Heart Openers and Hammies

I have decided that Eka Pada Sirsana (version C depicted beautifully above) is going to my goal posture for the semester. Not only is it the posture I'm currently working on, but it involves both heart openers (which are necessary to pull the shoulder back and lengthen the torso) and the hamstrings (my weakest link and the main reasons why I can't yet pull my leg comfortably behind the head).

So...for those who attend my flow/vinyasa classes, expect a lot of hamstring work and heart openers this fall! Though I haven't sequenced the flow quite yet, I have the theme and peak posture picked out for my classes this Saturday. And let me just say, I'm looking forward to playing this weekend!

This week has been a week of keeping my ego in check. The Lord has a way of allowing my head to swell then showing me exactly where I'm the weakest. Yesterday I was practicing second series in Sharon's class when it dawned on me that I really hate second series. I practice Ashtanga 5 days a week and I usually can only talk myself into doing second series only 1 of those 5 days. The reason is when I practice first series, I feel graceful, strong, and in control. I can actually feel the effects of the practice in my body. When I practice second, I feel like a bumbling fool flopping around. And that not only makes me feel bad, inflexible, and weak, but it also makes me look pretty stupid when I practice. But I need to let go of my ego and my need to look good and feel strong because otherwise I'll never be able to improve and grow. So there it is...in order to be faithful to my practice and my growth, I will be okay with public flopping for the next short while.

How do I love?

In response to my low iron levels, I made Tomato-Curry Lentil Stew (lentils are supposed to be uber high in iron). I'm switching to white rice this week (brown rice inhibits iron absorption) and will continue taking iron pills. Hopefully when I attempt to give blood again next week, they won't turn me away again. Curry and tomatoes are quite a tasty combination, if I do say so myself.

Being a Social Psychologist, people often ask me if I analyze people all the time? (By the way, I find that question EXTREMELY annoying, so please don't ask me if you haven't already!) I usually answer no, because otherwise the other person shuts up really quickly. The truth is, though I don't intentionally analyze everyone I meet, I'm definitely very aware of how a person tries to present him or herself. One of my main lines of research has to do with identity negotiation: how a person "negotiates" with those around them how they want to be seen as well as the underlying motivations behind the negotiation process.

Anyway I recently noticed two particular people in my life who have some deep-seated insecurities in their identities. One woman is very insecure in her position in her life. She compensates for this by clinging onto an identity of a nurturer and at every opportunity tries to assert her authority and care upon others. Sometimes it's welcomed, sometimes it's not. Though her intentions are good, I've noticed that need holding her bondage. As soon as her sense of authority or ability to nurture is undermined, she becomes very defensive and hurt.

Another man constantly boasts about his abilities and his experiences. I found it to be tiresome to listen to until one day he said something that made me realize the only reason he boasts so much is because he really doesn't believe in himself. He has an inferiority complex that is driving him to verbally assert who he is to any listening ear.

So my question is, what is the loving thing to do? For both this man and this woman, their insecurities have such a hold on their life. Do I encourage them and indulge them, driving them deeper into their habit of self-assertion, or do I refuse to indulge them? Or will my constant encouragement help them to let go of their need to assert who they are?

A field agent is not my calling...

Here's another thing knocked off of my list: playing laser tag. The first game was not a lot of fun what with dozens of 13 year olds trying to reenact the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan. No one signed up for the second game we played, so the six girls played against one another. I started off crouching down trying to be all stealthy like the characters in Alias. Finally I gave up, stood tall and walked around shooting at anything that moved. Apparently, that's a better strategy. Still, if I were in a movie that involved a shootout, I would be that character who died stupidly in the first 3 minutes from being shot in the back.

A good friend of mine subbed the mysore class I was practicing at today, and I was really blown away by her ability to teach. I've taken her led classes before, but she really does shine in teaching Mysore. In my opinion, it takes a lot of skill to be able to teach yoga well. Not only do you have to have a deep understanding of the postures, but you have toknow the mechanics of the human body to be able to adapt different bodies to the same posture. Add to that the ability to verbalize instructions and a firm touch for adjusting, not to mention having God-given charisma and presence.... it is not easy to be a good yoga teacher! Whenever I encounter a truly talented teacher, I am humbled and inspired to work harder. I am grateful that I am first and foremost a student, and that I have a community of teachers who are willing to take the time to grow me as both a yoga practitioner and a yoga teacher!

Got Iron?

I've been feeling super tired the last 2 weeks or so. I've always been on the anemic side in terms of iron level, but usually iron pills solve the problem. Despite having taken both a multi-vitamin and an iron supplement every day for the last few weeks, my iron count was still too low for me to donate blood last week.

When I told my mom about it, she sent me the following information off of http://www.healthcastle.com/iron.shtml.

The sad thing is, this past week I've only been eating foods from the "Iron Absorption Inhibitors" box. I eat plenty of whole grain and bran, I drink soy milk and eat lots of tofu and edamame. Red wine is my alcoholic beverage of choice.

I tried to put a little more iron in my system this weekend, but I'm still exhausted. I may make myself some chicken soup this week or some lentil and bean stew and hopefully my energy level will start to rise again.

I leave you with the advice my mom emailed me along with the link:

"At the same time, give yourself a lot of fruit to avoid constipation."

