It Feels like Home to Me....

I finally discovered the online journal of a dear friend today that tracks his long trip in Europe. As I read through his entries, I felt a keen sense of homesickness. This feeling was quite strange to me as a) I only knew this friend for a few years in college and b) I'd never stayed in Europe remotely long enough to call it my home.

Throughout my life, I've never been great at making long-term friendships; in fact, I've stayed in touch with only one person from my high school. (Two if you count Brian but he's a family friend as well). Hopefully, this tendency toward friendships of convenience has changed over the last 4 years.

I've never lived anywhere for more than 5 years except for Novi where I lived for 7 years before moving to Ann Arbor. When people ask me where my hometown is, Novi is my answer. Still, there is a sense of rootlessness I feel because I've never truly felt any geographic location was home. I can't see myself settling down anywhere long term in the future either. Home has always been symbolized by people. Home was where my family was. Home is where the people I love are.

Although this friend and I spent only a few years together in the same place, he represents a piece of who I was during that time. Those were a rough two years during which I had to lean heavily on those around me. I've matured and changed for the better since then, but there's a part of my identity and personality from those years that I miss. I've heard somewhere once that you feel at home with those you truly love. I think that's why I felt homesick.

Random Thoughts from the Weekend

• There is a fruit fly nest (or whatever they live/breed in) in my kitchen. Thoughts on how to get rid of their home?
  
• I haven't seen some of my roommates for more than 5 minutes at a time since last weekend.
• Tally Hall rocks. Everyone should see them in concert at least once.
• The new students coming to both InterVarsity and my church are overwhelmingly female.
• The nice thing about having a boyfriend who can cook is that I get fed yummy food. The bad thing is that I'll have to learn how to cook more than the 2 dishes I know already.
• Not eating enough fruit has negative consequences on the body.
  
• Acuvue advanced contact lenses are a lot thicker than the original Acuvue lenses.
• When I'm hungry, I prefer a juicy steak with barbecue chips over a dessert buffet.
• I bought a TNIV Bible. I really like the translation.
• I miss playing classical piano.
• The new season of Alias begins this week.
• Chanel Paris' Coco Mademoiselle smells really good. I think it's my new perfume.
  

Happy Thoughts

Things that made me smile today:

• Getting an email from Mrs. Lizzy Douglass
• Planning a weekend trip to Chicago to see my foos
• Movie night with my Deezy-weezy
• J-e-s-u-s
• The fact my stomach growled during the last 2 hours at work
• Late night chats over hot chai on a porch swing

Double Life

I feel like I live in two worlds. From 9-5, I work at an office with people I have been working with since May. Nothing is changing much at work.

After work, I go home to a bustling campus life. We're reaching out to new students, throwing events and activities, staying up till 1 AM socializing, talking about things such as "fall break" and "spring break," neither of which I have anymore.

I realized yesterday at the Barbeque that I don't really connect with freshmen anymore. Last year I was little Miss Social. When people asked me what year I was I could say "oh, I'm a senior" and start all sorts of smalltalk about goals, dreams, majors, classes, etc. This year, they ask me and I would say "oh, I graduated and am working now." The freshmen then physically turn away to talk to a much cooler junior or senior.

NSO for IV and URC is keeping me busy! I can't wait for this evening - I'll finally get to spend more than 1 hour in my apartment since I got back from the west side of the state on Tuesday.

It's September.

Today, I:

• slept in as much as I could
• went to work
• ordered new contacts
• registered for the Psych GRE
• paid my bills
• switched my Internet service
• finished planning the service for Sunday
• emailed lots of people
• mailed my Physiology book which I sold over Ebay
• called my mom =)
  

Moving to....nowhere?

Part of the motivational email I received from Bally Total Fitness this morning:

Have you ever looked at the difference between the word "try" and "triumph"? If not, now's the time. The difference is a mere "umph"....

It's so ridiculous that it made me laugh out loud at work.

This is indeed the month of change. I talked to my landlord today and since we're transferring apartments, we're supposed to be packed up and living out of boxes by Friday. Unfortunately, she isn't sure when our new apartment will be ready, so I guess I will be in limbo till probably next Tuesday. Although DTE Energy is very accomodating to our "situation," Comcast is less helpful. We may be without Internet for a few weeks.

Yesterday was a nice day. I worked, packed, took a two hour break to walk around Main Street and windowshop. Although I like moving, I really despise the packing part of it.

I have decided to end my month-long courtship with the School of Public Health. 4 weeks ago I decided to apply for the MPH program in Nutrition, 3 weeks ago I turned in my application, last week I got accepted. This week I'm going to reject the program. It wasn't a bad experience. It helped me to think seriously about the field I'm going into as well as why I was studying Psychology rather than Dietetics. Now I'm just looking forward to a quiet two years in Ann Arbor working and hanging out.

After a month of being very antisocial at work, I decided to talk to people again.

