I got back yesterday from the last of my school visits. I had some great interviews, 1 horrid one, but thankfully things ended on a high note.
It's really neat to visit different regions of the country knowing that I have the choice of moving there this fall. I'm really glad I ended up going to all the places I was invited to - my last visit was a trip I almost canceled because I was so tired of traveling, and it (surprise, surprise!) turned out to be the most fun visit of all!!
But now the decision-making begins. I think I've narrowed it down to two.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Black Thumb?
I bought an easy-maintenance fern when I moved into my apartment last February. By November it was dead. In August, as a wedding favor, I received a small bamboo plant. I managed to keep it alive till Christmas. Both very easy plants to take care of, both dead within months.
To console me, my friend Marta gave me a small pot of what she claims to be the unkillable plant in January. I made sure it had plenty of sunshine and just the right amount of water. To my chagrin, I came home yesterday to find that it, too, had died at a record speed of 1 1/2 months.
To console me, my friend Marta gave me a small pot of what she claims to be the unkillable plant in January. I made sure it had plenty of sunshine and just the right amount of water. To my chagrin, I came home yesterday to find that it, too, had died at a record speed of 1 1/2 months.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Self and Identity
*warning: long Psychological post. This is the stuff I think about at least 13 out of the 17 hours I'm awake on a given day*
I've been thinking a lot about identity and the self these days, partly because that's one of the main lines of research I'm interested in, and partly because lately I've been reading a lot of journal articles and conversing with a lot of researchers about the self.
It is widely accepted in Psychology research that we, as humans, construe our identity from our social relationships and interactions. This mechanism comes in handy as experiences and research reveal that often our self-evaluations can be grossly inaccurate depending on different factors. So instead we turn to "objective" things to confirm our own evaluations such as success in performance or others' evaluations. We then adjust our self-evaluation accordingly to the feedback we receive. This mechanism, albeit helpful at times, can go awry.
As I was working on my research relating basing self-esteem on romantic relationships to body shame, I came across an interesting tidbit: men and women often overestimate how much the opposite sex is looking for thinner women or more muscular men (Lamb et al., 1993; Rozin & Fallon, 1988; Pope et al, 2000). Part of the reason body shame and symptoms of disordered eating may be so prevalent for women who urgently desire romantic relationships is that women try to conform their body to attract men based on assumptions about men's standards rather than actual feedback they get from men.
This got me thinking: how often we do or say things to please others based on assumptions about their reactions rather than their actual reactions? And do we let our assumptions lead us to distrust reactions that are contrary to what we expect? And how often do we change our own evaluations to conform to what we assume others are thinking or feeling rather than what they actually express to us? Basically, do we construe our identity based on false assumptions??
To illustrate this, I will share with you a story from my life. I have a hard time inviting long-distance friends to my church. Not the church I've been going to in particular, but any church that I've attended in the past. But let's take my church now as an example. I love, love, love the teaching at my church, and I love that my pastor is a vivid storyteller. I also love the order of worship at my church and all its components including the liturgy. But when I invite a friend to my church, I'm suddenly edgy and critical of everything. Is the musical that good? (darn, I feel this week the music is a little off) Is the preaching organized? (maybe the talk is less organized and theologically based this week) Is the service too long and serious? (why, oh, why is the liturgical portion so dry this week) Is my pastor too comical when he preaches? In short, all the things I love become the things I hate just because I fear my friend won't like it. And even if they say they enjoyed the service, I'm doubtful, because I was not able to enjoy the service myself. In fact, I start questioning whether I can pick a good church or not. In retrospect I wish I had enough confidence to trust that others will see what I see.
Can we get to the point of having enough confidence in ourselves to trust others will see what we see? Or are we going to keep reacting to our assumptions of what people think? As for a long answer, or an answer that can be published in a Psych journal, I have none at this time. Short answer, though, is if we base our identity in Christ alone, if we seek perfecting ourselves while accepting His grace, if we trust the feedback we're given and accept our shortcomings as human, we can get to that point. Okay, I admit this is a cop-out ending to a long post. More to come on this topic, I promise.