Thanks, Momma!

B-Scene with the Yoga Girls

Taught two awesome flow classes today! The energy was great in both classes, and I focused my classes around riding the breath and bandhas through each posture. We worked the hamstrings, shoulders, and of course the core until we reached our peak posture: eka pada galavasana.

It's one of my favorite poses because not only does it open my hips up and work my core (actively coiling the navel up), but it also teaches me to really activate and strengthen my back leg.

I'm really bad at blogging about when I've knocked out one of my 101 things. Last night, I went to B-Scene (monthly Blanton Museum's gallery opening party) with the Yoga girls.

Here's a blurry shot that gives you a sense of what the museum was like.
Here's a better picture of my lovely ladies:

Redecorating Room, Phase 1

Reorganized my closet, and cleaned up my space. Redecorating my room.

Bed Before:

Bed after:

I still need to get some green throw pillows for the bed, some green accent vases for the shelf. Eventually I will invest in some curtains as well!

*edit* - I lowered the shelf by about a foot. Looks much better!!!

Re-Prioritizing

It's been a little quiet lately in the blogging world since I've been working on reorganizing and reprioritizing my life before the school year begins. One thing I've learned - if I don't care of my "home and personal life", the pressures of school life, yoga life, and social life will eventually crash down on me.

With school, I am involved in many many projects and responsibilities this year and I'm going to have to really step up my efficiency level. I'm going to stop spending time on Facebook throughout the week and really stop wasting my time on the Internet.

With yoga, I achieved one of my goals of finishing the David Swenson training, auditioning to teach Ashtanga at Yoga Yoga (dang, should have included that as part of my 101) and now am on the schedule to teach Ashtanga this fall at Yoga Yoga. I still have a flow (or rather, vinyasa) class this fall. I've been really convicted to step up the quality of my teaching this fall. Free day of yoga might draw a lot of new students into the studio, and the new school year might bring tons of new students to my UT classes. I feel like I've been half-hazard in my teaching lately and I need to practice being present, being alert, and being prepared for all my classes! I have 4 classes a week on my schedule this fall and am looking into the possibility of teaching a few privates (though I doubt I'll be able to with my schedule...)

Finally, I've been spending some time finally cleaning and redecorating my room. I really feel like your personal space is a reflection of your spiritual state. I finally tackled the junk piles that have been laying around the last year, hung up frames on my walls, and am now in the process of reorganizing my closet and trimming my wardrobe. Hopefully I'll have finished that before I head to IKEA on Friday. Since my room is now mostly black and white with some wood furniture, I am hoping to keep that black/white theme and add in a sage accent. I'll take pictures of the finished result when I'm done. I tell you what, though...cleaning and redoing my room has certainly made me feel like a new person!!

Dimitri the Stud

This left me laughing ALL NIGHT!!!

The story is… a girl was out with friends having drinks in Toronto. This guy approaches her and won't leave her alone - saying how cute she is. She finally gives in and hands the guy her business card to get rid of him.

The attached is an MP3 file of not one, but TWO voicemails this guy left. This goes down in the history books - especially the second voice mail. After hearing them you can clearly see why she didn’t call him back – instead she called in to the Z103.5 morning show & had them play this on the air.

Getting down to business

Last month before the new school year begins...time certainly does fly!!

This week I'm busy setting up all my research for the fall. I have been submitting quite a few IRBs (which is a little overwhelming when I think that soon I'll actually have to implement all of those studies), overseeing my advisor's honor student, recruiting an army of research assistants for the studies I am running this fall, continuing to run the newlywed study, and looking into applying for funding in the fall.

Some exciting news: I'm connecting with one of the new grad students from Taiwan and we're in the beginning stages of writing up a possible study to run in Taiwan. If that pans out, there's a possibility I could apply for NSF travel funding to go to Taiwan next summer to conduct research there. Also, I'm looking into attending a conference in Israel next summer. I'm debating whether to take out another student loan to do this, because if I do go, I plan on staying for at least a week to tour the Holy Land.

In yoga, I'm trying to negotiate classes for the fall. Right now, my UT classes are staying the same, but my Saturday morning YY class is changing to "Vinyasa" rather than "Hatha Flow," and my afternoon class at YY is switching from Flow to an Ashtanga class of some sort. Still a lot of red tape to get through, but things are quickly falling into place...

Madly in Love with You

I thought I posted these lyrics awhile ago...I guess not. I've been listening to Sean McConnell's song nonstop the last few days. It is supposed to be God's love song to us.

See you down there everyday
Trying to find a different way
To build some kind of ladder to the sky

Trying to find some way to see
Secrets of eternity, and they don’t come all at once
And you don’t know why

How do you think it feels to hear you screaming out my name
While all the while I’m trying to open up your heart
See you when you cry yourself to sleep
It’s tearing me apart

I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you will understand,
don’t you lose your faith in me

I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you

I know that you’re waiting for,
A chance to come in from the war
If only a moment, if only a day

A place where you feel safe and warm
A sanctuary from the storm
Until all of these questions fade away

But I cannot count on all the signs
You’ve passed away as mere coincidence
And I'm running out of ways to break through
Like a lonely lover, waiting by the ocean
Ill never give up on you

My Michael Jackson phase

It is blazing hot in Texas - I think it's been a month of over 100 degree weather. Thank goodness for sun dresses!!

