit*

What I didn't realize until right before landing in Palm Springs is that it is quite literally an oasis in the middle of a desert. Palm Springs is beautiful; I woke up to a view of tall, thin palm trees against the backdrop of purple mountains. The architecture in Palm Springs is refreshing. Being a desert resort, the buildings were built akin to those in small Mexican villages with colors such as bright blue, yellow, and terracotta constrasting against the green palm trees and cacti. The conference was both intense and stimulating. We were completely immersed in social psych research from 8 AM to 7 PM everyday. Besides short 15 minute coffee breaks and a lunch hour, we were going from lectures to lectures with poster sessions in between. Good connections were made during the trip, while new ideas were dreamed up. I feel a combination of excitement and fear about my future career.

Highlights of the trip:
  • Tanning by the pool during lunch breaks
  • Walking around at night...without a jacket or coat
  • Meeting people that I've cited in my papers or want to work with in grad school
  • West coast seafood
  • Going out drinking with former colleagues (now professors) and former GSIs
  • Yummy fruit smoothies
  • Shopping for souvenirs and doing other touristy things
  • Finding strawberry gummies at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport!!!
  • Star-gazing from the plane at 32,000 feet altitude

and just to update on my 101 in 1001....

#6 & 7: Go to the doctor's/go to the dentist: I caught up on these last weekend. I finally asked my doctor to look at my back (I have chronic back pain) and am starting physical therapy this week.

#4: Drink no caffeine for 1 month: I started over Christmas break because I knew my family in New York don't buy pop or really anything with caffeine (except tea, which I'm not partial to). For those who thought I couldn't go without caffeine for a month, boo-yah! ;)

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

California...

here I come!

In less than 2 days I will be in Palm Springs, CA for the SPSP Annual Conference!





It is currently 76 degrees there right now. =D

Monday, January 16, 2006

Weekend recall

What a weekend. =)

Friday:

  • Finding out that Jeff and Lisa had their baby Emma
  • IVCF/CCF joint large group meeting (amazing worship!)
  • Wiping out on the "shortcut of death" between my apartment and Ian's house
  • Knitting while watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Saturday:

  • Breakfast with Shelley
  • Amazing worship practice (using a piano with missing keys)
  • Task #57: Go to the Zoo. I haven't been to the zoo forever so I emailed the ladies of InterVarsity and 12 of us drove to the Toledo Zoo this past Saturday. (pics to come later). It was a cold, but greeeeat time! We saw a black light puppet show, danced to the catchy tune "I love the Zoo" in a connection tunnel thingy, watched the polar bear feeding, saw really pretty (and ugly) birds and fish, lions, tigers, and bears (oh my!), penguins, and of course, the smelly monkeys.
  • Tattoo parlor (that's right, I finally got one!)
  • Knitting while watching Strictly Ballroom

Sunday:

  • Trying to leave for church in a frenzy. I woke up late, my phone was dead, I was trying to herd the worship materials + cell phone charger + 2 guitars out the door all at once. I ended up forgetting a guitar somehow and Kristen had to walk it to church for me. =/
  • The funnest time I had leading worship in a looooong time!
  • Hearing about a TON of engagements - at least it seems like a ton (Amy + Josh, Kathy + Dan)
  • Retreat of silence
  • Dinner with the roomies

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

101 update

Work has actually been getting much busier, leaving me with less and less time to blog and kill time on the Internet. I'm pretty happy right now. It doesn't hurt that Heather burned me the last two year's worth of Hope College CD's.