I've been thinking a lot about identity and the self these days, partly because that's one of the main lines of research I'm interested in, and partly because lately I've been reading a lot of journal articles and conversing with a lot of researchers about the self.
It is widely accepted in Psychology research that we, as humans, construe our identity from our social relationships and interactions. This mechanism comes in handy as experiences and research reveal that often our self-evaluations can be grossly inaccurate depending on different factors. So instead we turn to "objective" things to confirm our own evaluations such as success in performance or others' evaluations. We then adjust our self-evaluation accordingly to the feedback we receive. This mechanism, albeit helpful at times, can go awry.
As I was working on my research relating basing self-esteem on romantic relationships to body shame, I came across an interesting tidbit: men and women often overestimate how much the opposite sex is looking for thinner women or more muscular men (Lamb et al., 1993; Rozin & Fallon, 1988; Pope et al, 2000). Part of the reason body shame and symptoms of disordered eating may be so prevalent for women who urgently desire romantic relationships is that women try to conform their body to attract men based on assumptions about men's standards rather than actual feedback they get from men.
This got me thinking: how often we do or say things to please others based on assumptions about their reactions rather than their actual reactions? And do we let our assumptions lead us to distrust reactions that are contrary to what we expect? And how often do we change our own evaluations to conform to what we assume others are thinking or feeling rather than what they actually express to us? Basically, do we construe our identity based on false assumptions??
To illustrate this, I will share with you a story from my life. I have a hard time inviting long-distance friends to my church. Not the church I've been going to in particular, but any church that I've attended in the past. But let's take my church now as an example. I love, love, love the teaching at my church, and I love that my pastor is a vivid storyteller. I also love the order of worship at my church and all its components including the liturgy. But when I invite a friend to my church, I'm suddenly edgy and critical of everything. Is the musical that good? (darn, I feel this week the music is a little off) Is the preaching organized? (maybe the talk is less organized and theologically based this week) Is the service too long and serious? (why, oh, why is the liturgical portion so dry this week) Is my pastor too comical when he preaches? In short, all the things I love become the things I hate just because I fear my friend won't like it. And even if they say they enjoyed the service, I'm doubtful, because I was not able to enjoy the service myself. In fact, I start questioning whether I can pick a good church or not. In retrospect I wish I had enough confidence to trust that others will see what I see.
Can we get to the point of having enough confidence in ourselves to trust others will see what we see? Or are we going to keep reacting to our assumptions of what people think? As for a long answer, or an answer that can be published in a Psych journal, I have none at this time. Short answer, though, is if we base our identity in Christ alone, if we seek perfecting ourselves while accepting His grace, if we trust the feedback we're given and accept our shortcomings as human, we can get to that point. Okay, I admit this is a cop-out ending to a long post. More to come on this topic, I promise.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Addiction
I cannot stop listening to this video. I have it on eternal repeat while I'm at work. It's not super well sung since she's singing at her good friend's memorial and trying too hard not to cry, but the song is just so beautiful!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Loss and Relationships
A few weeks ago I ran into an old boyfriend on my way home from work. We had broken up 13 months earlier after a close friendship followed by a short, volatile relationship. The break-up was messy and hurtful due to his inability to communicate and my inability to let go. Scarring words were exchanged through the whole ordeal, cutting deep to the core. The break-up changed who I was as a person, and I spent months wondering if I would ever recover from it.
Yet I did recover. And so did he. And when we ran into each other we were able to carry on a genial conversation. No false promises were made to meet up for coffee sometime, no phone numbers were exchanged. We stayed true to ourselves, and I knew that I had finally gotten over my anger and shame. After everything that happened, I can think of him as a decent person, and see him for who he is: someone with a good heart and good intentions, but nevertheless human. I left the encounter with a smile on my face.
Time really does heal a broken heart, I know that well. 13 months later, I'm again dealing with the aftermaths of a failed relationship. And as today we are going through the obligatory ritual of returning paraphernalia, I've started thinking about what it is that is so hard for me to let go of in relationships.