I opened up my flashdrive today to discover that while I was at home, my dad had downloaded and saved onto the flashdrive two youtube videos: one of Michael Jackson's debut of Billie Jean at Motown, and his 10 minute long Thriller video. Did I mention I'm going through a Michael Jackson music phase? I love my dad!

Learn and let go

Got little sleep last night since the dog (who slept in my bed) decided it was "playtime" at around 1 am and was bouncing around and licking my face all night. Still, she is so adorable I HAD to forgive her!

Many of my girlfriends recently had their hearts broken by men. I spent Saturday evening and most of Sunday with one of them, just listening to her story and helping her to work through the pain. One thing I have been realizing is that as women, it is easy for our emotions and hurts to color our perspectives. It is easy to see ourselves as victims and build up protective walls through warping reality until we find meaning and closure in what happened. It is easy to lie to ourselves to make sense of reality and to concoct reasons for the rejection outside of what oftentimes is the truth: you just were not the right person for him (which consequently usually means the reverse is true). But all that does is to leave us bitter, insecure, and angry at half of the population on the planet. Though it is good to learn from experiences, it is not necessary to dwell in them. Though it is good to learn to protect ourselves, it is not good to hold grudges against those who have hurt us.

Yesterday's sermon was on forgiveness, and the pastor shared a wonderful story from the Chronicles of Narnia that illustrated our need for Christ to sanctify us. Here is the transcript from that portion of the sermon:

Eustace is a little snotty kid, he’s mean and bratty and nobody likes him and one day he discovers a cave full of treasures… a Dragon’s treasure. He realizes he’ll be rich and could get back at everyone that’s ill treated him… he’s very excited, but he’s tired and falls asleep. And we all know that if you fall asleep on the dragon’s treasures with dragoness thoughts then when you wake up what happens? You turn into a dragon… He awoke and discovered he was in agony, he couldn’t talk, his friends thought he was a monster. And then Eustace encounters the Lion or Aslan and Aslan is the incarnation of Jesus… he’s the Jesus figure in Chronicles of Narnia.

“Well, anyway, I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: a huge lion coming slowly towards me… So it came nearer and nearer… Well, it came close up to me and looked straight into my eyes. And I shut my eyes tight. But that wasn’t any good because it told me to follow it.” . . .

“. . . And I knew I’d have to do what it told me, so I got up and followed it. And it led me a long way into the mountains. . . . So at last we came to the top of a mountain I’d never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden—trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well.

“. . .The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe, it would ease my pain. But the lion told me I must undress first. . . .

“I was just going to say that I couldn’t undress because I hadn’t any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that’s what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully. . . . In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.

“But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that’s all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I’ll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.

“Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good.

“Then the lion said . . . ‘You will have to let me undress you.’ I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. . . .

“Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off—just as I thought I’d done it myself the other three times, only they hadn’t hurt—and there it was, lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me—I didn’t like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I’d no skin on—and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone. And then I saw why. I’d turned into a boy again.”

[C. S. Lewis, “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” The Chronicles of Narnia (London: HarperCollins, 2001), 473–75]

Harried end to a vacation

I finally got back to Austin last night, made it to my front door, and realized that somehow my apartment keys had fallen off my keychain!! It was a bit bizarre considering my keys never left my bag while I was gone, but they were nowhere to be found. I called 3 locksmiths - none of them were available. Finally I gave up and crashed at my friend's place for the night. Woke up early to teach yoga all day (welcome back to Austin!!), and during my hour break got a copy of the keys from the leasing office and went a little overboard in making copies of the keys. I finally unloaded my luggage around 4pm. Did I mention my roommate had left for vacation and left the dog in my care (read: the dog was inside the whole time)? It was a bit of a hectic day. I just got back from grocery shopping and am sitting down to my first meal of the day: a frozen dinner entree (Kashi's Sweet & Sour Chicken, yum!!).

Through it all, I realize it could have been worse. I could have lost my car keys as well. I could have broken my phone (it had fallen into water on te trip). I could have not had my yoga gear with me (making it difficult to teach yoga all day). The leasing office could have been closed on Saturday. All in all, it wasn't so bad of an experience, though if you asked me at midnight last night, I would have told you a different story.

It was good to practice yoga with people again. Good to see all my students again and to find that I was missed. I've been feeling antsy about my life again, wondering if I'm wasting time and energy on things that don't matter. Yet, after an incredibly energetic and downright sweaty class this morning, I had this incredible thought as I watched my students rest in savasana: regardless of whether my teaching yoga plays any sort of role in my future or serves any purpose, I am SO BLESSED to have this experience. I keep weighing all my experiences and activities, but the truth of the matter is, I need to stop evaluating and start valuing what is currently in my life!

Jeremiah 17:7-8

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit.

The last few weeks

...have been full. It started off with David Swenson's 40 hour Ashtanga training. It was a tiring and incredibly long week, but both David and his wife Shelley are amazing sources of inspiration, both as Ashtangis and as a couple. I'm VERY glad I did the training.