Not that many updates, but here goes:
Task #35: Make my bed everyday for a week. For those of you who don't know, our apartment did some roommate switches and I now have a new roommate. The nice thing is that Kristen is student teaching, has to be at school at 7 AM, and thus gets up at the same time around me each morning (6 AM). This is very convenient as we now have 2 alarms going off at the same time making it almost impossible to sleep through/snooze through the alarm clock and that I actually get to get ready in my room with the lights on! Having the light on makes it easier for me to pick up after myself and make the bed. I am proud of say, I made a point of making my bed everyday this week. =)

Task #62: Go for a night out and dance. I went out with my work friends to Live at PJ's (awesome awesome club!!) to grab a drink and dance on Thursday night. It was fun, but I wasn't really in the mood to dance. Saturday night, Bert was in town and so after Charlie's, him, Brian, and Tim dragged me to go dancing at the Necto. It was definitely an experience, but fun. =)

Task #83: Call Maintenance to fix all the broken things in my apartment; Task # 84: Reorganize my music binder; Task #85: Reorganize the church's music binder.
Finally got down to business to get these things done. Of course, calling maintenance doesn't mean that maintenance is prompt in responding. After reorganizing some binders, I think I'm going to spend a few evenings in the church house this week organizing worship stuff. I'm sure I'll be glad to get it out of the way when things pick up more with IV for the semester.

I'm starting to get pretty disorganized. I proposed a trip to the Toledo Zoo for the women in IV not realizing that the date I proposed was this Saturday! Oh well, I cleared my schedule and we are now going. Call it unintentional spontenaity.

On another note, I finished the whole first series of Meteor Garden (a Chinese Drama series) in a week. Sad, I know, but sooooo good. =)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

So it begins...

The New Year. My favorite time of the year. My mom tells me that making plans is my form of therapy. New Years Resolution is the perfect outlet for that. My break was pretty good. Rob and I broke it off so my plans had to change last minute which kinda sucked. After Christmas in New York with the Kwang family, I ended up going to Toronto for New Year's. Highlights in between included having a reunion with housemates from the 516 Fourth days. I also listened to a lot of Kelly Clarkson, which I have to say, is such a great break-up album. =)

This year's resolutions? Too many to list. I'm embarking on a project I've seen on other blogs called 101 in 1001. In 1001 days, I will accomplish the 101 tasks listed on the sidebar of my blog.

101 Update:
Task #91: Buy an Mp3 Player of some sort (iPod/iPod shuffle preferably). So one of my aunts bought me a nice Coach bag for Christmas (!!!). Unfortunately, the look was a bit outdated so I took it back into the store and exchanged it for a smaller and thus slightly less expensive black hobo bag. Using the leftover money, I invested in an iPod nano. It's great!

It was hard to wake up this morning and go to work. I was up late dyeing my hair. It was supposed to be dark ash brown but turned out black on me. I don't mind - I quite like the dark look for winter. I was also watching my new obsession: Chinese soaps. Although I can understand most of it, I realize there are drawbacks to being illiterate in Chinese. At one point, the camera focused on something written on the chalkboard then cut to the character's look of horror at what was written. That was the cliffhanger on which the episode ended. I couldn't read what was written and thus have no idea what was wrong. I lost sleep over that last night.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Winter Blues

I've had an ongoing cold for the past few weeks that I can't seem to shake off.

Anyway, as part of my post-Psych GRE crisis, I plan to start at least 4 different hobbies: knitting, yoga, music (spending more time on it), and cooking. The cooking is going well. I'm trying one new recipe a week. First week I make pork with Rosemary. Second week I tried this beef stirfry with sugarpeas. This week, I may put this cooking on hold as I'm probably not going to be eating at home very much. The knitting is finally on its way too. As of last Sunday my living room was an explosion of yarn. This week (after three attempts and 8 hours of Law and Order SVU), I actually have two rows knitted. I plan on spending much more time on music in January and I'll start taking yoga classes then too.

Christmas present exchanging have started. Rob bought me nice leather gloves. My boss bought me a cashmere sweater. I've never cared about gifts but this year there are two things I particularly want this year (but know I won't get): 1) MP3 player (I actually really want an iPod - I sold out!!), and 2) a nice digital camera so I could start a 5th hobby: photography (but these are upwards of $1000 so I've not holding my breath!) All my Christmas shopping is bought and wrapped. I can't believe one week from now my trip to New York will be halfway over!! Crazy.