This break-up was different. Incompatibility was the biggest issue. We were two people that had fun together, but were headed in two different directions. And as this was apparent to me, along with the knowledge that hearts heal, I was able to quickly mourn the loss of the relationship itself and move on. What I find hard to let go of, however, is the loss of all the investment and emotion I poured into the relationship. As Carrie from Sex and the City asks in one episode, at the end of a relationship, where does the love go?
When you're in a relationship, that person becomes one of the most important people in your life. You think about him constantly, can't wait to share with him about your day, and he's the first to come to mind when you want to share a funny story or a profound idea. You invest your time in that person, spending it with him, calling him, emailing him. Yet when a relationship ends, poof, that person disappears. Where does all that emotional investment go? How can one person go from being so important to you to being nonexistent in your immediate life?
Unlike the law of conservation of mass, emotional investment is created when a relationship is built, and it becomes a memory when the relationship ends. And sometimes after recovery from a relationship, the memories become so fuzzy that they fade from your life completely. It's tough to accept this, that you've given a piece of your heart and have nothing to show for it.
There are lessons to be learned at the end of every relationship, but with each relationship I'm beginning to question whether the lesson was worth the experience. I'm still an optimist when it comes to relationships, but I'm learning to be more careful. After all, the heart does heal, but the emotional investment you will never get back.
Yet I did recover. And so did he. And when we ran into each other we were able to carry on a genial conversation. No false promises were made to meet up for coffee sometime, no phone numbers were exchanged. We stayed true to ourselves, and I knew that I had finally gotten over my anger and shame. After everything that happened, I can think of him as a decent person, and see him for who he is: someone with a good heart and good intentions, but nevertheless human. I left the encounter with a smile on my face.
Time really does heal a broken heart, I know that well. 13 months later, I'm again dealing with the aftermaths of a failed relationship. And as today we are going through the obligatory ritual of returning paraphernalia, I've started thinking about what it is that is so hard for me to let go of in relationships.
This break-up was different. Incompatibility was the biggest issue. We were two people that had fun together, but were headed in two different directions. And as this was apparent to me, along with the knowledge that hearts heal, I was able to quickly mourn the loss of the relationship itself and move on. What I find hard to let go of, however, is the loss of all the investment and emotion I poured into the relationship. As Carrie from Sex and the City asks in one episode, at the end of a relationship, where does the love go?
When you're in a relationship, that person becomes one of the most important people in your life. You think about him constantly, can't wait to share with him about your day, and he's the first to come to mind when you want to share a funny story or a profound idea. You invest your time in that person, spending it with him, calling him, emailing him. Yet when a relationship ends, poof, that person disappears. Where does all that emotional investment go? How can one person go from being so important to you to being nonexistent in your immediate life?
Unlike the law of conservation of mass, emotional investment is created when a relationship is built, and it becomes a memory when the relationship ends. And sometimes after recovery from a relationship, the memories become so fuzzy that they fade from your life completely. It's tough to accept this, that you've given a piece of your heart and have nothing to show for it.
There are lessons to be learned at the end of every relationship, but with each relationship I'm beginning to question whether the lesson was worth the experience. I'm still an optimist when it comes to relationships, but I'm learning to be more careful. After all, the heart does heal, but the emotional investment you will never get back.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Hair Dye
I've always wanted to be one of those girls who could change their hair color to whatever they want and still have it look natural. Being Asian, I can't exactly go from having black hair to red hair to blonde, then dark brown and look good each time.
Still, I make do with what I have. I usually go darker - auburn or mahogany with red tints. I've been dying my hair since I was 17 so I actually don't know what my natural hair color is anymore. Recently, I dyed my hair jet black, hoping it's closer to my natural hair color. This morning I found roots.
My hair is naturally brown, not black. Does that classify me as a brunette?
Still, I make do with what I have. I usually go darker - auburn or mahogany with red tints. I've been dying my hair since I was 17 so I actually don't know what my natural hair color is anymore. Recently, I dyed my hair jet black, hoping it's closer to my natural hair color. This morning I found roots.
My hair is naturally brown, not black. Does that classify me as a brunette?
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
You've Got to be Kidding Me!!