Sunday afternoon before I left for the Midwest, I hopped on a barge with some folks from the Stone and spent the evening on Lake Travis. It was a ton of fun. The Lake Travis area is so beautiful!!
I headed to Kelleys Island on Lake Erie the following day for a getaway with the Kiss My crew. This year we rented a condo and explored the island. It was nice to have a week away from the Internet, sleeping in, and eating really good food. The last night, the boys on the trip and I spent the evening in Toledo where we watched the Mud Hens (Toledo's minor league team) play the Cleveland Clippers.
Afterward, we watched fireworks right on the field.
I've been back at my parent's resting and recuperating for a week now. Finally flying back to Austin and the heat tomorrow!!!!

101 in 1001

Giving this thing another try....

Discouraged

Feeling pretty discouraged today... I dunno why.

Ever feel like you're kinda just going through the motions? Because that's how I've felt for the last week...

Quote

Just wanted to share a little quote from my favorite book. This quote is very meaningful to me, as it speaks of a lesson I had to learn recently:

"So be lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings." -Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

Blessings

I've been back in Austin for about 4 days and feel like I'm almost all caught up. I've got a few meetings at school this afternoon, some preparation to do for those meetings beforehand, but I'm grateful to have gotten almost 12 hours of sleep last night. 

It's been an eventful few days. I got my old Chevy all fixed up at the car shop (finally), my inspections/registration up to date... just to sell that car yesterday and buy a new car. With the economy as bad as it is, and because I felt like my Chevy was going to fall apart any minute (and it had no air conditioning to begin with), I bit the bullet and bought myself a 2008 Kia Spectra.

This is hands-down the nicest car I've ever owned. It's got automatic everything, it drives smoothly, is fuel economical, has air-conditioning, and is just pretty to look at right down to the exterior color. And the car payments are definitely manageable for me as long as I am more careful about where I spend my money. The best part is that the warrenty extends through when I am expecting to graduate. So till then, unless I really pull a stupid, I don't have to worry about spending money to fix up the car. And that's a relief after how much money I spent fixing up the beaten-up Chevy I owned.

I woke up this morning and realized just how richly blessed I am in terms of comfort of living. I live in a really nice apartment (and the rent did not go up this year so we're staying in it another year), I have a nice car, I am not in need in terms of food or clothing; in fact, other than the money to travel, there is not a single thing I really need or want that I don't have. I am getting paid to have an education, and I am getting paid to do a hobby that I love: yoga.

What more can I ask for? Seriously?

Memorial Day

My tummy is full from noshing on juicy, seedless watermelon. =)

Yesterday's barbeque was a lot of fun. I forgot how much I enjoy playing volleyball - even sand volleyball. Thanks to yoga, I woke up this morning without feeling too sore. I do, however, need to schedule a massage when I get back to Austin.

Made my way to Ashtanga Michigan this morning despite the insane amount of construction on the freeways. It was a good practice. I was a little tight, and I had left my black mat in Chicago, but I made do with a loaner mat and practice all of first and worked on second through bakasana B. Decided to forgo eka pada sirsasana, and skipped grabbing the ankles in drop-backs since I was still so tight from taking a few days off and all the traveling. I ran into Novi's Memorial Day parade on my way back, so I parked myself at Panera's on Novi Road for awhile and ate brunch and had some quiet time.

While at Panera's, I saw a father outside in the parking lot with his two sons. The older son was around 9ish, with big Asian glasses, while the younger was a sweet, carefree little 4 year old. They were playing by the trunk of the car. The father had forgotten something in the car, so he told his older son to watch the younger one as he went back to retrieve whatever it was he needed to retrieve. The older son took this responsibility seriously. He protectively wrapped his arms around his brother and stood erect, eyes darting fiercely around watching for incoming cars. The younger brother, unaware, continued to play with his pockets and sing nursery rhymes.

Strangely, that struck me as a picture of marriage. Maybe it's because I am a single woman with a string of failed relationships, most of them involving men who didn't look out for me or cherish me as Christ does, but I could not help but think that while on this earth, it would be nice to have a man who had a fierce sense of responsibility to protect me and to love me, and to want for me what my Heavenly Father wants for me. Not, that I can't take care of myself, but it's nice to think that until I am reunited with my Father in Heaven, he sends down someone physically tangible to watch out for me. And I, him.

I'm contemplating spending the rest of my afternoon outside somewhere since it's supposed to be raining the rest of the week. Maybe I'll walk to Blockbuster's to rent some more movies. It's only a little over a mile away, but I'll probably be the only one walking outside since I'm in the middle of the suburbs. ;)

Vacation count so far -
Movies watched: 2
Forbidden Kingdom
Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Book read: 1
A Thousand Splendid Suns

A weekend of reunions...

I remember when I was in college, going home was so boring. There seemed to be nothing to do and nowhere to go... The time home would end up melting into a week of watching TV until my brain was numb.

Maybe I only go home now at "peak" vacation times, but last few visits home were busy and full. I got home tomorrow afternoon, collapsed in a heap on my parent's couch (my parents are gone for another 2 days). Finished reading A Thousand Splendid Suns (excellent book!!), wiped the tears from my eyes, and headed out to meet up with old youth group friends. Novi is developing quite the night life - I was pleasantly surprised.

This morning, there was church, then I had lunch with Che - it was nice catching up and hearing about what everyone's been up to. Now I am contemplating doing a few rounds of sun salutations to burn off some of the food I've eaten in the last few days before heading out to a reunion barbeque.