I looked at some apartments this week. I visited the Medical Center Court Apartments and also the Pheasant Run Apartments. I didn't get to tour the Medical Center Court Apartments since the office was closed but if I could get a good deal there it's close to where I work. Pheasant Run is more ideal (prices are much cheaper than the Internet says). They're REALLY nice, much less expensive, but they are also a little farther from campus than I like. I guess I'll resume looking in January.

That's it for now. I think I'm going to try the 1001 Day Project. I should come up with my list of things to do....

Friday, December 09, 2005

Singing in the Rain meets Hip-Hop meets Techno

Check this out if you have Quicktime. It made me laugh. =)

*edit*
A quick rant about landlords: so my landlord keeps making clerical mistakes and forgetting that my old security deposit transferred over to my new apartment and the leftover money covered Oct. rent. As a result, I get a phone call at the beginning of every month telling me that I owe money from October. Yesterday, I get an eviction notice in the mail (?!?!). I quickly call and find out that the same issue just was never clearly documented in our ledger. The guy promised he'd make the change but was really short with me on the phone. He told me that my balance was cleared up, that I could disregard the eviction notice, but one of my housemates forgot to pay this month's rent and will be charged a late fee. I asked him to fax me the ledger for my own protection that this would never happen again. 1/2 hour later, I receive the ledger in the fax with a note that said "we made another mistake: your housemate has paid the rent in full. all late fees are waived." grrrr!!!

Currently listening to: The Best of Ella Fitzgerald. Most of the songs on there are duets with Louis Armstrong. I REALLY like this CD.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Thoughts on a Tuesday

"The concept of substitution may be said, then, to lie at the heart of both sin and salvation. For the essence of sin is man substituting himself for God, while the essence of salvation is God substituting himself for man. Man asserts himself against God and puts himself where only God deserves to be; God sacrifices himself for man and puts himself where only man deserves to be. Man claims prerogatives which belong to God alone; God accepts penalties which belong to man alone." ~John Stott

As I had stated in an earlier post, I've been reading through John Stott's "The Cross of Christ." I have to say out of all the books I've read over the last 2 years (and I do read quite a bit), it's been the most thought-provoking and life-changing book thus far.

My post last month was about the seemingly dichotomous concept of God's holiness and his mercy being expressed simultaneously in the ultimate act of sacrifice on the cross and how this ties into Christ's identity as our bridegroom. This post I'm going to write on thoughts of the identity of God.

If we look closely at what compelled Christ to die on the cross, it is simply man's sin. Sin is serious, separating us eternally from our Holy God. I always wondered why God doesn't simply choose to forgive our sins without substitution. After all, isn't God able to do anything? Doesn't God call us to forgive? I always explained it in my mind that if God had chosen to simply forgive us, we wouldn't understand the gravity of what we have done and we wouldn't be able to fully love Him for who He is. It's not that He can't, but that he chooses not to. However, Stott addresses this issue and points out that although God is not bound by external rules, He must stay consistent with who He is. He is unable to act out of character because He is our consistant and eternal God. If He were to act inconsistently with his character, He would cease to be who He is. John Stott put it well when he said that "we have to deny or disown everything within us which is false to our true humanity. But there is nothing in God which is incompatible with his true deity, and therefore nothing to deny. It is in order to be our true selves that we have to deny ourselves; it is because God is never other than his true self that he cannot and will not deny himself." (p. 128). God chose the cross because His holiness would not allow sin to go unpunished, but His love would not see us bear the weight of the punishment.

This being said, I think of the verse from "Before the Throne of God Above": "And on that cross where Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied." On the cross, it was the wrath of God that was satisfied. When I was a little girl, I used to put a hierarchy on the power of Biblical characters. God was at the top; after all, our God was the creator of the Universe. However, Satan came in as a close second. I thought that Satan was the reason for the cross, that the havoc he wreaked on earth caused God much pain and suffering, and he set events in motion to defeat Jesus through the pain of the cross. Now I understand that although Satan facilitated the first sinful act, it was man himself that allowed sin to enter into the world. The cross wasn't a victory against Satan. It wasn't a scheme that Satan put into place to defeat God. It wasn't to satisfy Satan. The cross satisfied God's wrath. The story isn't a conflict between Satan and God; it is a conflict between man and God. Again, it was rebellion against God that incurred God's wrath and it was His love that led to the cross. This is so freeing because it takes Satan out of the equation, it demotes him in terms of power, and it turns my face and attention toward God and God alone. (This is not to deny that Satan is active on this earth and that spiritual warfare is real and serious, but this is to recognize the soverignty and power of God).