It is 1 degree Fahrenheit outside - negative 13 degrees with windchill. According to Fox News Detroit, it could get as cold as negative 23 degrees with the wind today. All public schools are closed today! Even Novi public schools, my alma mater, is closed today, which is saying a lot (we were always the last school in the state, it seemed, to have a snow day). Lucky for them, since Fox news did this whole segment on how the cold impairs you, both mentally and physically.
For those of us who take public transportation to work, it was a bitter and literally painful commute today. By the time I got to work, I could no longer feel my legs. Thank goodness this is my last Michigan winter for at least the next 5 years!!
For those of us who take public transportation to work, it was a bitter and literally painful commute today. By the time I got to work, I could no longer feel my legs. Thank goodness this is my last Michigan winter for at least the next 5 years!!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Dream within a Dream
or is it "dweam wiffin a dweam"...
I had one of those naps where I kept dreaming that people were walking in and out of my bedroom... I also kept waking up and falling back asleep and dreaming...during my dream. I think my phone rang 3 times in the dream (turns out it only rang twice) and my alarm kept going off. Pretty restless, I'd say, for a 20 minute nap.
On another note, I thought I'd like to take a moment and acknowledge to taitcha that I owe him a letter. I just realized that yesterday. Or was it during my nap that I thought of that?
I also owe like 8 people phone calls. You know who you are and I'm sorry for that.
Luckily I only owe 1 email. Turns out I'm better at those. =)
I had one of those naps where I kept dreaming that people were walking in and out of my bedroom... I also kept waking up and falling back asleep and dreaming...during my dream. I think my phone rang 3 times in the dream (turns out it only rang twice) and my alarm kept going off. Pretty restless, I'd say, for a 20 minute nap.
On another note, I thought I'd like to take a moment and acknowledge to taitcha that I owe him a letter. I just realized that yesterday. Or was it during my nap that I thought of that?
I also owe like 8 people phone calls. You know who you are and I'm sorry for that.
Luckily I only owe 1 email. Turns out I'm better at those. =)
Monday, January 29, 2007
Li'l Shoppe Around the Korner
There's a small Korean/Japanese restaurant right by my bus stop on my way home from work called Seoul Korner. Although I lived close to it, I've never patroned it in all my years of college. I guess I never held a huge interest in Korean or Japanese food, well not until I started watching Asian TV dramas. I've had a habit of missing the bus lately and having to wait the extra 15 or 20 minutes for the next bus, giving me more time to observe this restaurant. The restaurant is never busy; at most 3 tables are occupied, usually by a single person with his or her newspaper or by cozy couples gazing out at the snow. Maybe it's my romantic view of life, or maybe it's the effect of freezing in the snow and hungering for a warm dinner after a long day of work, but I would rather like to stop in this restaurant sometime for dinner after work. Maybe with a dear friend, so we can sip udon soup and eat kimchee in the warm restaurant while staring out at the snowy passerbys. That'll just have to be one of the things I do before I leave Ann Arbor.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Timing is Everything
What a bad time in life for my suitcase to finally break after 9 years of faithful service.
Looking forward to the weekend. I'm sleep-deprived and ready to be a bum and stay in!!
Looking forward to the weekend. I'm sleep-deprived and ready to be a bum and stay in!!
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Infrequent Update
I've been blogging far too infrequently this year! I feel like I started this New Year's off on the wrong foot, but it's never too late to recover from that. Some random updates from the last 18 days:
- I realized this morning that I can finally donate blood again!! I can't remember which day I got my tattoo last year (was it the 14th or the 21st of January??), but I plan on giving blood as often as I can after the 21st of this month.
- I went in for physical therapy (finally!) and found out that my back is hurting - not because my spine is misaligned again (although the therapist says there's definitely kinks in there), but it's because I basically have no core body strength to hold a decent posture. I've been working out a lot since the new year, but I've been doing more cardio since I absolutely hate lifting weights. So to boost up my core strength, I enrolled in both a pilates class and a weekend Iyengar yoga class. We'll see how I do with that.