This is going to be a good week. The reunions will probably end tomorrow, and my parents left me some cash as well as their library card so I can catch up on movies and pleasure reading until they come back home.

Chicago Weekend

It has been a weekend of food.

My Friday began at 4:30 AM with me frantically packing and getting ready to drive to the airport around 6. Boarded the plane shortly after 7 and slept the entire flight to Chicago. I have never flown Southwest before and I was completely baffled by the fact we could choose our own seats. The free-for-all seating left me a little disoriented.

Arrived in Chicago to see Brian at around 10. I immediately realized I forgot to pack a jacket for the Midwest (which is currently 30 degrees colder than Texas). We mosied our way to a eco-friendly, organic pizza parlor and had some amazing gourmet pizzas. I then rushed to Union Station where I made my way to Vernon Hills to see old friends Jeff and Lisa, their daughter Emma, and their new baby Jesse. After a few hours of catch-up and visiting, I headed back to Chicago, changed, and met up with some of Brian's friends for an insane amount of Sushi. Then it was off to a wine bar for wine and cheese, before chilling at a hip-hop lounge.

Slept in this morning despite aspirations to work out in the morning, ate at Joy Yee's and took home Bubble Tea for the drive back to Michigan. Now I'm finally back at my parent's home.

It's been fun, but I'm so tired that I'm a little confused to whether certain conversations actually took place this weekend or I hallucinated/dreamed them. Looking forward a nice long week of rest and relaxation, as well as a rededication to my yoga practice with my Michigan guru.

Exhausted...

I am hoping that this is my entrance back into the blogging world. This semester is finally over and I have spent the good part of the week running around getting my non-school life back together. I have clocked almost 9 hours in the car shop this week (with one more trip to go before the end of May for an oil change and inspection) and am less hundreds and hundreds of dollars. And I am in the process of redecorating my room which involves more cleaning and organizing than I anticipated. With having to pay some tuition in order to TA this summer (spending money to make money?) as well as taking a week and a half off teaching yoga tomorrow in order to vacation in the Midwest, I am left with only one thought:

Life is expensive. Sheesh.

But finances aside, these past few months have been a whirlwind. I've laughed; I've cried; I've laughed till I cried; I've cried till I laughed; I've had highs; I've had lows; I've fallen head over heels; I've walked away from potential heartbreak; I've felt the most loved I've ever felt; I've felt the loneliest I've ever felt; I had to finally confront past demons and vices; I escaped from reality to the Caribbean beach.; I felt lost and confused; I dreamed prophetic dreams; I witnessed 2 people dear to me return to the church; and I watched friends turn their backs on God; most importantly, I've transitioned from being a cat person to a dog person. (That last point was in jest).

Lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. Lots of lessons to process. I teach one more yoga class tonight. Depending on my packing progress, I might go salsa dancing tonight before heading to Chicago early tomorrow. Hoping to blog soon...

4 minutes of "fantasticness"

I know many different versions of these videos have been circulating around, but this is one my momma emailed me.

Clean Air

Just bought this baby:
Only been using it for one night and already a world of difference!! 

Scenes from Mexico

Relaxing on the beach

Hanging out with the resort staff

Birthday surprise

Dance troupes and dinners on the beach

Long walks on the beach at night

Cliff-diving

Chichen Itza

Been going non-stop with school and yoga since coming back. Though one thing is becoming clearer and clearer - busyness is crowding out the opportunities for me to serve and love others. As much as I can, I'm going to begin to slow my life down.

Trust and Surrender

Despite missing Mexico like crazy, it's good to be back home. Have a lot of thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head and a few potentionally life impacting decisions to pray over. 

This morning as I was flowing and grooving in my yoga practice (not difficult to do when the background music was Lenny Kravitz), my teacher brought us to a simple pose and had us hold it. "What if I've said all I had to say?" he asked. "What if we just stayed here in this posture for the rest of class?"

My first reaction was panic. My second reaction was irritation. Finally, I gave up and focused on my breath, emptying myself of all expectations and regrets. And stayed in that posture quietly awaiting the next cue. Trusted. Surrendered. And sure enough, we moved onto the next posture. 

Felt God was speaking to me at that moment. I keep awaiting the "next step." Keep wanting to plan ahead. Give it up to God. Focus on breathing in and out, on being present in my life. Stay quietly and await the next cue. Trust and surrender. Above all, keep listening. And he will move me forward when the time is right.

Been having lots of crazy dreams about losing my teeth...

so I looked up "teeth" in a dream dictionary:

"My Teeth Are Falling"

Dreams that your teeth are falling out are the most common dreams we here at Dream Moods receive. Common dream scenarios include having your teeth crumble in your hands, fall out one by one with just a light tap, grow crooked or rot. Such dreams are not only horrifying and shocking, but often leaves the dreamer with a lasting image of the dream. So what does it mean?

One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Sadly, we live in a world where good looks are valued highly and your teeth play an important role in conveying that image. Teeth are used in the game of flirtations, whether it be a dazzling and gleaming smile or affectionate necking. These dreams may stem from a fear of your sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old. Teeth are an important feature of our attractiveness and presentation to others. Everybody worries about how they appear to others. Caring about our appearance is natural and healthy.

Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety.

Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth represent power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the value of your own opinion.

In the latest research, it has been shown that women in menopause have frequent dreams about teeth. This may be related to getting older and/or feeling unattractive and less feminine.

Traditionally, it was thought that dreaming that you did not have teeth, represent malnutrition which may be applicable to some dreamers.

Other Perspectives

A scriptural interpretation for bad or falling teeth indicate that you are putting your faith, trust, and beliefs in what man thinks rather than in the word of God. The bible says that God speaks once, yea twice in a dream or a vision in order to hide pride from us, to keep us back from the pit, to open our ears (spiritually) and to instruct and correct us.

In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death.

According to the Chinese, there is a saying that your teeth will fall out if your are telling lies.

It has also been said that if you dream of your teeth falling out, then it symbolizes money. This is based on the old tooth fairy story. If you lose a tooth and leave it under the pillow, a tooth fairy would bring you money.

Education System

Verrrrry excited to hear that the education system reform is taking a step in the right direction. Problem is, longer school days will do no good in a culture where knowledge and education aren't being valued...

On a side note, I'm unashamedly smitten with our very ambitious president.

Didn't I have this conversation yesterday?

Serious survey takers only, please...

Are you currently in a romantic relationship?? The University of Texas at Austin is inviting you to participate in a Psychology study on romantic relationships. We are interested in learning how people change in their romantic relationships. At the completion of your participation, you may enter a raffle to win $50. 1 out of 75 will win. You must be at least 18 years old. Thank you for helping us with this important research.

Click Here to take survey

Always check your kid's homework!!

I'm not keen on reposting things from other blogs, but this made me giggle the whole drive to school this morning:

(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day) 

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.

I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.

From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Smith

Women Drivers!

Just a disclaimer: I am very offended by the sexist nature of this video. However, it still cracks me up, and I just thought I'd share anyway.

Anti-Classical Conditioning?

My momma sent me some pictures of a new restaurant in Taiwan. The name of the restaurant is "Modern Toilet." As a Psychologist, it's an interesting concept to me in light of what we know about classical conditioning!

And my favorite (especially since I live with an only semi-housetrained dog):

On another note, I received a sweet email from one of my yoga students over the weekend. He said: "I've attended your vinyasa yoga classes at the rec center these past couple of weeks and I must say that I have a new found love for yoga."

What great encouragement during a much-needed time!

SPSP 2009

So last week I went to Tampa for a Social Psychology conference. The first one I went to back in 2006, I decided Psychology was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Last year, I returned for the first time as a grad student and got completely freaked out. I developed a BAAAAAD case of imposter syndrome and carried that with me all last year. This year was... much more encouraging.
Tampa was an interesting place. I went there thinking there was absolutely nothing to do outside of the conference. I was wrong. The city followed up a weekend of Superbowl craziness with their annual Gasparilla festival. Apparently, a Spanish pirate named Jose Gaspar used to pillage and raid southwest Florida, including Tampa Bay. Finally, the villagers of Tampa revolted and killed the pirate. Since then, every year they would celebrate the demise of Gaspar by sailing "pirate ships" into the bay and shooting water balloons, beads, and coins at the ship.

It made for a fun weekend. The convention center was downtown, so I got to watch the parade on my way from the hotel. I also got to ride a real, authentic trolley on my way to Ybar to celebrate our last night in Tampa. The only complaint I had was that it was below freezing half the time I was in Tampa, and I had brought nothing warmer than a light jacket!

As much as I love to travel, I realize that I don't always travel well. I shared a double room with 3 other people (yes, 2 per bed) and went a bit stir crazy by Saturday. I had no alone time between the conference, socializing/schmoozing, and having 3 hotel roommates, no quiet time, and no time or space for yoga. 

I guess I'm learning how to set up bounderies. On one hand, we're suppose to live missionally, and be willing to thrive under all sorts of conditions. On the other hand, there is something to be said about retreating and taking care of yourself so that you have something to give. I wish I said I was a most gracious, loving person the entire trip, but perhaps the only way for me to be that way is to set up an hour or two of alone time each day on the trip. Perhaps I need my own bed (that did make the trip a lot easier last year!). 

Regardless, it feels soooo nice to be back in Austin. Looking forward to staying put in one place until spring break =)

I wish every trip to the dentist ended like this...

Packing Tips

Not only did I overpack, I overpacked for a 5 day trip to Tampa, FL in 30 minutes. Needless to say, everything was thrown haphazardly into my suitcase and I had to sit on it to zip it up. Not having learned my lesson the first time around, I repeated the same process on the trip back.

Each way of the trip, I opened my suitcase to find a note that my bag was "randomly" searched. Underneath the note, the airline had neatly organized and repacked my luggage.

Lesson learned: a messy packer saves time - and apparently you'll get your luggage repacked for free. 

Happy Lunar New Year!!

I've been wanting to update more, but this semester is just really crazy. 2009 started off really rocky, but the only thing I have to say is God's grace is abundant!!

So much is happening, even just over the past week or so. I'm learning lessons and really living life. I even changed the name of the blog from "reflections" to "living in grace."

Can't write more right now since I'm a little behind on reading for my Neuroscience class (I know, yikes!) but wanted to leave you with one picture.