I guess what I'm left chewing on right now is the concept of the trinity. What does it mean to be three in one? Jesus is God's only son who chose to die on the cross for us. It's easy to look at it and feel that God found an easy way out by sacrifice a separate person, "Jesus," although precious to Him, to be our lamb. But the Bible repeatedly claims that God himself chose to die for us. That it is God - in Jesus - who took our punishment. How can they be separate yet one? There is so much more to learn and understand. Until then, I can only trust that it is.

Either way, man's biggest stumbling block is the need to admit that we are not able to pay for our own sins, that salvation is a free gift that we do not deserve. To accept this truth requires humility and a recognition that God alone, and not ourselves, has the right to be Lord.

On a separate train of thought...

As I'm studying for the Psych GRE, I've been thinking about the concept of congruency by Carl Jung. Jung was the father of analytic psychology (which branched from psychodynamic theories - Freud), and focused on the self and self-concept. According to Jung, everyone has a concept of who he or she is. This self-concept varies in how congruent it is with who the person really is. The more congruent self-concept is with the real self, the more mentally healthy the person is. The more incongruent, the more events and circumstances question the person's self-concept, and the more psychological disturbances he or she experiences. But then, in studies of people with depression, those with depression often have a realistic sense of self-efficacy and who he/she is while those healthy have an elevated sense of self-efficacy and identity.

On one hand, therapy focuses on helping clients see themselves for who they are and be able to grow and learn from reality (increasing realistic self-concept and thus, congruency). On the other hand, therapists recognize that it is good to have an elevated sense of self-efficacy to prevent depression.

I read this and think, how many problems in this world could be solved if only we could all turn to the cross.
  1. We wouldn't have incongruence between our self-concept and our real self because we would gain our source of identity from our creator who knows us better than ourselves, who knows who He created us to be, and who loves us unconditionally.
  2. We could see ourselves realistically and not have to fall into depression because we are able to admit that no, we are not perfect, yes, we have so many faults and failures, but that it's okay because we are human and God is everything when we are nothing.
  3. Also, knowing that most people have an elevated sense of self-efficacy helps me to realize that I'm not worse off than everyone around me even though it may feel that way sometimes. We are all human and we are all inadequate, but it is through the grace of God that we are deserving of the inheritance He has promised us. Thus, we must be able to show the same grace and mercy to each other that we ourselves have been shown.

Realizing this really motivates me to work toward a PhD in Clinical Psych as well as a MTS (Masters of Theological Studies) and be able to use the principles of the cross to influence both my practice as a clinicians and my theories as a researcher!

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

A Slice of Humble Pie

I had a good Thanksgiving. The food turned out well, the company was great. =) The weekend was oh-too-short but still restful. I also finished *almost* all of my Christmas shopping and bought myself a nice black blazer for $9 marked down from $80.

This weekend was just a good time to reflect on character and grace toward one another. I do have a tendency to be hard on people and to see only their faults. Yet two things have humbled me recently. First is my studying for the Psych GRE. The difficult thing about studying Psychology and people's personalities and/or dysfunctions is that oftentimes you end up studying yourself. I realized one day that I was reading about myself and that the picture was not attractive. I realized that trait that I value in others and myself can be both positive and negative, and lately I've been using those traits negatively. Second is my boyfriend. One thing I've learned is that relationships bring out the best and worst in people and act as one of the most accurate reflectors of who we are. I realized recently that the areas I thought I've matured in still need a lot of work. I've newly discovered a lot of selfishness and self-centeredness in my thinking and my desires. Truth is freeing, but is also accompanied by shame (which precedes repentence) and conviction. I realize that I cannot judge and I cannot criticize outside of mutual and loving disciple/accountability with the body Christ. I should not vent about others because venting is gossip disguised as false concern which only serves to fuel negative feelings toward others around me. I cannot deny others the grace that I myself ask of them.