- After a 2 year hiatus, I decided to finish watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (I finished all 10 seasons of Friends). Some of my old roomies back during the Pirate House days were obsessed with the show so I watched through season 4 with them. Mel's letting me borrow seasons 5-6 from her to return in July when I next see her, so I've been plowing through them. I just started season 6 and it's getting SCARY!! Well, scary as in cheap blood and gore horror movies, but I'm such a wimp that those give me nightmares. I keep thinking I shouldn't watch anymore, but part of me just wants to finish the entire series because I started it!
- Speaking of nightmares, I'm not one to remember dreams, but I've been having sad dreams every night this year. Not only do I wake up feeling upset, but I think I don't sleep well at night. Anyone know a way to keep from dreaming?
- On a whim, I ordered all six seasons of Sex and the City. Since I picked it up from my leasing office this morning (I had it mailed there so it wouldn't get stolen), it's sitting next to me right now on my work desk. It's the collector's edition and the packaging is soooo pretty. I keep running my hands over the felt pink cover. =) Very rarely do I find a series worth buying (actually this is the first one), and I'm very excited to watch it again!
- New small groups are starting up this Sunday. It was difficult saying goodbye to the old one, but God's just confirmed over and over again that planting a new group is His will. Already 12 people are coming on Sunday and we haven't had a meeting yet!
Okay, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll be updating more frequently!!
Monday, January 08, 2007
Ricotta Shmicotta
I love cottage cheese. In an attempt to be healthy, I decided to try out low-fat ricotta cheese since it's known to be much healthier and more nutritious than cottage cheese. Besides, ricotta cheese just sounds healthier.
I'm not kidding you, it was disgusting.
Then I heard I shouldn't eat it plain; people usually top it with cinnamon or something. So I sprinkled cinnamon on it. Now it's just disgusting with a hint of cinnamon.
I finally gave up and washed down the aftertaste with a couple squirts of whipped cream. Yum!
I'm not kidding you, it was disgusting.
Then I heard I shouldn't eat it plain; people usually top it with cinnamon or something. So I sprinkled cinnamon on it. Now it's just disgusting with a hint of cinnamon.
I finally gave up and washed down the aftertaste with a couple squirts of whipped cream. Yum!
Monday, January 01, 2007
If You Want Me To
Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
When I cross over Jordan,
I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see
You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You
And I will walk through the valley
If You want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley
If You want me to
Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
When I cross over Jordan,
I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see
You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You
And I will walk through the valley
If You want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley
If You want me to
Friday, December 29, 2006
Another Year
Two days ago, I got the best Christmas present. My paper was accepted by the Psychology of Women Quarterly. After over a year of trying, I'm finally getting published!!
Crazy to think in a few days it'll be 2007. I'm sitting in my aunt's living room in NYC by myself, enjoying some some alone time for the first time in days. Alone time is rare during family vacations. Maybe I'll even go out for a walk on this remarkably warm winter day!
The year 2006 was pretty tumultuous and eventful. A lot of changes took place in my life. I feel like I changed a lot, yet at times, it seems like Christmas 2005 was just yesterday and I'm still the same person. This time last year I was in NYC, coming up with my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. I remember actually accomplishing quite a few of those tasks before scrapping the whole idea.
Making resolutions is one of my favorite activities of the year. I think this year, I'll make 5 goals each month to accomplish.
January:
1. Do data analysis on my research study and begin drafting a manucript for publication.
2. Be at work by 8:30 AM at least 4 mornings a week
3. Stick to a workout plan: cardio 3x/week, yoga 1x/week
4. Sleep at least 7 hours a night, 5 nights a week
5. Finish the book "The Five Points of Calvinism"
Crazy to think in a few days it'll be 2007. I'm sitting in my aunt's living room in NYC by myself, enjoying some some alone time for the first time in days. Alone time is rare during family vacations. Maybe I'll even go out for a walk on this remarkably warm winter day!
The year 2006 was pretty tumultuous and eventful. A lot of changes took place in my life. I feel like I changed a lot, yet at times, it seems like Christmas 2005 was just yesterday and I'm still the same person. This time last year I was in NYC, coming up with my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. I remember actually accomplishing quite a few of those tasks before scrapping the whole idea.