Finally, students are moving back to Ann Arbor soon. It's so strange realizing that I'll be heavily involved with the campus ministry in both IV and URC yet I'm so disconnected with the actual student life. Still, I'm finally beginning to feel excitement about it rather than dread.

Red Wine and Hommous

I bought a bottle of red wine yesterday and a wine pump to keep it fresh. It was a good companion to nice conversation with Ian, Rob, and Rob's sister while we munched on veggies, pita, and hommous.

I still don't know what I want to do with my future. I see myself either entering into the School of Public Health, learning more and more about nutrition, finally being licensed to practice clinical nutrition, going into Psychology to complete my expertise on eating disorders, then traipsing off to the corners of the world on a quest for the world to know Jesus. OR, I could concentrate this next year on getting my papers published, presenting my papers at conferences all over the country, and perhaps trying out a new idea of my own (something having to do with a paper on rumination and religious coping), getting a second job, living on my own in an apartment in the middle of downtown Ann Arbor, and finally learning to play the guitar. I guess putting it that way, option 2 does sound more appealing. I'm still praying about it though.

Now that my GRE scores are back, I realize that my future is wide open. I've been looking at schools to go to. I wish New Haven was a nicer place to live because my top choice academically is Yale. Other schools I'm looking at: Stanford, Columbia, Duke, University of Texas in Austin, Cambridge (!!! wouldn't that be fun???), UCLA, Rutgers, Princeton, and more. I think I just need to get out of the Midwest for awhile which means I most likely will not be applying to the program at the University of Michigan.

Classy Gal

I woke up today and decided to drink my Diet Vanilla Pepsi in a wine glass. I don't know why I did it - I suppose I just wanted to feel classy.

The other weekend I worked on my car with Tim while drinking beer and eating pizza. I was told later I was being a classy girl. I don't know about that definition . However, this past weekend I found out that I did indeed like the taste of Syrah.

I went to a wedding this weekend in Fort Wayne. I didn't know a soul besides Rob, but it was fun anyway. The day was full of adventures and stories such as me dropping lipstick all over my dress in the car, the bride fainting in the middle of the ceremony, cell phones going off, babies wailing during the vows, and the reception taking place in an old barn. I definitely will not be modeling my wedding after this one, but I do agree with Rob when he said he enjoyed the wedding with all its imperfections.

I watched "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" yesterday. I enjoyed the movie. I guess there's just something about a person who was handed the short end of the stick in life and who has to fight to stand on his or her own two feet that really makes me envious of their strength. In so many ways I've just been blessed with so much that I feel spoiled. There's something appealing about the lives of those who have to start with nothing - they have to find a a new community, work odd jobs to afford the essentials, and let go of all the frivolous things in life to embrace what really matters. I just feel like there is so much fluff in my life and I wish I can winnow it down to the things that truly matter.

The Love of Learning

It's probably a good thing that I'm headed into academia because as I was studying in the library all Friday evening, I realized with a shock that I was actually having fun. Although it doesn't hurt that I was keeping very good company, I know that the situation left me sounding somewhat like a nerd.

To augment the extent of my nerdiness, I'm picking back up my hobby of reading. Signing up for a new library card to the public library (which I seem to have misplaced today) is one of my biggest triumphs this summer. I'm determined to read through all the Harry Potter books this summer. Unfortunately, the release of the newest book has left the shelves completely devoid of Harry Potter. After recovering from my disappointment, I realized that this will leave me with more time to read the rest of my books that I've been meaning to get through all summer. I have a lovely Tom Clancy book (The Sum of all Fears) begging me to read it, some Christian books (Why Not Women, Political Visions and Illusions, and The God Who Hears), as well as curling up and rereading Shakespeare's sonnets.

A Change in Pace

I've decided to shut down my Xanga site and move on to the world of Blogger. Much has been happening in my life, including my decision to postpone graduate studies in Psychology and first apply to the MPH program in Nutrition at the University of Michigan. I do not know whether or not I'll get into the program, but we shall see.

The art fair is in town. The weather has been beautiful lately despite the downpours that have occurred at the most inopportune times. It's almost amusing the measures I've taken to finally feel like a townie in Ann Arbor. I have joined a fitness club in town, gotten a library card at the public library, and am now determined to find a small apartment off campus for the year after next.

I have been throwing myself into the research I am doing for the Psychology department. With deadlines approaching, I figure it's best to finish the draft of our paper by the end of August. I may start school in September, leaving me with little time to invest more in this paper.

With all these academic opportunities, I wonder how God is planning on using me this next decade. I realize although much of my life makes no logical sense to me, God often unravels His plans in a way we least expect. Take the book of Esther, for instance. It struck me that the path she took was not the most conventional path for saving an entire race of people from genocide. Although my path seems to be deeply embedded in the world of academia, I trust that God has a plan for me and that He will use me in a way I cannot possibly foresee.