All these realizations left me feelings pretty crappy about myself until I read Psalm 3. Because we know that David was "a man after God's own heart," we fail to truly appreciate David's faith and confidence. Although David had prophets to point him in the right direction from time to time, his interactions with God probably looked much like ours do today. I wonder if he ever questioned his calling to be king, especially when some hated him and wanted to kill him. Despite that, he was able to cling to incredible hope and faith and say "You are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glorly on me and lift up my head." The Lord is the lifter of our heads. I may feel crappy and realize the extent of my faults. Still, the Lord is the lifter of my head. The Lord has seen and continues to see all our shortcomings, andHe is strong when we are weak. I can go forward confidently knowing that I am called by God and that He is my shield, my strength, and my keeper. I will not cheapen the cross by denying the freedom He has bought me. I will not trivialize his majesty and holiness by failing to recognize the soveriengty of His plans and the steadfastness of His character. What a tremendous peace we can gain from knowing our God!

On a lighter note, I cooked this for my man yesterday:

In return, he bought me a bouquet of beautiful and aromatic lillies. I don't have a digital camera, but I found a picture of lillies that look just like the ones sitting on my bookcase. =)

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Tis the season...

...to be sick. After much denial, (AND after surviving a weekend of low-energy, moodiness, and clammy hands), I have to admit that I may be sick. I figure, I'll stick it out one more day at work and rest majorly at the parentals this weekend.

I'm pretty excited about Thanksgiving. The Kwang family is having a real feast this year (never been done!) along with the Chiangs. I'm trying out new recipes and making Apricot/Cranberry Chutney for the meal and a Pumpkin Roll for dessert.

I have to gush about my coworkers. They saw that I was in a bad/sad/sick mood today and dragged me out to the mall for our lunch break so I could walk around and look at the sales. Although I ended up not buying anything, it was just a good break from the usual monotony and it was fun to window shop. Unfortunately, I really wasn't supposed to take a lunch break today, but I realized that none of my superiors at work were in today. My coworkers are such wonderful people - one of them is even bringing some spices into work for me for my Thanksgiving recipes so I don't have to buy the ridiculously expensive McCormick Spices. I definitely need to make a point of spending more time with them. After the Psych GRE, maybe...

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Little update on my life...

I was going to post on all my thoughts of late yet I feel like life has moved too fast this past week for me to think...I will make it a priority this week to just spend some time alone and process.

I felt like I was getting to the point where I have so many scattered responsibilities that the results were becoming just that: scattered. Details are beginning to slip my mind and to the point where I'd remember to do something and forget to follow through a mere 5 minutes later. Part of it I realize is the lack of reliance on God (isn't it so easy how we fall into that?!?) in the midst of my busyness.

These past 2 weeks were weeks of conflict yet through it all I've grown closer to those around me and learned more about who I am and where I need to mature and grow. So with all the heartache and friction, it was a good two weeks overall.

I'm growing closer to my co-workers which has been a huge blessing. Besides, it adds to the working experience. Today they abducted me to their office so we could hang out.

It'll be a busy yet fun week this week. I'm looking forward to the Harry Potter Movie Marathon as well as going to see Harry Potter Goblet of Fire opening night. Other highlights approaching are the Pops Concert on Sunday.

For now, I will leave you with this picture:



If you do not know why Rob has an apple on his head, this is who he was for Halloween:



It won him the costume contest. =D

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Cross of Christ

My mind is still racing with thoughts that came up from some major events over the last week and also the Scriptural studies we did during InterVarsity's Cross-Training retreat this past weekend. Being an external processor, I'm attempting to piece together some of my thoughts on this blog. I apologize in advance for the incoherency.