Making resolutions is one of my favorite activities of the year. I think this year, I'll make 5 goals each month to accomplish.
January:
1. Do data analysis on my research study and begin drafting a manucript for publication.
2. Be at work by 8:30 AM at least 4 mornings a week
3. Stick to a workout plan: cardio 3x/week, yoga 1x/week
4. Sleep at least 7 hours a night, 5 nights a week
5. Finish the book "The Five Points of Calvinism"
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Ethan Lorac Gonick
Today one of my dearest friends of 7 years gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! Ethan was born at 3:25 AM weighing 7 lbs, 11 ounces. I'm so proud of my Marta!!
Here's the little man. He looks just like his daddy!
Gazing up at his mom.
Baby Ethan meets Auntie Tracy for the first time!
Here's the little man. He looks just like his daddy!
Gazing up at his mom.
Baby Ethan meets Auntie Tracy for the first time!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Today...
...the sad reality of leaving Michigan next fall has set in. It's ironic - I spent the last 3 years dreaming of how I would escape from Ann Arbor. Although Ann Arbor is a great place to live (containing museums, a great music scene, restaurants and night life, talented artists traveling through, great libraries), after living here for over 4 years I started to get bored with the town. It's like I've seen and experienced Ann Arbor, and I just wanted to move on. I wanted to reside in the Big Apple or Sunny California. But just as I am on the brink of leaving Ann Arbor, I'm falling in love with the town all over again.
There's a big part of me that still yearns to spread my wings and live somewhere outside of the midwest. I know once I get there I won't regret the move and I'll be excited to make new friends and begin grad school.
But there's a part of me that is realizing what I'm leaving behind. I've never lived more than 30 miles away from my parents. Living close to my parents is like a security blanket - although I don't take advantage of their proximity enough, just knowing they're within a half hour drive away is comforting. As my close friends are increasingly non-students or at least off-campus, Ann Arbor has become a new city to me. I'm getting to know Ann Arbor as more than just the downtown. Not only that, but after being away from the downtown area this past year, I'm starting to see the shops through different eyes. Coffee shops are not study areas; rather I appreciate them for the yummy drinks they sell, their decorations, their music. I've started thinking like a townie, dreading the annual Art Fair while taking pride in local perks like the Farmer's Market, Artisan's Market, and Zingerman's fresh-baked bread. I actually have time to take strolls down the streets and windowshop at mom-and-pop shops and local boutiques on Main Street. I'd be leaving all this behind. I'd also be leaving K behind.
Over the next two months, I'll be hearing back from schools. I applied to 9 schools, all far away from here, and last minute I submitted a 10th application to the University of Michigan. I guess I've been operating under the assumption that since I've submitted that application, I'll have a choice to stay. Reality is, I most likely won't have a choice of staying in Ann Arbor. My program does not like to accept its undergraduates, and on top of which UM is very competitive, ranked 2nd in the nation. Maybe it's a good thing I don't have to wrestle with the decision of staying in Ann Arbor. But I wonder, if I got in, would I choose to stay?
There's a big part of me that still yearns to spread my wings and live somewhere outside of the midwest. I know once I get there I won't regret the move and I'll be excited to make new friends and begin grad school.
But there's a part of me that is realizing what I'm leaving behind. I've never lived more than 30 miles away from my parents. Living close to my parents is like a security blanket - although I don't take advantage of their proximity enough, just knowing they're within a half hour drive away is comforting. As my close friends are increasingly non-students or at least off-campus, Ann Arbor has become a new city to me. I'm getting to know Ann Arbor as more than just the downtown. Not only that, but after being away from the downtown area this past year, I'm starting to see the shops through different eyes. Coffee shops are not study areas; rather I appreciate them for the yummy drinks they sell, their decorations, their music. I've started thinking like a townie, dreading the annual Art Fair while taking pride in local perks like the Farmer's Market, Artisan's Market, and Zingerman's fresh-baked bread. I actually have time to take strolls down the streets and windowshop at mom-and-pop shops and local boutiques on Main Street. I'd be leaving all this behind. I'd also be leaving K behind.