Since today is another chance at having new beginnings (Chinese New Year), I decided to start off my new year detoxifying mind, body, and soul. Well, part of the body detox is to stock up on nutrition this week and weed out sweets. I'm eating oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, a hearty split green pea stew for lunch, and steamed veggies and brown rice for dinner. As snacks I stocked my fridge with carrots and celery with hummus.

Well, the split green pea stew was interesting to make. At first, it looked delicious as I had added red potatoes, carrots, and other vegetables. However, the last step of the recipe was to blend soft tofu and spinach into a creamy concoction and stir it into the stew. To my dismay, it turned the stew almost a flourescent green color:

Luckily for me, it tastes sooo much better than it looks. Happy Lunar New Year!!!

Happy New Year!!

Final reflections of 2008

The clock reads 12:51AM and I cannot sleep. My alarm is set for 5AM. No doubt a nap will be in order tomorrow afternoon before the New Year's Eve festivities begin.

I've been wanting to post this for awhile, but for some reason have been putting it off. For the greater part of my life, I've had really bad posture due to a weak core. The style of yoga I had gotten into is Ashtanga, which has a reputation for being very hard on the rotator cuffs due to the number of vinyasas in each practice. As I began to build strength, my front chest and shoulder muscles bulked up while my back muscles were sadly neglected, exascerbating my ape-woman posture. This was pointed out to me by a watchful instructor, and I began to really work on heart-openers and backbends. Enter the introduction of second series of Ashtanga, and I was really able to open up. My posture improved, and all was right with my yoga practice again. However, as my second series practice got longer, I've been feeling fatigued in my front shoulder muscles, and I noticed my shoulders drooping forward ever so slightly when I'm resting in bed. I was baffled.

Well, last week I got my answer. Matthew D., the Michigan (more accurately, Midwest) Ashtanga guru I've been practicing under is an absolutely fantastic instructor. After watching me practice a measly 2 times, he made an observation that no one has ever caught before. Though my shoulders were very open and my posture good in the held postures, my shoulders were still hunching - badly, I might add - in transitionary postures (tittibasana and bakasana - for those who are curious). Today, when I was practicing, I got into those transition postures again. Suddendly, I hear him shout across the room to me, "lift those shoulders and straighten that spine!!" I couldn't. I completely lacked the muscles to do so. It was sobering to realize that all this time I thought I was building upper back muscles, I've been fooling myself by overcompensating with being super open in the chest. Matthew later pointed out to me, the drooping shoulders that came back to haunt me was likely produced by fatigue when I increased the number of postures I practiced due to second series.

Underlying problems show themselves during mindless transitions. In the case of yoga, you could not detect my hunched shoulder problem in the "regular postures" - they only appeared during mindless transitions. Likewise in my life, my character flaws and reactions that show up in transitory periods are not aberrant behavior - rather, they are symptoms of hidden underlying issues. I truly believed that I had matured and worked through some character flaws that I had. However, those flaws still show up from time to time: when I am under a lot of stress from school, when I lack sleep, when I am on vacation stuck in a hotel room with my entire family. I wrote those behaviors off thinking they were brought up by these special circumstances. No. These unregulated behaviors are actually indicative of my true state.

So what now? I have yet to make a list of New Year's Resolutions yet (surprising, since it's pretty much my favorite thing to do every year). But one thing for sure I will do change from here on out: I will pay attention to my behaviors during transitory periods rather than excusing them away.

Christmas Break

I woke up this morning at 4:45AM to drive to Royal Oak to practice Ashtanga with a local authorized instructor. At around 5:40, I slid on some black ice, skidded across 3 lanes on the freeway, and got stuck in a snowbank that blocked me from a steep hill. As I waited for the arrival of the tow truck and a very concerned dad, I contemplated just how lucky I was to survive without a scratch! Since I was in the left lane, I could have veered left and smashed into a wall. There could have been cars to my right, yet I coasted all the way to right shoulder without encountering another vehicle. Had the snow bank not been there, I would definitely have rolled down the hill, and had I been going too fast, I would have flipped over the snow bank.

Yet I'm alive. Thank GOD!! I remained pretty calm for much of the ordeal and arrived at the shala almost 2 hours later than I intended. I entered in a state of frenzy, berating myself for a wasted morning and distraught that now I would have a much shorter yoga practice than I would have otherwise.

My instructor gently calmed me down. He told me to stop focusing what I had lost this morning. I couldn't control what happened to me. Rather than viewing my time as lost and wasted, I needed to think of the time before me as a gift. Plans are plans, but you cannot lose what you did not have. You can only embrace what you have in front of you.

I came back from this semester incredibly jaded. I felt unhappy with where I was in my program, with where my life is and where it looked like it was going. What if I had chosen a different field? What if I made some different decisions in my life? What really frustrated me was that yes, I could just pick up and leave and "follow my dreams," but for some unknown reason, I know that I am (albeit unhappily) in the right place. I came back to Michigan for 3 weeks with a single prayer: that God would give me perspective and a renewed outlook on life.