Since my trip to The International House of Prayer last December, Christ has been continually revealing His identity to me as my bridegroom and the lover of my soul. This is the Man whose heart is ravished by my one glance (Song of Songs 4:9). This is the Man who's numbered the hairs on my head (Matt 10:30) and who collects my every thought and bottles up my every tear. This is the Man who has designed His creation and purpose to lead to the glorious day in Heaven when He will be united with His bride, the spotless and blameless church (Rev 21).

This journey to discover Him as a Bridegroom has now brought me face to face with the harsh reality of the Cross. I always thought I had to balance the loving nature of God with the just nature. That the merciful and angry God were two different facets of the same God. That Christ, the romancer, and Christ, our substitute, were also two distinct identities of our Messiah. But I can't separate those identities anymore; they are one and the same. The cross is the ultimate act of love and sacrifice for us.

Jesus is the Man who is so perfect and holy that the least of my sins is enough to separate me from Him for eternity. Yet God loves us so much that he desired deeply to redeem us. He searched for the perfect spotless lamb whose blood could be spilled to pay the penalty for our sins....and He found only One who could do so: His beloved, only Son.

Reading the The Cross of Christ by John Stott is leading me to think more deeply about what the sacrifice of Christ entailed. Four points Stott brought up in Chapter 3 are such foundational truths that I've taken them for granted my whole life. Here I rehash the four points adding onto them my own thoughts and understanding of the points.

  1. Christ died for us. He did not need to die. He had no reason to die other than the fact that He did it for our sakes.
  2. Christ died to bring us to God. Our sins separate us from God, but through Christ's death this separation is no longer. Call it redemption or salvation (negative and positive ways of looking at it,) we are now able to encounter God through Christ our mediator.
  3. Christ died for our sins. This is something we say so often. But when we realize that our sins nailed Christ to the cross, it causes us to realize the gravity of the very sins we spend our days rationalizing away. Sin is serious. Although Christ chose to go to the cross, although physically it was Judas, Caiaphas, Pilate, and the soldiers who nailed Him to the cross (although upon closer investigation, for the trials to continue as unlawfully as it did, a repeat of what happened would be next to impossible), it was our sin that led to Christ's choosing to be beaten, to be mocked, to be humiliated, and to be nailed on the cross. (This leads to another train of thought on grace...I'll post on this topic another day).
  4. Christ died our death. This leads to my next train of thought:

In Philippians 2 we find the infamous Christ Hymn (this also leads to another train of thought on Lordship...I'll post on this topic another day). This weekend our studied highlighted the fact that our Christ, perfect God, humbled himself through becoming man, and not just man but servant, and not just servant but He died a criminal's death. I often asked myself why the cross? And what's so significant about the cross? Martyrs later on died equivalent physical deaths; in fact, Peter was hung upside down. Why did this particular death matter? In the past, I thought it a matter of humility. The cross was historically reserved for the worst of criminals; it was illegal to crucify a Roman citizen. Symbolically, the cross was the worst physical death known to man and so this was the death that was chosen. This death was completely undeserved by Jesus who was innocent of all wrong. I thought that this was why it was enough to redeem our sins. But His perfection was only part of the story. The punishment He bore is the other. Christ died our death. Yes, the physical pain was almost unbearable. But looking at the account of His death in scripture, it wasn't until the cry "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" that Jesus uttered words of pain. What is so significant about the cross is that on it, Jesus suffered complete and utter separation from God. From my understanding, no one alive in history has ever experienced this separation from God. THIS is the ultimate punishment for our sins, and not the physical death of the cross. Jesus experienced the pain of separation from God so that we did not have to. Through His death he offered us life. He's willing to look at us in the fullness all our sin (knowing full well that these very sins were the cause of His pain and sacrifice) and speak to God on our behalf claiming our sins as His own: bought and paid for. All this, so that He could spend eternity with us (leading to another thought on unity...).