Over the next two months, I'll be hearing back from schools. I applied to 9 schools, all far away from here, and last minute I submitted a 10th application to the University of Michigan. I guess I've been operating under the assumption that since I've submitted that application, I'll have a choice to stay. Reality is, I most likely won't have a choice of staying in Ann Arbor. My program does not like to accept its undergraduates, and on top of which UM is very competitive, ranked 2nd in the nation. Maybe it's a good thing I don't have to wrestle with the decision of staying in Ann Arbor. But I wonder, if I got in, would I choose to stay?
Monday, December 11, 2006
1 Corinthians 1
This morning I woke up overwhelmed by the brokenness in this world. I was saddened by how difficult it is for myself and close friends around me to truly grasp the concept of Lordship and what it means to desire Jesus to be Lord of our lives. I was saddened by the struggle between the mind and the flesh (Romans 7:21-25) and how we often allow our flesh to win out. I was discouraged by the struggle between self-righteousness/pride and an acute awareness of hypocrisy and sin in my life. I was also saddened by how little I really understand love as explained in 1 Corinthians 13. I was overwhelmed by how difficult it is to be Christians, redeemed by Christ, but still living with sin, on this side of Heaven.
I don't know what led me to read 1 Corinthians again, but it brought me so much encouragement.
I don't know what led me to read 1 Corinthians again, but it brought me so much encouragement.
- Who we are is a result of God's grace. Our understanding and knowledge of Him, our ability to live for him, our being made Holy is a result of Christ's death on the cross. So the promise that "He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ" is able to come true because it is not dependent on my efforts, but on Christ. No matter how far I've fallen, no matter how broken I am, Christ is able to keep me strong and pressing on toward His holiness. And He is faithful.
- Christ is unity. We are called to be in unity with one another. There is no room for pride and self-righteousness because all we know is by the grace of God. This is an urgent reminder for me as I'm in the middle of conflicts within a Christian group I am involved in. One thing I need to keep reminding myself is that the only boasting I can do is in the Lord. It is a call to humble myself and vigilantly watch my own motives. It also is a call to rely on Christ for the unity He calls us to.
Scripture is so life-giving and encouraging. It is also convicting. I began this morning discouraged, but now I am encouraged. The power of the cross of Christ is something that I feel I am barely starting to grasp. How nature must have groaned for the coming of Christ and the fulfillment of the law! Maybe I'm finally beginning to appreciate the Advent season.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Winter Evenings and Budget Dates
WINTER EVENINGS
I wish I had a fireplace.
Since yesterday I've been wanting to just laze at home, eat a bowl of steamy clam chowder, munch on gummy dinos and watch TV. Maybe that's what I'll do tomorrow to start my weekend off.
DATING ON A BUDGET
Last weekend was a lot of fun. K took me on a budget date consisting of the Fleetwood for dinner, walking around downtown, browsing Borders, and then movie at the dollar theater. We went shopping at Twelve Oaks on Saturday and with the sales and my coupons, he got a lambswool sweater for $15 and I got a sweatercoat for the same price. I love how we're cheap...er, I mean, frugal. That's how we started off - our first date ever was the dollar theater (where I snuck in a box of Gobstoppers) then appetizers at Applebees. We're breaking that trend next time and going somewhere pricy for dinner before the Firefly Club. Any suggestions? Pacific Rim? Blue Nile? Zingerman's Roadhouse? I'm unfamiliar with most of the expensive restaurants in Ann Arbor.
FRANKENMUTH
Having lived in Michigan for 11 1/2 years (wow has it been that long?!), I've actually never got around to visiting Frankenmuth. I'm going on Saturday with some friends. Anyone have any suggestions or advice about where to eat or what to visit??
WHITE ELEPHANT CHRISTMAS PARTY
I never know what to get for White Elephant gifts. I have to get a gift by Sunday. The goal is to be funny, but the last time I brought something I thought was hilarious to one of these things, no one got it. I'm also making my butternut squash pie again. I made one for a potluck last week and it was a hit.