For most of today, I've been chewing on this verse: "I will remove from you all who mourn over the loss of your appointed festivals, which is a burden and reproach for you." Zephaniah 3:18. It struck me that perhaps part of the reason I feel so jaded is that I had these plans of how my life was going to turn out. I have an ideal in my head of what success is, or at least what "success" looks like for Tracy. What it means for Tracy to be following God's call on her life. Now that I don't see how my life is leading that way, I mourn that loss and am completed fixated on the what-ifs.

Plans are plans; they were never anything I had a tangible claim to. I cannot lose what I never had; I can only embrace what I have in front of me. Why do those people in Zephaniah receive God's reproach? Because they are so focused on those festivals, rituals, and plans that they forgot to simply embrace God. So rather than focusing on what could have been, I need to seek God in what is now. I need to lay down the sense of entitlement to the life that I believe that I should have and begin embracing the life that I have. And rather than idolizing what I believe it means to serve God, I just need to cut all that idealistic crap and look for God here and now.

Hopefully, these lessons will slowly transfer from my head to my heart. Excitingly, this is all from day 1 of my Michigan trip!

Ashtanga is not for the faint of heart...

Lamentations 3:22-24

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.

Real Update Soon....

Next few weeks are a bit chaotic - can't wait for my life to normalize!!! For now, here's another video that makes me smile:

Details in the Fabric

Dance!

Tracy versus Midas

I don't think of myself as a person with a chip on her shoulder. I don't go through life feeling like the world doesn't treat me right because of my identity as a woman or as an Asian woman. I am a bit paranoid, however, whenever I take my car in to get fixed.

My car has been racking up some problems: the rear left blinker hasn't worked since July, I needed to get my oil changed, and I have a feeling the O2 sensor is not working as efficiently as it should. I took my car into Midas this weekend and hoped for the best. After an hour, I was sitting in Subway next door when I get a call from the mechanic. "I have some news for you," he says, then proceeds to list a bunch of services my car needs with the final price of about $200.

Crap. My first thought was that they probably saw me and thought one word: woman. Knowing that my car-knowledgeable friend Gehr was only a phone call away, I replied without skipping a beat "okay, I need you to list again what exactly needs to be serviced and how much it is costing me." I interrupted him often, asking him to distinguish between labor costs and material costs. Having clearly taken him by surprise, his tone of voiced changed completely. I told him I wanted to go to the shop in person before signing off on any services. "Yes ma'am," he answered. "We'll be waiting for you."

A phone call later, turns out I didn't need half the services that were suggested. I go in, tell them firmly what I wanted done and what I didn't need done. I ask him how much longer before my car is ready. "Well, we need to get a new air filter for you...that may take about an hour." I looked him evenly in the eye, "Do I really need a new filter?"

"Well ma'am, I guess it wasn't that dirty."

"Could it last another 3000 miles?"

"I suppose it can... yes, you'll be fine until your next oil change."

Bam, another $16 bucks saved. Final amount spent: $50. Tracy wins this round, Midas!

Isaiah 45:4-7

For the sake of Jacob my servant,
of Israel my chosen,
I summon you by name
and bestow on you a title of honor,
though you do not acknowledge me.

I am the LORD and there is no other;
apart from me there is no God.
I will strengthen you,
though you have not acknowledged me,
so that from the rising of the sun
to the place of its setting
people may know there is none besides me.

I am the LORD, and there is no other.
I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things.

Interesting account of Calvinism

"Calvin wrote his epochal work, the Institutes of the Christian Religion, when he was only twenty-six, and never changed his mind on any salient point; in it, he rigorously drew together all the most severe elements of the Old Testament, the patristic writings, and Lutheranism, and derived from them by selection and extension a ferocious theology built upon total human depravity, the implacable wrath of God with man, and the concepts of absolute predestination, the election of the every few, and the certain damnation of all the rest.

Had Calvin been a happier or healtheir man, Puritanism might never have been puritanical, and the thinking of the Genevans, the Dutch, the Scotch, the English, and the Americans ever since might have been different... Unlike Luther, Calvin did not enjoy playing the lute or flute, eating broiled fish, or downing a flagon of beer; unlike Luther, he was small and thin, dyspeptic and ailing, intense and unhumorous. Conceivably, the ascetic and repressive features that mark Puritanism at its unloveliest and have given it a bad name owe as much to one man's glandular shortcomings as to the social goals of the bourgeoisie."

~ from Morton Hunt's "The Natural History of Love."

Reactions?

SNL and Politics

These two videos had me laughing to the point of tears. Enjoy!

$2.99???

Holy smokes! Rode past a gas station this morning on my way to school that was selling gas for $2.99 a gallon...

Just for laughs

Could not stop cracking up this morning:



Ah, the ridiculousness sometimes.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

Why have I not been sleeping well the last couple of weeks? Here's why:

For Sale

Anyone in need of a dining room table? We're replacing the glass table with one I bought at Ikea to match our chairs. There's a few scratches on the glass, but otherwise in good condition. $45 or best offer - the chairs are NOT for sale. Let me know!!

Life's a Blur

It's a beautiful day out today. Woke up this morning feeling incredibly lazy. I cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, did my laundry, booked my flight home for Christmas break, and am now studying for my stats exam before writing a paper for my Old Testament Sunday school class and reading for research.

Life's a blur. But once in awhile I'll get a moment to sit and enjoy the fresh air and watch my roommate's dog play on our deck.