What love is this! Who is this Man that would love me so? Praise be to Jesus, the glorious Lamb and Bridegroom. Amen.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Me and Emily dearest

The dear girl's costume was made 100% out of duct tape...including the shoes and jewelry.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Monday Stupor

I can't quite tell whether or not I'm sick today. Saturday I stayed in bed all day and drank chicken soup. Sunday I was bouncing around feeling great. Today my head is swimming and I have the chills. I'm keeping up with the work at work, though slightly more slowly than usual. It's Halloween and I'm being antisocial and hiding in my cubicle from fairies and goth punks randomly patrolling the halls.

Some of the ladies and I went to Wiard's Apple Orchard and Country Fair yesterday and had much fun. We went on the hayride, visited the petting zoo (did you know that goats have rectangular pupils????), and were chased around the haunted barn. It was much fun and a perfect way to spend an autumn afternoon. It was restful walking around and seeing families leisurely camped out at picnic tables munching on caramel apples, doughnuts and cider.

With my flight/hotel booked to Palm Springs, CA for the SPSP (Society of Personality and Social Psychology) conference in January (thanks Daddy!), I'm now concentrating on submitting my Psych research on coping to other conference. I just submitted a presentation to the MPA (Midwestern Psychological Association) conference in Chicago in May. Next step is to submit maybe even both of my research to the APA (American Psychological Association) conference in New Orleans in August, and the APS (American Psychological Society) conference in New York City in May. The poster I'm presenting at Palm Springs is about how romantic relationship contingency predicts symptoms of disordered eating, and how this relationship is mediated by feelings of body shame. The poster I'm submitting to the rest of the conferences is a paper I'm currently working on about how situational factors mediate the relationship between individual factors and coping styles. It's fascinating stuff in the area of Applied Social Psychology (which is the field I'm leaning toward for grad school).

Monday, October 24, 2005

Fragmented thoughts

The weather has been consistently cold for a week. It is dark when I wake up and dark when I sit down to eat dinner. I've replaced my wardrobe of tanktops and tees with sweaters and turtlenecks. All of a sudden it's not strange anymore for me to be drinking hot cocoa at work in the afternoons.

I got to hang out with old housemates Sarah and Amanda this weekend and really missed the bond that our whole house (christened "the pirate house") had with each other. We ran into Clint who we met on the Tennessee trip (Kiss My Grits) this summer and I missed our chalet in the Smoky Mountains.

New housemates are fun too, though. Saturday night I had bonding time with Kristen and she, Rob, and I made spinach quiche for our church potluck on Sunday. Later we picked up Sarah and one of Rob's friends and watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith at the dollar movie theater. I'm so glad Ann Arbor has a dollar theater once again.

Back at work now...and they installed a new computer at my desk. I don't know too much by way of computers but I can tell you that this new one looks ugly yet powerful. The keyboard is silver and shiny - very fancy. Gin Blossoms is playing as I'm mourning the fact I'm unable to download AIM or iTunes on my new computer.

The Psych GRE is in just over a month and I'm beginning to feel nervous. I drew up a preliminary list of schools I might look into and I'm at 15. I need to winnow it down to 10. A list of 10 is still long as applications costs anywhere from $60 to $100 so I suppose I better start saving up for it.

I'm actually going to cook when I go home today. I haven't cooked in a week. A beautiful bouquet of roses now sit on my dining room table. Sitting next to the roses is the pile of books I'm currently reading: Why Not Women, Real Sex, Wanting to be Her, The Cross of Christ, Deep Unto Deep. I'm also hoping to start my Tom Clancy book soon.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Reasons why I'm excited:

  • Despite all my complaining, my job rocks
  • I got my hair colored and cut (and I love it!) for next to no $$
  • I'm booking my flight/hotel to Palm Springs, CA for January
  • I filled my punch card for Bubble Island and get free bubble tea
  • Amanda is coming back to town on Saturday and we're having a mini foo reunion!!!! =D
  • Free performance of Beethovan's 9th at Hill on Monday!!
  • The women at IV rock and we're going to the Country Fair next Sunday for a ladies' afternoon out
  • Gap jeans are on sale for $20 and Express jeans are on sale for $30 (mall Saturday, what)
  • Rob let it slip yesterday that he has special plans in the works for our 1 month this weekend. =) I'm so spoiled.