I wish I had a fireplace.
Since yesterday I've been wanting to just laze at home, eat a bowl of steamy clam chowder, munch on gummy dinos and watch TV. Maybe that's what I'll do tomorrow to start my weekend off.
DATING ON A BUDGET
Last weekend was a lot of fun. K took me on a budget date consisting of the Fleetwood for dinner, walking around downtown, browsing Borders, and then movie at the dollar theater. We went shopping at Twelve Oaks on Saturday and with the sales and my coupons, he got a lambswool sweater for $15 and I got a sweatercoat for the same price. I love how we're cheap...er, I mean, frugal. That's how we started off - our first date ever was the dollar theater (where I snuck in a box of Gobstoppers) then appetizers at Applebees. We're breaking that trend next time and going somewhere pricy for dinner before the Firefly Club. Any suggestions? Pacific Rim? Blue Nile? Zingerman's Roadhouse? I'm unfamiliar with most of the expensive restaurants in Ann Arbor.
FRANKENMUTH
Having lived in Michigan for 11 1/2 years (wow has it been that long?!), I've actually never got around to visiting Frankenmuth. I'm going on Saturday with some friends. Anyone have any suggestions or advice about where to eat or what to visit??
WHITE ELEPHANT CHRISTMAS PARTY
I never know what to get for White Elephant gifts. I have to get a gift by Sunday. The goal is to be funny, but the last time I brought something I thought was hilarious to one of these things, no one got it. I'm also making my butternut squash pie again. I made one for a potluck last week and it was a hit.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
Simple Devotion
There's been a stirring in me lately.
Two years ago I went to Kansas City, MO for the One Thing conference put on by the International House of Prayer. The conference was lifechanging, making real to me the concept of the church as the bride of Christ and introducing to me what it means to be in a love relationship with God. The International House of Prayer focuses on sitting at the feet of Jesus in prayer, silence, or reading the Word, oftentimes for hours at a time. Sometimes we get up still feeling empty. Sometimes we get up with new truths imprinted on our hearts. But the important thing is that we worshipped God.
How far I've come from that! One of the lessons that has been coming up in my life is "garbage in, garbage out." I find that my lifestyle and choices have allowed me to get to a place where I can't sit still for even 15 minutes. I have to make a conscious choice to go back to basics, and it's a choice I can't put off anymore.
I'm listening to Misty Edwards's song Simple Devotion. It's one of the most beautiful and purest songs I've listened to:
Two years ago I went to Kansas City, MO for the One Thing conference put on by the International House of Prayer. The conference was lifechanging, making real to me the concept of the church as the bride of Christ and introducing to me what it means to be in a love relationship with God. The International House of Prayer focuses on sitting at the feet of Jesus in prayer, silence, or reading the Word, oftentimes for hours at a time. Sometimes we get up still feeling empty. Sometimes we get up with new truths imprinted on our hearts. But the important thing is that we worshipped God.
How far I've come from that! One of the lessons that has been coming up in my life is "garbage in, garbage out." I find that my lifestyle and choices have allowed me to get to a place where I can't sit still for even 15 minutes. I have to make a conscious choice to go back to basics, and it's a choice I can't put off anymore.
I'm listening to Misty Edwards's song Simple Devotion. It's one of the most beautiful and purest songs I've listened to:
Simple Devotion - Misty Edwards
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir in my soul to lay hold of You
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir in my soul to lay hold of that which I cannot comprehend
Over and over and over and over again
Over and over and over and over again
And then I'll just kneel in the sovereignty
I'll embrace a mystery
I'll just rest in You
As I bathe in truth
Over and over and over and over agian
This is my simple devotion, my walk of faith, and day by day
Over and over and over and over again
And then I hear You say as You gaze over the balcony of heaven
I hear You say as You peer through the lines of time
I hear You say as You stand in Heaven
I hear You say as You rejoice over me
"Oh angels oh angels look and see, through that dark night of faith she is gazing at MeOh angels oh angels look and see, through that cloud of unknowing she's gazing at Me
and you have ravished My heart, My sister My bride with one glance of your eye"
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